October 2017 – ThirtySomething Shenanigans

October 24, 2017October 24, 2017

Enjoy the little things…

86062194df4c35c3acec17b4d216ea0d--rain-photography-city-scapes

This weather today and yesterday, yuck.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s better than snow in my opinion any day, but still, it just makes it a drag to get out of bed for work? Am I right?

So, I’ve decided to compile a list of things you can do after the work day while it’s still drizzly and gloomy outside…

Light a candle, plop on the couch or a comfy chair and read a book. Maybe it’s a book that’s been collecting dust on your shelf (er, maybe that’s just me) or one you just bought but you’ve been so bogged down with work you haven’t had time to crack it open yet.
Journal/blog. Nothing releases pent up emotions or just random thoughts in your head like letting it all out on paper. Grab a pen or pencil and get to writing (or typing if you’re blogging.) I did this last night on my phone instead of texting people and let me tell you, I felt much better about it this morning.
Create a dream board. Or in my case, a dream journal. It’s been a little bit since I’ve worked on it but when I started it I had a lot of fun. I have a bunch of old magazines that I just cut words and pictures from and pasted them in my journal. They serve as a reminder to not dwell on the little things and always keep reaching for your dreams, no matter how big or small.
Watch a TV series or movie. Same as reading s book, maybe it’s one you haven’t watched or ever seen.
Sit with a cup of coffee or tea and just listen to the rain. Open the windows and just listen. And/or think. Just let whatever comes to come mind come, and then let it go, especially if it’s a negative thought.
Call a friend. Think of how often you only text with a friend. Or, write a letter. Who wouldn’t love getting an old-fashioned snail mail letter? Dial that number or grab that pen and write a “just because” letter to your friend. Or perhaps even to your future self about goals you hope you accomplish.
Draw, color, paint. Nothing gets the juices flowing quite like that.
Do some season cleaning. It’s the fall now, so perhaps you still have a plethora of spring and summer clothes lingering in your closet or dresser and you don’t wear much of now or probably won’t ever again, so clean them out and donate them.
Listen to music. Simple as that. A day without music is a day wasted, in my opinion.
Take a nap. This is always number one for me on days like today but, I thought I would have a greater chance of people not reading this list until the end if I put napping as No. 1. 😉

Whatever you chose to do, make sure it’s a fun activity.

Until next time…

XO,

Anamaria

October 23, 2017October 23, 2017

Be kind, be thoughtful, be genuine, but most of all, be thankful…

still-life-07

I know I don’t say it enough but I have to say, I am extremely thankful to have the people I do in my life.

Whether it’s my family, best friends or acquaintances, they have proved to me in both good times and bad that I can rely on them, sometimes without me even reaching out to them first.

Reeling with a breakup is tough. I won’t be afraid to admit it that this one hurts like hell. And I know, I’m well aware I need to move on, and in time, I will.

I know I need to quit analyzing what went wrong because no matter how hard I try, it won’t ever make sense to me and I’ll likely never have a definitive answer, anyway. That’s the hard part. I hate not knowing things, the reasoning. Perhaps it’s part of my natural curiosity for things in general? Who knows…

For the longest time I never believed in “everything happens for a reason” but, as I got older, I realized that for me personally, it was the only way I could live my life. I had to believe there was a reason, even for the bad things, as to why they happened.

And I believe in it whole-heartedly now. While I may not know the answer now or ever, I must and do take comfort in knowing God must have something bigger up his sleeve for me.

I got to thinking the other day when talking with my cousin’s girlfriend about how her grandpa wants her to get married before he dies. It got me thinking to why I felt I was in such a rush to fall in love and get married and I realized that’s one of the reasons.

Of course, when I told this to my mom she said, and I of course agreed with her, that I couldn’t marry someone only for that fact. But, it definitely does play a big factor. On the other hand, I’ve wanted to fall in love and get married for as long as I can remember. I just love love. There is no simpler way for me to say it.

And while unfortunately I’ve dated frogs and haven’t found my prince yet, it was through those experiences that I learned what I will and won’t settle for when I do find true love and how thrilling and exciting it will be when I do find Mr. Right.

It also was through those experiences that I learned I do have true people in my life who I can lean on and whose shoulder I can cry on when my heart gets broken or for any other rough patch in life. People who will love me day in and day out and continue to do so no matter how many mistakes I make, or in this case, get my heartbroken and feel as though I’m not good enough.

Let me tell you, having a support system like I do is the greatest thing of all in life. I wouldn’t have made it through my past breakups, or other hardships in life, if it weren’t for my amazing friends, family and others who have gone out of their way to make sure they know I am always loved and cared for, and that my value doesn’t decrease just because of someone else’s inability to see it.

Sure, I roll my eyes — with a smile — when they tell me, because while as much as I don’t feel like I’m worth it when my heart and spirits get crushed, deep down I know it’s true, that I am loved.

Not only by them, but by God, too. I’m not a hugely religious person or anything but I do believe in God and ironically enough yesterday as I was driving back home I passed a church sign that said, “When all else fails, God loves you.”

It was a message that couldn’t have came at a better time for the situation I am dealing with right now. OK, so not all has failed me, like my mom pointed out, and that there are people beyond God who love me, but still, it was just both eerie and a nice reminder to know that I am not alone in feeling like this at the moment.

Like I said, in time I will get over this heartbreak. But it will take time. This I know.

It’s strange, though, while I am sad, I am also grateful for the experience because like I said above, it taught me what I will and will not settle for in the future. And like the quote goes,”It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”

So we didn’t work out? It sucks. But the people who end up being wrong for us end up leading us to the person who is right for us. And for that I am excited.

But my point of this particular post is, is that I couldn’t get through this without my friends and family. The ones who continue to lift me up a little more each day and remind me I am worthy of someone who loves me back just as I love them.

It wasn’t my last boyfriend and that’s OK. And again, I will be OK too, in time.

For now I will continue to grieve my breakup and focus on me and doing what makes me happy alone. And then one day when I am ready, I will get back in the dating game full-swing. Because whether anyone else believes it or not, I sure do, I will fall in love some day and have my “happily-ever-after.”

So my family and friends, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I truly can’t say it enough for I probably would never want to get out of bed because you know me, I like to be super dramatic and believe things are way worse than they actually are. But I know there are way worse things in the world than a breakup. My breakup wasn’t the first and it won’t be my or anyone’s last.

Remember, just because one person doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean no one else loves you. Hell, even a stranger might love you but you won’t know it until you meet that “perfect” stranger. 🙂

Until next time…

XO,

Ana

October 19, 2017October 19, 2017

Tough times don’t last, tough people do…

Another one bites the dust…

Heartbreak. Sucks, doesn’t it?

I should know, I’m dealing with one right now. On the one hand, fortunately for only the second time, or, third, if you count the second heartbreak with the same person.

But regardless of how few or many times one has experienced heartbreak, it still hurts. For some, it might not hurt as much the more they experience it. But, for others, like myself, it feels like it gets harder.

Perhaps maybe it’s because I am expecting much more than I did when I was younger and so I have a lot more to lose. Or maybe I just feel and love too much. Perhaps that’s my downfall.

Then again, maybe it’s just not all me. In fact, it’s not all me. Just like it takes two people to sustain and maintain a relationship, it really does take two people to break it.

Despite this heartbreak, though, and the one before, I still do believe in love.

Yes, I am heartbroken, sad, angry, confused. A lot of things. But, ultimately, I know, like so many people tell me and have told me countless times before, there is the man of my dreams and meant for me out there somewhere. And one day, I’ll meet him.

Perhaps it could be him, the one who broke my heart now, again one day. I believe people can change and grow, and I also believe that two people who are truly meant to be will find a way to be together, if and when the time is right.

But perhaps it’s a different man completely, which is both exciting and scary. I know, it’ll happen when it’s meant to. That’s why I have vowed not to do any sort of dating for awhile.

Not only do I need sufficient time to heal, but I also just need and want to focus on myself. Find what makes me happy.

I’m willing and able to accept that I can’t put a time frame on when I’ll move on because it’s different for everyone and like I said above, I love and feel hard so this break up has affected me significantly.

I want to move on and be over him as soon as I can but I need to be realistic. Trying to force myself to just “get over him,” isn’t going to work. Trust me, I’ve tried the first time we broke up and the time before that when I broke up with my first boyfriend before him.

Perhaps for other women or even men themselves, they can move on in a pinch, which, in this case, if it’s the man well, how could it be so easy for him? Why is it so hard for me to move on? Perhaps he maybe hasn’t really moved on as quick as I think but copes with heartbreak differently than me.

And for that, I accept it. I love him and therefore I can accept that. I can accept people coping differently, or, even if he really did move on already. Why, because I felt that strongly about him that I can’t nor could ever find it in my heart to hate him.

I tried doing that with my first boyfriend and that did nothing for me, except made me angry and bitter for the better part of six years. It wasn’t until I got older and somehow wiser (lol) that I realized it takes too much energy to hate people. That’s not to say I’m not sad or angry that we broke up, but I know in time my heart will heal and I’ll be OK — I’ll move on. I wouldn’t want him to hate me and I don’t want to hate him.

Of course, every couple is different and some exes may hate their partner but that’s just not me, anymore. I know I truly love someone when I wish them well and only want what’s best for them. Of course, I have my moments of temporary setback where I get angry and think he doesn’t deserve happiness but then I snap back to reality and realize that isn’t fair and it takes too much energy to be mad. It sucks knowing you are no longer part of their happiness but, just the fact they’re happy in general should be enough to make you happy. Should be, anyway.

I’ll always hold a special place in my heart for former flames. Why? Because I’m not that kind of person not to. These people were a significant part of my life and while they no longer are, I will always at least have the memories, which makes me appreciative and grateful to have once had them a part of my life. If that makes sense? Basically, because I can’t hate them, again, no matter how badly they broke my heart.

Like the title of this blog posts says, “Tough times don’t last, tough people do.” So in time, like I said above, I will move on. I’ll be 100 percent happy myself and happy for him. But it will take just that: time.

I, nor should anyone else, expect me to snap out of the heartbreak like that. That’s not being realistic.

Thankfully, I have an incredible support system. The number of people who have texted me asking if I am OK is nothing short of amazing. I was reminded just how truly blessed I am to have the people in my life that I do. So, one person left my life? Doesn’t mean my life is over, it just means it’s time for the next chapter of it.

While I’m eager to find out what’s in store, I am going to just take it as it comes. Like I said, feel the hurt, anger, sadness and frustration and then eventually, gain the strength to move on.

I have good days where I don’t give it much thought and throw all of my energy into work (and, let’s be honest, watching TV, lol) and then not-so-good days where I cry, or can’t sleep at night because I’m wondering where I went wrong; and text him when I shouldn’t.

It’s a daily, habitual process. Every day when I get to work or wherever else I need/want to be I tell myself, “I got up, and showed up.”

I said that the other day and my brother asked me what I meant by it. I said, it means I didn’t let life (and its bad events) get me down. I rose again.”

It’s not an easy process going through a heartbreak. There’s no official manual that has a step-by-step of how to get over it. But usually, for a woman, it’s to cry, eat ice cream, go out with your girl friends, yell, sleep and find a hobby — which are all fabulous ideas, and most of which I’ve done so far. But then again, everyone is entitled to their own way on how they cope. That’s just how I am coping. There’s no right or wrong day to do so.

And that is why I must give a special shout out to two of my best friends who physically drove to my apartment to see me the day after my break up last week because they knew I was hurting. And they’ve continued to text me throughout the week because they know I still am hurting. I mean, who could ask for better friends? I certainly could not and I am and will forever be so grateful for them. I would not be able to make it through this heartbreak without them, my other friends, and especially my mom and family. So thank you, thank you all.

In the mean time, I’m going to try my best to find distractions, er, a hobby to keep me busy. Find something I enjoy to do that is not only a distraction but truly makes me happy.

If anyone has any helpful suggestions, leave a comment.

And remember, “Tough times don’t last, tough people do.”

Until next time…

XO,
Ana

October 2, 2017October 2, 2017

The first step to accepting yourself is to stop comparing yourself to others…

It’s officially fall.

The season changed to fall Sept. 22, but who’s counting?

With a change of season I feel like comes a change for many of us. Or, at least those seeking a change. To be honest, I’m not quite sure if I am ever actually seeking a change, or, if I just think I should be doing something different than the same old, same old.

As for this new season?

I could say I am up to changing this or that, but the reality is, I would probably let whatever change I set my mind to fall to the way side because, let’s face it, that’s just who I am.

I will say this, perhaps I won’t do anything drastic, but, as time moves on and I get older each day (because, let’s face it, we all do) I realize I need to stop and smell the roses — er, coffee. I must do this before I just continue to freak out about my two years old mid-life crisis at 27 and wonder why my life isn’t how I pictured it to be when I was younger?

I don’t know when exactly it was but at some point, I started to panic about being whatever age I was at the time and wondering why I wasn’t at the same point in my life as my friends. It never used to bother me, and then one day I found myself constantly obsessing, wondering if and when I would reach certain milestones or other goals people my age tend to make.

In reality, I know me obsessing and freaking out about what I haven’t yet accomplished is a big waste of time and and stress on me, but, I haven’t quite mastered yet the art of just “letting it go.”

How does one “let go” anyway? I think it’s much easier said than done. Right?

And you know, I’m not even sure if this freaking out is because I really think I should have accomplished these milestones by this age of 27, or, if I am more so freaking out about if and when, if ever, these milestones will be crossed for me?

I really think it’s a matter of if and when. After all, on the one hand, I can’t really picture myself as being married and having kids, or another milestone, at this very moment. Not that there’s anything wrong with being married and having kids right now, at whatever age you are, but, personally for me, having kids right now would just be irresponsible of me.

I mean, I am not engaged. I live in a studio apartment. Work five days a week, sometimes 6, up to 8 hours a day. It just wouldn’t be ideal to have a kid. And then as for a wedding? That’s a lot of time and money, too, that, unfortunately I just don’t think I have right now. Obviously in the future I anticipate and hope to, but, that’s the future.

Then, if I don’t stress myself out about myself enough, I feel like I get stressed for other people. People my age getting married, having kids, doing this and that. It can make my head sometimes spin wondering how they are going to balance the process of those things, and the end result, all while maintaining their jobs, friend and family?

I don’t know, perhaps all of these people handle stress and change better than I do, which is likely the case, but then I also wonder when and why it became the “norm” to do all this stuff, which to me, seems so soon?

OK, so it’s really not soon. I mean, I am now officially closer to 30 than I am 20 and that thought alone is terrifying. When I was younger I thought I would be married by the time I was 26 and probably, if ever, have kids shortly after. Funny, right? But, true.

For whatever reason, that wasn’t in the cards for me, which is fine but, with more and more people my age settling down with their significant other and having been steady in their career for a long time, I can’t help but feel I somehow got far left behind in that bandwagon.

Now I know, some people are probably reading this and have actually questioned me like, why is this such a big deal to you and my response is always the same. I don’t know. Perhaps, honestly though, a twinge of envy. Obviously I am happy for other people who are happy, and that’s not to say I am not happy but, I can’t help but wonder (if and) when I will get to experience all these great milestones that they’re reaching. Perhaps, because I am how old I am I figured I should have already reached these milestones? Maybe, but, life has its own way of playing out, which is something it took me a long time to realize.

I used to hate it when people would say, “Everything happens for a reason.” My eyes would bulge out of my head and I would think, “They’re crazy.” Example being, if a loved one died, whether it was of natural causes or terminal illness or accident. WHY? Why did this awful thing have to take my loved one away? I could never fathom why people would say that and I refused to believe it was true until I got older and I essentially forced myself to believe it.

And so perhaps that’s what I need to do now. Force myself to believe that when the time is right, and when it’s meant to be, I will reach all these great milestones so many others I know already have. Perhaps it really isn’t a matter of if it will happen, but when, and it will happen when it’s meant to.

For now, I just to focus on the present. Focus on what is now, not what was or what will be, but the now. And the me now needs to focus on being happy, not envious, of my fellow peers, and focus on thriving on my own. Being happy for myself, by myself, and focusing on my career. I myself have a lot going for me personally and I tend to forget that sometimes.

But like I’ve said before, this is all much easier said than done. And with that, I will likely have to “fake it until I make it”/force myself to believe that when it’s meant to be, I’ll be content with my life and genuinely 100% happy/0% envious of those around me. It pains me to say I have a twinge of envy but, I gotta be honest with people and myself. Otherwise, it’ll just eat away at me and I’ll be miserable.

Anyway…

Until next time…

XO,

Anamaria