Forgiving you is my gift to you; moving on is my gift to myself…

Seeds of Growth

It’s officially Monday, and I meant to write this yesterday but sleep and work won so here’s my post now. Although, as exhausted as I am I should be sleeping right now, considering I have to be at work in the morning.

But, Sunday marked something important and prominent in my life that I felt the need to address it and talk about it.

What is this certain something, you ask? It’s the fifth year anniversary of my break-up with my high school sweetheart. Like to the DAY, five years ago. You’re probably wondering why I’m mentioning this event as an anniversary, but, for a lack of better words…

It was five years ago on a Sunday that a phone call would change my life in a way I would have never imagined.

At that point in time, being almost 21 and having dated my then boyfriend for three and a half years, I couldn’t fathom that it was happening to me. I knew break ups happened all the time between people but, after having dated what seemed like literally forever to me, I couldn’t believe it was really happening.

Like, having spent three and a half years of my life with someone who wasn’t just my first love, and friend first, but he was my best friend. Someone I was fortunate enough at the time to have a part of my life.

To be honest, it hadn’t even dawned on me that the 13th of March was the day it was official that we broke up except that Facebook’s Time Hop reminded me. Thanks, Time Hop.

But, after realizing it, and having just had a conversation about it with my best friend, it felt appropriate to talk about it on here and how much my life has changed and how I’ve changed personally, for the better, because of this break-up.

I’ll admit, it is a little strange to think that FIVE years have gone by since that fateful phone call. Of course at the time I was sad, and for quite some time after, not even fully understanding or accepting that we were in fact over. I was hurt. I felt I didn’t deserve it; I thought he was my soulmate. But my, what time can do to a person.

In the past five years I’ve worked on being who I am meant to be.

I finished college, earned my Bachelor of Science degree in journalism. I joined a sorority, Delta Phi Epsilon, and served as the public relations chair in fall 2012. I celebrated two milestone birthdays, 21st and 25th; took my first airplane rides by myself (which, to me was a very big deal the first time I did–I was terrified, haha). I worked different jobs, spent more time with my family and friends; grew closer to my friends. I’ve grown up. I’ve changed in ways I never thought would be possible because when the break-up first happened, and like I said, for awhile afterward, I truly thought I would never move on. And then I remember at one point my one brother telling me I have to accept the fact that I may never talk to or see my old boyfriend again. Of course, that wasn’t entirely true as we talked briefly last November but, that didn’t end on the best of terms so we are back to no longer speaking.

But you know what? I’ve accepted it. It’s okay. I am not opposed to being his friend if he comes around to changing his mind but, I don’t hold it against him. Five years later and I am at that point my life where I can look back on the relationship and be happy. I don’t regret it. Some days I used to, but, I now know everything happens for a reason. So, I am thankful for having had the relationship with him. No, it didn’t work out, but every experience in my life, this one included, helped shape me into the woman I am today.

So, in honor of it having been five years, I’ve decided to write a public letter. No, I’m not going to mail this to him, but, I am writing it not only for my own sake of fully letting go of the past and accepting it, but also in hopes of other women seeing it and realizing they too can move on from a break-up, a heartache, and be happy again. ūüôā

I will admit, it is a little terrifying to put my thoughts like this out there but, at the end of the day it only matters what I think of my thoughts.

To The Boy Who Broke My Heart:

It’s been awhile since I’ve spoken to you. I’m almost certain I saw you out driving where I was out filming for work the other day but I can’t be 100% positive. It looked like you though, as did the truck look like yours. Of course I thought it was strange, only because what were the chances we’d both be in that area at the same time. That, and I was also wondering why you would be on that side of town anyway.

But, enough about that. I want to say I hold no hard feelings toward you. Sure, I wish we could be civil enough to chat–not on daily basis or anything–and to be friends, but, I guess it just isn’t meant to be that way. And that’s okay.

I will admit that for many months, and well, a few years I held both resentment and sadness about us breaking up. After all, you were my first true love, and the truth is, a small part of me will always hold on to that. I used to say I hated you for breaking up with me, but, looking back now, it’s kind of silly to hate someone because they don’t want to be with you anymore/don’t love you anymore. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you back? I questioned that for a long time and I now know that us breaking up did us both a favor.

When I think back to our relationship, I think of all the memories–both the good and bad. Mostly the good, as I don’t want to live with resentment over the bad times, and I smile. We had some great times and while there are times to this day I wish I could send you a text or call you up to tell you something funny, I thankfully have other people in my life for that. No, we’re no longer part of each other’s life, but, I wish you well.

During the time we dated you taught me a lot about love. I fell in love with you and you fell in love with me in return. You and I were opposites and yes, at times I wasn’t sure if we would date for as long as we did but, indeed we did. When I dated you I truly felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Like a princess. Not to say our relationship was perfect, because ours wasn’t, and no one’s is, but, the good times we had I am so happy I will forever have those to cherish.

I thank you. I thank you for asking me out. Oh, the way you asked me out–Won’t ever forget that. Too funny. You were more than just my boyfriend and first true love, but also my best friend. And of course, you were my first real heartbreak. But, as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. It took a long time, yes, and at times I thought I would never fully get over you–as pathetic as that sounds but boy, am I one determined and strong woman who was finally able to say “goodbye” to that chapter of my life. For the longest time I thought my life was over because we ended but oh how wrong I was. I realized that our relationship was just a chapter in my life, not the whole thing. It is in fact when my life really began.

Now I know you may never see this, and we very well may never talk again, but I do want you to know I wish you well. I’m grown up now and no longer not wish you well. Because, you know, I had to be young and immature by wishing you the worst. That of course was before growing up to be older and wiser. I no longer wish that. Because another thing I learned is that it takes up too much time and energy to hate someone. I have so many hopes, dreams and desires I intend to achieve in my life that I decided and realized I would no longer dwell on the past and think you’re a total jerk for breaking up with me. Like I said earlier, you did us both a favor. But, looking forward, if I ever have kids some day, or even if I am just talking to friends or my family (nieces and nephews) as they get older, I’ll speak fondly of our relationship. We had fights but, I choose to focus on the good of our relationship and for that, I am thankful.

Thank you for loving me, and allowing me to love you back. Thank you for allowing me to be such a special part of your life for three and a half years. Thank you for being a part of my life during those years and being there for me through both the good times and the bad. I wouldn’t have made it through the bad times as easily without your support.

I hope you too can look back at our relationship and not hold resentment toward me. But, should you, that choice is yours. I won’t hold it against you. I truly wish you well and if our paths happen to cross again, whether as acquaintances or friends or whatever, wonderful. But, if not, that’s fine too. Just know, no matter what, you’ll forever hold a special spot in my heart for having been my first love. And that for that I will be forever grateful. Thank you.

Ana

Until next time…

XO,

Ana

Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself…

I was in fifth grade when I officially declared I wanted to be a fashion designer.

fashionsketch

For our yearbook that year we had our own mini “bios” if you will, about what we wanted to be when we grew up, along with what our favorite activity, color was–or something along those lines. But, for what I wanted to be when I grew up–I had no hesitation of what to list.

 

I can’t recall the exact time that aspiration faded but, looking back now, I am happy I didn’t pursue that dream. Nothing against fashion designers–hell, I love fashion and give designers¬†MAAAAAAJOR¬†credit for all the hard work and effort they put in to making fabulous clothes, shoes and handbags. No, nothing against them at all. I just eventually realized I didn’t have the creativity, passion or even patience, to continue pursuing it.

After that dream fizzled out, my next and current dream was to write for a magazine. What magazine you may be wondering. Why, Cosmopolitan¬†of course.¬†I have loved that magazine for as long as I can remember.¬†And again, I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I knew I wanted to be a writer/reporter/journalist in general, but, I would say it was definitely solidified in high school.

LUCY HALE in Cosmopolitan Magazine
LUCY HALE in Cosmopolitan Magazine, September 2012 Issue

I wrote for the school newspaper, Ramparts, and at one point served as the Opinion Editor. It was a blast. I loved writing for the newspaper then and continued that line of work in college, where I wrote for Central Michigan Life as well as Grand Central Magazine.

However, now that I’m graduated from college, going on almost two years, I can’t help but sometimes wonder¬†when¬†my dream of being a full-time writer/reporter/journalist will come true. I know I shouldn’t but, I find myself constantly comparing myself to others– especially those in the same field, and wonder, why isn’t that me yet?

It’s a struggle from time to time, more often than not, but, thankfully through this blog and my work at HOMTV, I know that when the timing is right (hopefully by this summer), I’ll have landed a full-time job in my field. It’s tough though–I’ll talk to people outside of the news industry and when I tell them my ultimate career goals, they give me this look–probably not meaning to make it look so obvious, but nonetheless it’s still there–like why on Earth would you want to be a journalist? The news industry (specifically¬†print, which is my¬†main¬†and¬†ultimate¬†career goal) is dying, they say. As if I haven’t heard that before… Right?

Anyway… I wanted to be a fashion designer when I was younger and I don’t recall anyone trying to talk me out of that dream (now granted it was only fifth grade but still–if I said that now I would actually hope¬†for someone to talk me out of that one, ha!) and so why now that I am an adult, and spent five years in college studying journalism, do people want to essentially tell me “good luck getting a job” with that degree? It’s not that person’s dream so why do he or she feel entitled to tell me my dream/degree sucks? I think some other people’s dreams suck/are stupid but, I don’t go around telling them that to their face. It’s none of my business, and if it makes them happy, then great!

My point is, my dreams I had for myself when I was younger are different than what they are today.

In fact, while at this very point in time I think I have my hopes, dreams and goals all figured out, the truth is, I really don’t. I¬†think¬†I do, but, only God knows what the future holds for me. What I want and what I actually end up doing could¬†be totally different. Although, obviously, I hope my dreams come true. Not just for my professional career but in the personal aspects of my life as well.

For example, my dream is to be a reporter for a print publication. But, my internship position right¬†now is a TV reporter. That doesn’t go to say I’ll¬†only¬†apply for print jobs when I’m finished with my internship–I’ll of course apply for all and any kind of¬†journalism/news¬†job–but, what’s most important to me is that I am happy with what I am doing. And yes, this internship is an awesome experience. I’m so thankful I was given the¬†opportunity to do it. I have great bosses, co-workers; they want us interns to be successful and will answer any and all questions we have. And trust me, I have¬†a lot¬†of questions. LOL. I am learning so much that I can’t wait to apply to future jobs and show potential future employers my demo reel I’ll have made at the end of this semester.

But, if I’ll actually end up at a TV station once my internship is complete, I’m not sure. I tend to stress and worry too much about the future when I can’t control it–only the present–and it’s something I need to work on more. I would love to actually know and be people to share with the world that yes,¬†this¬†is what I will being doing come May, but, the truth is, I don’t know.¬†I would love to say yes, I will be a reporter at¬†X location, living in¬†Y location, but, the future is unknown. And that’s both exciting and scary. More often scary than exciting but, still.

Right now I can only focus on continuing to better myself as a reporter and become more confident in my on-air ability and interviewing skills. After all, those are pretty darn important as a reporter.

So, instead of focusing so much on the future, I’m going to try my best to¬†focus my mind on the present. And if anyone has any tips or advice on how to stay focused on the present and/ or¬†improving my skills and abilities as a reporter, I would love to hear them. I am all ears.

Or, perhaps a suggestion for a hobby–other than blogging (*although, I really do want my blog to take off and be substantial enough to where people who follow and read it, are genuinely interested in what I have to say. So, please, bloggers/writers/etc., send me some topics to blog about; I would¬†GREATLY appreciate it) and shopping (ha!), let me know.

Until next time…

XO,

Ana

You only fail when you stop trying…

Hello!

I meant to update this last week and then I kept using “I’m tired” as an excuse to not do it but really, I was just being lazy. Oops!

Anyway, I am back with an update since my last post to let you all know how my first couple weeks, actually, almost a whole month, has been at WILX.

So, I had just about one week of training when I was expected to produce on my own.

It was overwhelming, and a lot to learn, but I am grateful to have such helpful co-workers who want to see me succeed.

The first show, obviously, had some hiccups, and even the shows after that, but since then I have been non-stop taking notes and taking everything in.

I can’t help but feel this is still a dream.

It seemed like so much longer than a year I was waiting for my “dream job” and then finally the day come.

To some, their major they study in college is just something they either merely “like” or think will make them a lot of money.

Now I’m not saying that’s the case for everyone. For me, it definitely wasn’t.

Journalism, for as long as I can remember, has been an extreme passion of mine.

I’ve always had an innate curiosity for news, whether local, national, or international, as well as a curiosity for people’s stories in general.

I can’t pinpoint the exact point when I became so in love and passionate about the industry but since then, I’ve never thought about studying anything else.

Well, okay, that’s not entirely true… During the period I was applying for jobs and thought at times I would never get one, I thought I had maybe picked the wrong major.

But, ultimately, as I sit here, I can’t help but be glad, happy, that I chose this major and never gave up on my dream of working in the news industry.

It’s refreshing to be surrounded by like-minded people who share the same passion about news.

Because I am working in the industry I am most passionate about it makes me that much more determined and motivated to do well, work hard, and eventually–hopefully–become full-time.

I want to stay in this area, my hometown, and grow and learn with some of the best–people who I’ve long admired from watching in the comfort of my own home for years.

I know I still have a lot to learn, even though I’ve already learned so much, and know I will still make mistakes along the way… But, I am thankful to have a team of people who want me to succeed and do well and are willing to help me do so.

Anyway…

If you’re an early bird or even if you’re not and have DVR, be sure to tune in or set your¬†DVR¬†to 7 a.m. every Saturday and Sunday on WILX to see my newscast I produce.

Until next time…

XO,

Ana

She believed she could, so she did…

Last week I received a phone call that would be the phone call I had been waiting on for just over a year.

In August 2014 I received my Bachelor of Science degree in journalism. It was more than a major I studied but an extreme passion of mine. I couldn’t wait to see what job opportunity would be awaiting for me once I received that official piece of paper and started applying for my dream job.

Well, it turns out, landing my dream job would take much longer than I anticipated. I applied anywhere and everywhere I could think of. At first I limited it to just Michigan but then after some time I decided to apply outside of Michigan as well. But, as more time went on I decided that I in fact DID want to STAY in Michigan. After all, I grew up here, most of my family lives here, and I just like Michigan.

After three months of having graduated I finally landed a job at Becky Beauchine Kulka Diamonds and Fine Jewelry. I was ecstatic, especially since I love jewelry (and later on became OBSESSED with Alex and Ani). I worked there until July of this year when deep down I knew my one and true passion was to work in the news industry. I enjoyed my time at BBK and definitely learned a lot, especially about great customer service, but, I knew I wanted to focus on pursuing a journalism job. While my ultimate goal was to work in the news industry, I knew that was probably going to take some time, again, to land so I decided to apply and work at Bath and Body Works in the mean time to focus on gaining sales experience. I had gained some while at BBK, but, I wanted to expand on it at BBW. After being at BBW for little bit, I learned I was accepted into an internship program at HOMTV in Okemos. I was beyond excited, thrilled, and couldn’t wait to start. I was going to be a social media/promotions intern and I knew this experience would help me in the long run. But, little did I know, I would later have to respectfully rescind my acceptance.

A week ago on Wednesday was when I received the call I was being offered the job of news assistant/producer at WILX in Lansing. I kid you not as soon as I got off the phone I was jumping up and down freaking out. I couldn’t believe it and was BEYOND excited that my dreams of working in a newsroom were FINALLY coming true. During the phone call I immediately said yes before Kevin, the news director, could even finish explaining the details. He even paused for a minute to say how agreeable I was being. I told him I had been waiting for over a year for someone to give me a chance to get my foot in the door. He said, well, now you have your foot in the door. I couldn’t stop smiling after I got off the phone. I was on cloud nine.

He asked if I could start one week from that day and I of course said yes. So here I am on my second day of work and I still can’t believe it. It’s an incredible feeling working in the field I am most passionate about and to be surrounded by people who share the same passion for news.

While this journey took a long time (to me anyway) and at times I wanted to throw in the towel and say “forget it”, I’m certainly glad I didn’t. And I didn’t because of the constant and continued support from my family, friends and colleagues. And after experiencing it myself, I’m telling you, to whoever is reading this and still waiting to land their dream job: DON’T GIVE UP. It can be easy to want to but, like so many people told me, something WILL come along. So hang in there, and don’t stop trying. You never know when you’ll get that dream offer via phone call or email. ūüôā

As I continue to learn I will be trying my best to blog about my experience on a daily or weekly basis. As you know, I LOVE to write and being able to share my experience working at WILX is a great way to showcase that love.

Also, before I end this post, I must give a shout out to a former WILX member for being an inspiration and a huge reason I wanted to work here. I can’t wait to learn from the best and showcase what I learn. So thank you, for the advice and support along the way to landing this job. It’s nice to know I can now call you a colleague.

Until next time…

XO,

Ana 

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