Life – Page 5 – ThirtySomething Shenanigans

December 2, 2015December 4, 2015

Don’t Let Your Past Steal Your Present…

So the other night when I couldn’t sleep all I could think of was how I could be writing a really awesome blog post with all my thoughts going on.

But, clearly, it was late and the lights were off and I was under the sheets praying I would doze off soon. Anyway, I got to thinking about some recent events that took place and how the old me would be shaking her head at me but the me now, I just laugh it off–and my friends even cheered for me as I lived through my own silly experiences (that’s what I call them anyway–to some they might be considered mistakes but, in my opinion, everything happens for a reason).

I myself couldn’t even believe what my present self was doing but I realized once my friends pointed it out that I was simply being me–simply being a 25-year-old–it was normal. I am living life with no regrets and on my own terms–doing what I want to and (trying) not to be too concerned with what others think. After all, I am an adult, right? Legally we are deemed an adult at 18 so yeah, that was 7 years ago.

Anyway… Where this thought process is coming from you might be wondering? Well, a few different things. It started with one thing that lead to another thing–quite a big thing, actually, to me–and how as a result I had my grown up epiphany. Sure, I had one a few years ago when I came to terms that everything happens for a reason but this time, the present me, could accept what was really happening for what it really was–and not what I wanted it to be.

It started out at a birthday party…

I knew my ex would be there. I didn’t think much of it other than he probably wouldn’t speak to me (as he hadn’t in the past on the rare occasion we were in a place with mutual friends). But even though I knew he’d be there and I assumed he knew I would be there, I wasn’t sure how either of us would act. I knew it was better to act polite and not say anything at all rather than accidentally say something that comes off as rude or something.

So I get to dinner and we’re sitting diagonally from each other. It was slightly awkward–mostly I think because I made it so–I avoided looking over that way, but as the night went on, I couldn’t help but think how silly this whole thing was. I kept thinking, really, it’s been OVER four years–we’re both adults now–I think the least we can do is be CIVIL. Right? Well, I let the dinner continue as it was, and then the “awkwardness” there was I let linger back to my cousin’s house where my ex and I Just stood on opposite sides of the room and didn’t speak. I would have spoken sooner but the truth is, I didn’t know what to say. I mean really, what do you say to someone, someone you used to be in love with and dated for 3 1/2 years after basically not speaking for over 4 years? I mean, really?

pastfuture

Anyway… We pregamed at my cousin’s house for a bit and finally made our way downtown to the bar. Still at the bar, my ex appeared to be stand-offish (but maybe that’s just the vibe I personally was getting) and being really quiet. Finally, I couldn’t handle it anymore–it was just too weird. So, I mustered up the courage and maturity to ask him, “Hey, how’s it going?” From there I thought the rest of the night went great.

Even after that, we hung out and caught up about our lives over the past couple of years and it was fine, it was great. I felt like a new leaf had truly turned as we were talking as just friends and like we didn’t have this dramatic past. Not that we both didn’t know it had actually happened but, in that moment, we were able to be mature about it and say it just didn’t work out but that we were both happy for each other now.

Of course after that, without going into too much detail here, I think we both came to realize that we probably can’t be friends. After all, we haven’t spoken to each other in over a week and the last time we talked I just got this bad vibe. I’m not really sure what exactly happened, but, despite the fact we may not talk again, I do feel better–I feel as I got some type of closure on my behalf that I felt in a way I never got four years ago and deep down needed. But it’s funny–some were worried I might go back to my old ways with him–which I suppose I could have but, at the same time I am more confident in saying that when one door closes, another one opens. And, when that one door closes, you leave it closed. So, we may never talk–and yeah it sucks, and that COULD change (never say never), where we can talk and be cordial or friends again but for now, I must leave the door to that conversation and experience closed. If it opens again it’s for a reason. But for now, it’s also closed for a reason.

I share this because I myself know and have seen how much I have grown up since that first heartbreak of mine. My closest friends and of course my family, saw how much it tore me apart. And I won’t lie that it did. I found it embarrassing at first but, you know what, I’m the type of woman who would rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I think everyone at some point experiences a serious heartbreak–whether it’s their first or fifth. I don’t regret us falling apart and breaking up because I learned a lot from that relationship and about not only what I want and don’t want in a future boyfriend (turned husband) but about myself. I’ve grown up not just physically but emotionally. I definitely would not be the woman I am today if it weren’t for that tried-and-failed relationship, as well as other tried-and-failed mistakes. Not to say that relationship was a mistake but rather a lesson learned. I’ve learned other things outside of my relationship the hard way and while it has sucked and made me mad, sad and unhappy–I realize it happened for a reason and I am who I am today because of those experiences.

Some people might frown upon my mistakes or not approve of the decisions I make in life but, I am 25-years-old and that’s what part of my job in life is to do–live, make mistakes, and learn from them. Sure, I was taught a lot of things, if not, EVERYTHING, from my parents about how to AVOID mistakes but, I’m only human and that’s what we humans do. And I won’t apologize it. For those who have a problem with how I live my life well, that’s their problem–not mine.

Sure, I may still live at home, be single and spend too much money on clothes. Which, really, I probably shouldn’t be announcing to the world but you know what, it won’t last forever. This is a phase of my life (the living at home and being single–the money/clothes thing is my own issue) and someday I’ll be in a different one.

A lot of times I put this immense amount of pressure on myself to not live at home or be single since a lot of other people my age and that I personally know are out on their own and dating or getting engaged and married and even having kids.

It’s funny though, a certain someone, like the certain someone above, said we probably couldn’t date again anyway because I don’t want kids. Well, I’ve been adamant about that for a long time, and say it repeatedly any time someone mentions kids (their own, hell), but, like so many people continue to tell me–MAYBE, just MAYBE, one day I’ll change my mind. Not that I would change my mind just for this certain someone but, for me, right now, at this very point in my life–I have other priorities. I have my own plan/dreams/goals that I want to reach–I want to establish myself in my career and save up to eventually move out on my own and along the way start settling down with someone–date someone exclusively. I am the type of woman where I want to be exclusive with one man–not go out on “dates” with several different men. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that by any means but I’m just not that type of person. I’m too awkward for that, LOL. I just need someone who can handle and admire my awkwardness for what it is AND also accept my “unique” family. LOL! 😉 We’re not your typical family–far from it–and someone has to be pretty damn awesome and willing to accept that. 🙂

So I guess for now I’ll continue doing what I am doing… Being thankful I have a job, even if it’s not my final career goal, have awesome friends who support me and my crazy adventures/experiences and don’t judge (lol) and have an AMAZING family who could NEVER be replaced–and also don’t judge.

I’ve made mistakes, and I’ll continue as I continue living this life of mine but, at the end of the day, it’s really only MY opinion that matters of myself. Am I right?

Anyway…

Just had some random thoughts I wanted to share in hopes in that maybe some way others could relate to it but, even if it not, I still got it off my chest.

So until next time…

XOXO,

-Ana

November 3, 2015November 3, 2015

There Is Always Something To Be Thankful For…

November is the month of Thanksgiving.

So in honor of turkey day coming up at the end of this month and remembering what Thanksgiving is truly about, I want to share about the people in my life and why I am thankful for each and every one of them.

This past weekend, Halloween specifically, served as a reminder as to why I am truly blessed with the family I have. We may not be perfect–we may act a little nutty at times–and we may not see eye-to-eye on every thing but, at the end of the day, I wouldn’t trade any member of my family for the world. After how all, how boring would life be if we all got along every minute of every day? Agh, I can’t even imagine, LOL.

So let me first share why I am thankful for my family…

…. Also, I would like to point out that November is National Adoption Month, so it makes this month and post even more special and sentimental. 🙂

Why I am thankful for….

My mom and dad: Well, if weren’t for them I wouldn’t know what having loving parents feels like, or have shelter and the basic necessities of life. If it weren’t for both of them, I would not be the woman I am today. I’ll admit, I definitely don’t say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ anywhere near enough, but, I am so beyond blessed to call them my mom and dad more than they will ever know. They taught me everything I know–well, maybe not spelling, LOL, but just about everything else. But the one, single most important thing they’ve taught me is to NEVER give up. I’ve had countless times where I said I give up, I’m throwing in the towel, but, they told me to keep pushing myself and eventually, what’s meant to be will find its way. I will never be able to thank them for everything they have done, do now an will continue to do–and I can only hope then that I make them proud. Thank you, mom and dad, for being the absolute best parents in the world. I love you both more than words could ever explain. Just always remember that–even though, you know, I am a brat most of the time. LOL. It’s how I show my love. Plus. some parts of my personality/behavior come from BOTH of you. I.e. My OCD-like behavior comes from mom, and my “truck driver” mouth as you, mom, call it (lol), I would say I get from dad. That, and he and I both watch shows you consider “scary/gross” like Criminal Minds. Love you both!

My brother Tom: I don’t normally post sappy/sentimental posts about my siblings individually but, considering this is a month to be even more thankful than normal, I will share why my brother means so much to me. I can’t imagine having a different “Tom” for a brother. Sure, when he and I were younger we would argue the most but now that we’re older we hardly ever fight. Mom and dad think we’re fighting sometimes but most of the time we’re joking. Honestly, our relationship and interaction is quoting Mean Girls and other movies. I couldn’t imagine doing that with anyone else. I am proud and thankful to have Tom as my brother because he is hardworking and dedicated person. He’s also extremely caring and protective–especially when it comes to this family. I love you big bro–even though sometimes we do really fight and I yell how much I can’t stand you–know at the end of the day that I love you and wouldn’t trade you for anyone else!

My brother Adam: We’ve never been one to fight majorly, except on some certain occasions (lol), which I will not go into detail about, but, Adam, he’s like no other. Of course I mean that in a good way. Even though we don’t always see eye to eye on things, the one thing I admire and look up to him for is always standing up for what he believes in, being a hard worker and not taking people’s bullshit. He’s not only smart, but he’s extremely loyal both to this family and even his closest friends–who he treats just like his own family. He’s always there to listen when I ask him for advice, even though most of the time i do the opposite, lol, I know he means well with what he says and only wants what’s best for me. Plus, he surprised me a couple months ago when he told me how well he knows me–and that family is everything to me. Oh, he got me that time. But that’s because he’s that amazing of a big brother. Love you!

My brother Kyung-Hong: Where do I even begin? There aren’t enough words to explain how incredibly grateful I am to have you in my life as a brother. Even though you haven’t lived close (enough) to us in awhile, you are never truly that far away. I love that I can always count on you, whether it’s a phone call or text, when I need advice or to vent. In fact, I miss our late night chats when you come to visit. Of course, times have changed since we were younger and you have Yoomi, Calvin and Genette, and most of the time I am out with my friends when you’re here 😦 but, it doesn’t mean I love you any less. You are truly an inspiration to me. It’s so amazing to see you follow through and achieve your dream of owning your own dental practice. I can only hope to one day do the same–achieve my dream of working in the news/journalism field with my dream/right-fit-for-me position. I love you so much and am so, so blessed and thankful to call you my big brother.

My sister Michele: Well, for starters, thanks to you I have great hair AND great teeth. LOL. But beyond that, I am thankful you’re my sister because (in my opinion), like Adam, you don’t put up with other people’s bullshit. You’re extremely caring and protective of not only your own family but mom and dad and us siblings as well. Plus, I’m thankful for you putting up with my shenanigans like when I called you late at night and made you come over when I was crying over a certain boy. LOL. Good times, right? I’m thankful you live down the street from us so I can see you, Robert and the kids often–not everyone is so lucky to have their sister/bro-in-law/niece and nephew live so close to them. 🙂 I am thankful for all the times we get to share together–especially up north and our bond over coffee and the grumpy guy at Starbucks. LOL! Even though there’s a whole 19 years age difference between us, I’m glad you’re my sister. Plus, you’re also one of two of my favorite gingers so there ya go! 😉 Love you!

My sister Sheila: The one thing I admire about you is you will go above and beyond for your kids. You will do absolutely anything to make sure they are protected and don’t have to put up with what they don’t deserve. I’m thankful you’re my sister because if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have done as well with my math classes or classes that involved creative projects without your help. (Remember the Buddha in high school?) And like Michele, you’re protective of our WHOLE family, not just your own kids and Lon. I appreciate the fact you would do anything for any single one of us. Plus, you as a sister you give tough love–and by that, you tell me the truth, even though it may not always be what I want to hear–like when I dated a certain someone and I so badly wanted it to work and you told me it just simply wasn’t meant to me and I could do better. I didn’t appreciate it back then but looking back, I see you were right and I am glad I have siblings who care enough to tell me the cold hard truth that they know will truly benefit me and pay off in the end. Thank you!

After explaining why I am thankful for my parents and siblings, I would list every single niece and nephew I have but then this blog post would seriously go on for literally ever. But, I am VERY MUCH THANKFUL to have the BEAUTIFUL nieces and nephews I do. I can’t imagine life without any of them them. Plus, as much as I say now how I don’t ever want kids (but my whole family is adamant I’ll change my mind), I know I would be okay with not having any because I have so many wonderful nieces and nephews (AND two GREAT-nieces) to keep me occupied. 😉 So, I am incredibly thankful for my siblings for allowing me to be an aunt. Being an aunt is truly one of the best things in the world. 🙂

I am of course also extremely grateful for my (maternal) grandparents (and my paternal grandparents as well–even though they’ve passed, I know they’re always here in spirit <3) who are both still alive and are always around. I am thankful and incredibly blessed they are still here and doing just dandy in life. I’m even more thankful they were both able to see me achieve a huge accomplishment of mine–walking across the stage at CMU to receive my Bachelor of Science degree last December. It means the world to me to have them here for both the BIG AND LITTLE moments. I cherish every single time I get to spend with them. ❤

AND of course I am thankful for my brother/sister-in-laws and extended family like my aunts, uncles and cousins. ❤ ❤ ❤

Now to give thanks to some of my best friends… Obviously aside from my family, I have NO idea what in the world I would do without the following people in my life. We’ve experienced good times obviously, but, we’ve also experienced some tough times and it was through those our friendship(s) became even stronger. I can’t imagine not having these friends as a support system. These are the friends who I consider like family who have been there since day one of our friendship.

Erin: You are my number one, ride-or-die best friend in the entire world. My other half. ❤ I honestly am so blessed to have you as a friend and share a special bond (being adopted) and you standing up for me in the second grade when some kids were not being so nice about me being adopted. I don’t know what I would without you in my life. And even though you ended up moving two hours away in the third grade, our friendship withstood that. Not all friends can manage long-distance friendships but we’ve managed to do it for years now and for that I am proud and grateful. We never let distance, new friends, time, work or anything else get in between us. And even though now it seems like sometimes we go TOO long without seeing each other, we are always able to pick up where we left off. I would really be lost without you and I can’t wait to see you as my maid of honor one day when I get married. Love you so much, best friend!

Sarahann a.k.a “SarahAnn The Wonderful” a.k.a. “SA”: I can’t even begin to explain what it means to have you in my life as a best friend. I am so incredibly thankful we met and became friends in junior high. There is NEVER a dull time between us and we are always laughing at such random things. We can be silly with each other, but, you’re also the friend who lends a listening ear or shoulder to cry on if needed. You are the definition of a true friend and I am thankful everyday we have never once grown apart. I am also thankful for you and the others for sticking with me literally through thick and thin–like a time ago when I sacrificed my friend for a boy–you all were still there at the end and for that I will be forever grateful to all of you for that. Not all friends would do that and so that just goes to show what amazing friends I have. Thank you for being you and for being such an amazing person and friend all these years. Here’s to endless more years of friendship.

Maria: First off, lucky us for being able to be neighbors. YAY! Second off, you are not only an incredible person but you are a STRONG person. I would have never thought we as a group of friends (and of course your family) would have to endure such a difficult situation of you getting cancer in high school, but I believe our friendship is even stronger because of it. I can’t imagine a life without you in it because you are truly an amazing person. You have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know and that isn’t always easy to come across in people. I love that we can trade clothes with each other and all cry with each other when we’ve had a bit too much to drink (i.e. Heidee and April’s apartment bathroom, LOL) and always pick up where we left off. While you no longer live in town, like I just said–we’re always able to pick right back up and for that I am thankful. Thank you for being such a great friend. I can’t wait to experience so many more memories with as we grow old together–because yes, we WILL grow old together–all of us. 😉

Cassie: You are truly one of a kind. I mean that in a good way too! I wouldn’t get nearly as many laughs in my life if it weren’t for you. You are always cracking jokes and being sarcastic and I of course believe every word you say. LOL. Plus we take awesome selfies together and say “Bye Felicia” on a frequent occasion. HA! But you are truly an amazing person on the inside and out and you too have a big heart that cares so much for others, which is what I appreciate most about you. I can’t imagine knowing another girl with your personality because there can only be ONE Cassie B. 😉 Thank you for showing me what a true friend is over the years I can’t wait to see what crazy new memories we make in the future. ❤

Ashley a.k.a. my “little” (sister): Oh my…. Where to begin? You are truly one of the most phenomenal people I have ever met. I knew the second I met you and realize you loved Disney that I wanted YOU to be MY little. I was going to freak and be super sad if we weren’t matched up. You’re truly the peanut butter to my jelly, cheese to my macaroni, milk to my cookie, spring in my step, flip to my flop… You get the idea, right? You are truly a beautiful person on the inside and an even more beautiful SOUL. You go above and beyond for everyone you know and you would give the world to make others around you happy. I love you so much and am so thankful you were chosen as my little sister–the one I never had but am thankful I do now. You are one of a kind and if there’s any advice I could give to you should you ever doubt yourself (not that you should) is: “NEVER LET ANYONE DULL YOUR SPARKLE.” It’s a quote I love and like to live by because you should always strive to do what’s best for YOU. I love you and am so thankful to have you in my life. Together forever, never apart. Maybe in distance, but never at heart. ❤

Kayla: It’s crazy to think that your original choice was to attend WMU instead of CMU but boy am I sure glad you made the change. I am so happy I was able to experience college with you by being roomies. I couldn’t have asked for a better roommate. Even though I am super sad you don’t live here anymore, I am SO, SO incredibly proud of you for following your dreams and creating your own life in TN. Plus, even though you live in a different state, at least it’s a cool one that I always look forward to coming to visit. LOL. I know you’re already doing big things but I have no doubt you’ll do even bigger things in the future and that is something I admire a lot. Thank you for being not only a wonderful roommate all those years at CMU but for being an AMAZING friend. I look back on our memories together and they are all happy, funny memories. Like “Quivers” for example. Oh, our many inside jokes. HAHA! I look forward to making even more memories together when we see each other here or there.

Courtney: Words cannot explain how thankful I am to have you AND Kennedy in my life. We’ve been best friends sixth grade and who would have thought we would be where we are today? 🙂 I admire you so much for being a positive role model to Kennedy and doing everything you can to make sure she’s taken care of. You are amazing mother and I am so proud of you for that. I am also proud and thankful to call you one of my best friends forever–and I’m super happy we’ll now live closer together. 🙂 Thank you for being such a wonderful, amazing friend and even more so, just a wonderful, amazing person in general. Never forget how strong, amazing, awesome and fabulous you are either! Can’t wait to see what memories we continue to make in the future!

Alison: We’ve known each other forever and while as we’ve gotten older we haven’t been able to hang out as much, I do and will always consider you one of my best friends. I am so thankful our brothers met and became friends so we could become friends. So many of my childhood memories involve you since we lived down thee street from each other. I have had too many laughs to count with you (and even your family–and going on vacations together; what fun!) and I am so thankful to have you in my life. Plus, I am also incredibly honored you asked me to be a part of your and Ryan’s special day next year. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us and what new memories we’ll make. I love you (and Ryan) both and I can’t wait to stand by your side during one of the best moments of your life. Thank you for being such an incredible friend. ❤ ❤ ❤

Okay, I could literally go on and on with a list of my friends who I am thankful for but, honestly, my fingers hurt from typing. LOL.

But, to all of my friends who weren’t specifically named (and you know who you are…. I hope!), know I appreciate my friendship with each and every one of you. We may not see each other/hang out or talk to each other as often as we like (adult life, ya know), but know I am extremely blessed to have you all in my life. Don’t forget that either. Love you guys!

So tell me… What are YOU thankful for this month? In general?

Feel free to comment and share.

Until next time…

XOXO,

Ana