I really need to maintain this. For a girl who loves to write and always literally has lots to say, this blog says otherwise.
Anyway, after some time I think I may have finally found a topic I can write about–at least for this blog post. We’ll see how long I can stretch it out, maybe more than just this post but, here’s go nothing.
So, sometime back in February–the end of it–or early March–hell, I literally can’t even remember, oops–I finally decided to make a change. A serious one.
Within the last couple years, more than during earlier years (i.e. end of high school/early college), I have been not the most happy with my weight. I figured “meh, this is me. This is the weight/size I was meant to be so there’s that.” It got to the point where I became focused–no, fixated–on it. I was constantly thinking about my weight and wondering why I had to be given the gene of HATING exercising, LOVING food AND having a SLOW metabolism.
Once my weight became a constant thought on my mind I always told myself I would do something about it. I told myself I would eat better, not eat fast food; exercise, lift weights, etc. You name it. And so began when I half-ass attempted “working out” by walking like 30 minutes on the treadmill twice a week and not eating certain meals throughout the day. Yeah, a lot of good that did me, right? I got so bored on the treadmill that my motivation was quickly lost after a only few times. Plus, skipping out on meals only made me cranky and eat twice as much during my next meal. This inevitably lead to more weight gain.
I’m not sure exactly when my specific wake-up call was to do actually do something about my weight but once I started I got this sense of excitement and accomplishment once I started to see the number on the scale go down. I had done Weight Watchers in the past, started in 2013, and did it for a little while but then lost the motivation to keep going and I constantly felt deprived of not just my favorite foods, but food in general. I won’t deny I like food. In fact, I LOVE food. That’s why I hate the word “diet”, and seldom use it. I considered and researched other popular diets but I didn’t like the idea of a) having to pay for special food, etc. for weight loss when quite frankly I was already “paying” for having gotten to the weight I was. Wasn’t about to add insult to injury. Anyway… and b) I didn’t want to feel deprived. So, I took another approach. I decided to count calories and acknowledge that I would go over some days, but for those times I would make up by exercising to burn them off and then some or simply burning them off and breaking even.
It was, and still to this day, is a struggle for me to work out. I’ve been going at this counting calories and exercising thing for about 2-2.5 months now and let me just tell you–I didn’t like working out before and even to this day I’m still not the world’s biggest fan. Some days I FORCE myself to do it or actually just don’t work out period. (Bad, I know, but a girl’s allowed to have a rest day) But, one thing I’ve learned during this journey is that I actually, really do feel better, even if I am physically sore, after I work out compared to if I DON’T work out at all. I don’t work out every single day of the week even though some would say I probably should but, I do average about 3-4 times per week, which is better than those who don’t at all–which I used to be one of those people. And that’s not to say people who DON’T work out are lazy because some people are naturally fit and just don’t need to work out.
Anyway… In the past, after a few days of “counting points” and walking at a speed of 3.0 m.p.h. for 30 minutes, I was quickly disappointed by the lack of change in the number I saw on the scale. I was constantly looking for a quick fix and when that didn’t happen I gave up and thought, “Well, I guess maybe I was just meant to be this size” OR, “Guess I’ll just be this weight forever.” It’s not a healthy mindset to have and even now, fast forward, I still feel that way some days except, I KNOW I DON’T HAVE TO BE that size, or even my current size now. I CAN get to my dream/goal size with more hard work and dedication. It won’t come overnight just like my weight gain didn’t come on overnight as much as I like to think it did.
Like I said earlier, I can’t pinpoint exactly when I decided to make a serious change and actually on it but I think it was time back a few months ago and I realized if I kept eating and NOT exercising at the rate I was, I was going to have to keep buying BIGGER clothes–and that was not something I wanted to do. Not only that but I also didn’t want to gain any more for fear of a bigger issue at hand–like any health problems that can arise from being overweight. Well, and I had actually Googled peoples’ BEFORE and AFTER pictures and I thought, I want to be one of those people–I want to be my own success story.
So, after that moment I decided to act on the change I constantly talked about and I reminded myself daily that this was going to take time–weeks, months–but, that in the end, it would be worth it. I am not yet to my final goal weight but I’ve lost some weight already and can definitely tell in the way my clothes fit–they’re getting too big–and that serves as motivation to keep me going and to be proud of my accomplishment. It’s also motivating and reassuring when my family and friends tell me that they too have noticed a difference.
It’s strange though, and I didn’t think I would feel this way but I bet other people have felt this way too, I feel weird sometimes when people tell me ‘congratulations’ or ‘you look great’, ‘keep up the great work’, etc. Obviously that’s encouraging and motivating too but, I guess I never thought I would get to the point where I would have people telling me that so it’s kind of weird. But, like I said, it’s also encouraging and motivating so I keep people updated via social media with pictures, my work out motivational quotes I Google daily to remind myself to keep going, and even wear my FitBit, with my Alex and Ani bracelets, because I want to be held accountable in any way I can to keep moving and eat right and drink lots of WATER.
Speaking of “eating right” and drinking lots of water…
This brings me to my next point. So, after people compliment me they sometimes ask me what I’ve been doing. I tell them I’m counting calories and no longer drinking pop, which I gave up back in March (yay!) and exercising. And while I am not following a specific diet of only fruits and vegetables or low-carb or fat-free, I am making up what for what I eat in exercise. Now, not every one will agree this is a good approach to “dieting” and/or losing weight but I say to hell with them. It’s MY body and I myself will choose how to lose weight. I know I post it on social media for the world to see but that’s for encouragement–not for people to give their two cents on how I can and should tweak my current regimen. If people have actual helpful advice/tips then I am all ears but when it’s something entirely different, than I really just don’t care.
It’s hard to believe it’s been 2.5 months since I’ve drank any pop. I have to admit, even to this day I still have cravings sometimes. Not nearly as bad as when I first gave up pop but sometimes a little ol’ carbonation just sounds DELICIOUS! Plus, I get bored of just plain ol’ water so I mix in unsweeted regular tea, unsweetened green tea, black coffee and WATER ENHANCERS! I tell ya, water enhancers are the best! They’ve help change things up and make not miss pop as much. It’s wonderful. 🙂 But, I’m human and so of course I am going to have cravings every once in awhile but I haven’t given in yet so that’s good, right? RIGHT!
It’s been a roller coaster of a ride–this “journey” of mine, if you will–but, I like to look at it as a lifestyle change. I can’t really call it a “diet” since then I will probably feel as though I can revert back to my old ways once I reach my goal weight and I can’t. I can’t unless I want to go back to where I was. And I don’t. Ever.
I am saying goodbye to that girl. It sounds so corny but literally saying “goodbye” to my excess weight and becoming a healthier me is what keeps going and pushing harder everyday. And so does looking at pictures from a couple months and beyond compared to now. Don’t believe me? Just take a look at these pictures…
So, here’s a goodbye to the old, heavier me and hello to the new, healthier me. That’s my number one goal–is to be healthy. My second goal is to feel more good–feel more confident–when I wear clothes without any shadow of hesitation, like, “Did I make the right choice in wearing this?” I love clothes, fashion, and I like to think I have a good sense of style but *loving clothes and having a sense of style* and actually *feeling 100000% percent confident in your clothing choice* are two different things. I’ve felt confident in the past in the clothes I bought (regardless of the fact the size wasn’t a size I wanted to be at/wasn’t necessarily healthy) but, this time around I want to be at that 100000% confident without any about.
Well, wish me luck as I continue this “weight-loss/lifestyle change/healthier me” ride/journey. It won’t be without both ups and downs, high and lows, and setbacks and successes so be prepared. I am only human so I will make mistakes. This lifestyle change (or as some people may see it “diet”) won’t be perfect–and I’m not intending it to be so, it will take trial and error and time. Hopefully I can semi-maintain this blog with results of my weight-loss–oh, that’s another incentive/way to keep me motivated to lose weight–if there are people counting on me or just simply looking forward to my continued progress of weight-loss and becoming healthier. Hmm… We shall see.
Enjoy your Memorial Day weekend, everyone. And thank you to those past, current and future for serving. ❤