Know that the pain will pass and when it does you’ll be stronger…

 Relationships, they’re a tricky thing. They shouldn’t be, but, they are. And anyone who says otherwise is lying to you.

I came across a video on social media this week explaining what one of the top relationship killers was. It was about people believing the illusion of couples’ relationships being perfect based on what they post on social media, not taking in to account what goes on between couples off social media. It was a good point, and definitely one I believe can be a relationship killer but, that’s certainly not the only one.

Just within the last few months I was new to dating. After a longer-than-I-care to admit hiatus from dating, I entered a relationship — and from the beginning was guarded. For those who really know me, know relationships aren’t something I take lightly. No, I haven’t had countless ones but, the ones I have had I took to heart and during the relationship treated and cared for it deeply. That’s why I was hesitant at first to even start dating again — I didn’t want to have to learn it wasn’t going to work and result in a break up, leaving me to think I feel like the one who’s more heartbroken, even though that’s likely not true. That’s just who I am. I feel things twice as hard.

I get angry, sad, happy, in a cycle. Some people go through the actual stages of grief when they experience a break up but, it’s different for everyone. I try to be angry and then accept it and move on, but because I’m an emotional person, I just get sad and eventually, in time, I find the strength to move on.

I know people will disagree and probably think I’m being cold when I say I feel this —  that I feel like I wasted time on these said relationships but — it’s true. That’s time I won’t get back. Sure, I appreciate the experience but, I’m at the point in my life where I don’t want to “date around.” I want something serious and lasting. And I know I maybe shouldn’t have so many expectations but if I didn’t have any expectations at all then I would be dating frogs for literally ever, which my best friends (and mom) made a good point about needing to “date some frogs before finding my prince”, which I understand, but, I don’t want to do it forever.

I’ve come to know what I want, deserve and need in a relationship. I’ve been fortunate enough to have parents and other family members who model the type of love and relationship I want one day. Their relationships teach me how people in love should respect and appreciate each other. Their relationships show me that they’re not perfect — arguments happen — but that they handle them and find a way to do better next time.

It is because of these relationships and yes, ones I’ve seen in fairytales and even rom-com movies that I know what I want and and deserve. I want to fall in love with someone who’s ambitious, goal-driven, always striving to be the best possible version of himself; surprises me just because and is someone who appreciates when I surprise him just because. I want an equal balance of spending time together and with our own friends. I want someone who enjoys going out with me just as much as he enjoys staying in with me — enjoying any company at all with me. I want someone who appreciates big families and makes an effort to engage in conversation with them at events; and I do the same for him with his family. Family is extremely important to me and I want someone who appreciates their own as much as I appreciate mine. I want someone I can go on vacation with, or simply go on a long drive and that be hanging out together in itself.

There’s a long list of things I seek, love and want in a relationship. And I know that not every item will be met because, well, that would be unrealistic. Relationships are about giving and taking, compromise, and not all of those qualities I’ll be able to have at once. That’s okay. But I hope that that someone is willing to make compromises of his own.

Relationships, they’re tricky. They’ll make you feel your highest highs and can also make you feel your lowest lows.

Arguments and disagreements are a normal part of relationships — and those can bring you lows. And anyone who tells you they aren’t, aren’t telling you the truth. However, having arguments or disagreements in a relationship more often than not is not a normal part of a relationship. And it’s sometimes in those disagreements that you start to see a clearer picture of who someone is and that maybe, just maybe, as much as you may want the relationship to work and be with that person, it’s just not meant to be.

Or maybe, for you reading this, it’s because he betrayed your trust somehow, did something so unbearable that you can’t find it in your heart to forgive him or believe in his “sorry.” Things just happen, and no matter how badly you may want to be in a relationship with someone, some people just aren’t meant to be.

That’s something I’ve learned the hard way, unfortunately, more than once. And even though I’ve experienced it before, it doesn’t sting any less then next time it happens. But the great thing is is that it is possible to overcome. Sure, you’ll be angry, sad, happy — and have every right to be so — fighting to remain happy after being sad and angry but, eventually letting yourself, and your heart, feel the emotions full force and be sad again. It is a process. One I find myself going through right now. I didn’t want to but, it’s a possibility of any relationship — to experience a break up. I know in time my heart will have healed — and thankfully I have an amazing support system and a passion for writing, to get things off my chest — that will allow me to move on and perhaps try at love again, but it is still a process to handle.

It’s what I want and what I believe in. Like people are telling me now, have told me in the past and will tell me in the future, I’ll find someone when the timing is right; find someone who is as crazy about me as I am about them; someone who realizes that relationships will experience disagreements but instead of walking away and ignoring the problem, he’ll stay to fix it; someone who realizes relationships involve compromise; maintaining our own interests while also sharing in our significant others; and so much more.

I’m certainly more hard on myself than I need to be. I will try hard to remind myself I’m still young and have a whole lifetime to find love and settle down with someone, not for.

Until then, I’ll enjoy continuing to love and focus on myself first, enjoy the company of my family and friends and focus on working my dream career.


Relationships, they’re tricky. And they’re a rollercoaster of a ride — especially the potential break up that can follow, making you feel an array of emotions. But, it’s something to get through. It’s something I’ll get through this time, again.  It won’t happen overnight, no, and I won’t expect it to. It’ll take time, and just like that time, I’ll love and find love again when that timing is right.
Until next time…

XO,

– Ana 

Another year, lots of new dreams…

So we’re in the second month of the year, I know. I also know I am really bad at keeping up with this but, it is what it is.

Anyway… Since the last time I posted, a lot of things have gone down.

Good things, of course.

The biggest thing to happen was… I accepted a job offer and moved back to Michigan.

Let me tell you, that was one of the most difficult yet happy decisions I’ve ever made. While I was sad to say my “see you later’s” (*I don’t believe in “goodbyes”) to my coworkers in Marion, I was beyond the moon happy to be moving back to Michigan–to be closer to my family, my friends. Being back in the state I am and will forever be proud to call my home.

I’m a Michigander at heart. No, I wasn’t born here but I was raised here and I for one, think it’s a pretty damn cool state. Except the winter. I could do without the harsh winters–especially being a working adult now and still having to go in no matter what. (*I so miss snow days as a student) The job isn’t in the city I grew up in but it’s muuuuch closer than Marion was so, I took it.

Now I’ve only been at this job a few weeks, well, now almost a full month, and living in my apartment for not even a full week (it’ll be a full week tomorrow) and let tell you, I love it. I had support from everyone moving back, although there were a few “Owosso, really? Mmmmk.” But, of course I didn’t let that discourage me from accepting the job offer and making the move to live here too.

The first couple of weeks I commuted from my parents’ house, which wasn’t the worst, but, it definitely wasn’t the best, either. Having to leave my house at 7 a.m. to get to work by 8 a.m. was less than ideal when I had to wake up around 5-5:30 a.m. to get ready. Thankfully, though, there were only like two major slippery/snowy days commuting and by taking my sweet time on the road, I made it in one piece.

Just a side note, I haaate driving in the winter. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. It gives me the worst anxiety and I am totally that person going 50 on the highway. I know, it’s just as dangerous to go slow on the highway as it is to speed but, it’s my life and the lives of others we’re talking about. And I know, we’re all just trying to get to work or to drop off our kids at daycare before work but, trust me, being a minute or two late given shitty weather conditions I think will have people empathize with you.

Anyway…

So like I said, it’s only been a few weeks but I seriously love it here. I love the job itself, my coworkers and town. Sure, it’s a small town, not much unlike Marion was but, there’s actually businesses still thriving here and a variety of businesses to pick from, whether it’s restaurants, grocery stores or fast food joints. Plus, my apartment I am even more in love with. I knew the moment I saw pictures online that I just had to see the units in person. And boy, am I glad I did. And I’m even more glad and thankful that a family friend made me aware of this apartment complex. I love it because it’s a loft style unit–a studio–and even though it’s a studio it has a partial wall so I have somewhat of a sense of privacy. It’s also a very secure building, which was huge for both my parents and me as I do live alone. The only downside is not being on the top floor because anything below you can hear people walking above. But, all in all the unit itself and the updated look to it is enough to overlook the poorly built floors and ceilings.

Of course while I do enjoy it here so much, I still miss my coworkers in Indiana. Thankfully we still talk often and Indiana really isn’t that far away but, I definitely miss our Snapchats pictures and group texts to each other when we’re sitting across from each other in the newsroom. 😉 On the bright side though, my co-worker did tell me I am still invited to her wedding this summer. YAY! (I love weddings! LOL!)

In other news… Since I last blogged in OCTOBER

Cheeto Man/Toddler… Oh I’m sorry, I mean PRESIDENT Donald Trump was elected as our 45th President of the United States. What crazy news that was! I remember sitting with my coworkers at my apartment after leaving the office late and staying up as late as we could to find out who would win the election.

We would later find out, to my extreme disappointment, that he had in fact won. 😦 I know, people kept and still keep saying to “give him a chance” but man, he acts like a freakin’ toddler every time something doesn’t go his way. YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT! START ACTING LIKE IT!!!!

Anyway, enough about him.

I’m just going to pretend like I live in some sort of alternate universe until four years from now.

In the mean time, I am trying really hard to get back on the diet and exercise plan. Ever since my best friend’s wedding last August I fell as much off the bandwagon as I could. Like, to the point where I am embarrassed for myself. No one has said anything to me about it, which is great but, at the end of the day your self-esteem and your own thoughts of yourself are what matter most.

I remember in 2015 doing so well with diet and exercise and having lost 15 pounds. It wasn’t my goal weight but, 15 pounds, even 5 pounds, is a major accomplishment in my books. Of course, people, my loved ones, would never tell me I need to lose weight, but thankfully they’re there to offer support for when I tell them I want to lose weight.

It’s just hard though. I don’t know why I think or make it hard. I just love food too much and part my issue, too, whether it’s actually stress-related or not, is I tend to overeat, which, if I am not exercising is going to translate to putting on weight more quickly than if I didn’t overeat nor exercise.

Part of the reason I ended up getting discouraged, though, was because after awhile I started to get such bad shin splints that is discouraged me from working out. All I could think about was the pain and it turned me off from wanting to go to the gym. So then there went my days of actually kind of looking forward to and actually working out to being a couch potato hiding in my room watching TV. Which, unfortunately I still do, but, I am hoping I can work my motivation up enough to start working out again, in addition to eating healthier. But of course, that’s much easier said than done.

Well, that’s all the updates I have for you guys now so —

Until next time…

XO,

Ana