Delta Phi Epsilon – ThirtySomething Shenanigans

March 14, 2016March 14, 2016

Forgiving you is my gift to you; moving on is my gift to myself…

It’s officially Monday, and I meant to write this yesterday but sleep and work won so here’s my post now. Although, as exhausted as I am I should be sleeping right now, considering I have to be at work in the morning.

But, Sunday marked something important and prominent in my life that I felt the need to address it and talk about it.

What is this certain something, you ask? It’s the fifth year anniversary of my break-up with my high school sweetheart. Like to the DAY, five years ago. You’re probably wondering why I’m mentioning this event as an anniversary, but, for a lack of better words…

It was five years ago on a Sunday that a phone call would change my life in a way I would have never imagined.

At that point in time, being almost 21 and having dated my then boyfriend for three and a half years, I couldn’t fathom that it was happening to me. I knew break ups happened all the time between people but, after having dated what seemed like literally forever to me, I couldn’t believe it was really happening.

Like, having spent three and a half years of my life with someone who wasn’t just my first love, and friend first, but he was my best friend. Someone I was fortunate enough at the time to have a part of my life.

To be honest, it hadn’t even dawned on me that the 13th of March was the day it was official that we broke up except that Facebook’s Time Hop reminded me. Thanks, Time Hop.

But, after realizing it, and having just had a conversation about it with my best friend, it felt appropriate to talk about it on here and how much my life has changed and how I’ve changed personally, for the better, because of this break-up.

I’ll admit, it is a little strange to think that FIVE years have gone by since that fateful phone call. Of course at the time I was sad, and for quite some time after, not even fully understanding or accepting that we were in fact over. I was hurt. I felt I didn’t deserve it; I thought he was my soulmate. But my, what time can do to a person.

In the past five years I’ve worked on being who I am meant to be.

I finished college, earned my Bachelor of Science degree in journalism. I joined a sorority, Delta Phi Epsilon, and served as the public relations chair in fall 2012. I celebrated two milestone birthdays, 21st and 25th; took my first airplane rides by myself (which, to me was a very big deal the first time I did–I was terrified, haha). I worked different jobs, spent more time with my family and friends; grew closer to my friends. I’ve grown up. I’ve changed in ways I never thought would be possible because when the break-up first happened, and like I said, for awhile afterward, I truly thought I would never move on. And then I remember at one point my one brother telling me I have to accept the fact that I may never talk to or see my old boyfriend again. Of course, that wasn’t entirely true as we talked briefly last November but, that didn’t end on the best of terms so we are back to no longer speaking.

But you know what? I’ve accepted it. It’s okay. I am not opposed to being his friend if he comes around to changing his mind but, I don’t hold it against him. Five years later and I am at that point my life where I can look back on the relationship and be happy. I don’t regret it. Some days I used to, but, I now know everything happens for a reason. So, I am thankful for having had the relationship with him. No, it didn’t work out, but every experience in my life, this one included, helped shape me into the woman I am today.

So, in honor of it having been five years, I’ve decided to write a public letter. No, I’m not going to mail this to him, but, I am writing it not only for my own sake of fully letting go of the past and accepting it, but also in hopes of other women seeing it and realizing they too can move on from a break-up, a heartache, and be happy again. 🙂

I will admit, it is a little terrifying to put my thoughts like this out there but, at the end of the day it only matters what I think of my thoughts.

To The Boy Who Broke My Heart:

It’s been awhile since I’ve spoken to you. I’m almost certain I saw you out driving where I was out filming for work the other day but I can’t be 100% positive. It looked like you though, as did the truck look like yours. Of course I thought it was strange, only because what were the chances we’d both be in that area at the same time. That, and I was also wondering why you would be on that side of town anyway.

But, enough about that. I want to say I hold no hard feelings toward you. Sure, I wish we could be civil enough to chat–not on daily basis or anything–and to be friends, but, I guess it just isn’t meant to be that way. And that’s okay.

I will admit that for many months, and well, a few years I held both resentment and sadness about us breaking up. After all, you were my first true love, and the truth is, a small part of me will always hold on to that. I used to say I hated you for breaking up with me, but, looking back now, it’s kind of silly to hate someone because they don’t want to be with you anymore/don’t love you anymore. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you back? I questioned that for a long time and I now know that us breaking up did us both a favor.

When I think back to our relationship, I think of all the memories–both the good and bad. Mostly the good, as I don’t want to live with resentment over the bad times, and I smile. We had some great times and while there are times to this day I wish I could send you a text or call you up to tell you something funny, I thankfully have other people in my life for that. No, we’re no longer part of each other’s life, but, I wish you well.

During the time we dated you taught me a lot about love. I fell in love with you and you fell in love with me in return. You and I were opposites and yes, at times I wasn’t sure if we would date for as long as we did but, indeed we did. When I dated you I truly felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Like a princess. Not to say our relationship was perfect, because ours wasn’t, and no one’s is, but, the good times we had I am so happy I will forever have those to cherish.

I thank you. I thank you for asking me out. Oh, the way you asked me out–Won’t ever forget that. Too funny. You were more than just my boyfriend and first true love, but also my best friend. And of course, you were my first real heartbreak. But, as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. It took a long time, yes, and at times I thought I would never fully get over you–as pathetic as that sounds but boy, am I one determined and strong woman who was finally able to say “goodbye” to that chapter of my life. For the longest time I thought my life was over because we ended but oh how wrong I was. I realized that our relationship was just a chapter in my life, not the whole thing. It is in fact when my life really began.

Now I know you may never see this, and we very well may never talk again, but I do want you to know I wish you well. I’m grown up now and no longer not wish you well. Because, you know, I had to be young and immature by wishing you the worst. That of course was before growing up to be older and wiser. I no longer wish that. Because another thing I learned is that it takes up too much time and energy to hate someone. I have so many hopes, dreams and desires I intend to achieve in my life that I decided and realized I would no longer dwell on the past and think you’re a total jerk for breaking up with me. Like I said earlier, you did us both a favor. But, looking forward, if I ever have kids some day, or even if I am just talking to friends or my family (nieces and nephews) as they get older, I’ll speak fondly of our relationship. We had fights but, I choose to focus on the good of our relationship and for that, I am thankful.

Thank you for loving me, and allowing me to love you back. Thank you for allowing me to be such a special part of your life for three and a half years. Thank you for being a part of my life during those years and being there for me through both the good times and the bad. I wouldn’t have made it through the bad times as easily without your support.

I hope you too can look back at our relationship and not hold resentment toward me. But, should you, that choice is yours. I won’t hold it against you. I truly wish you well and if our paths happen to cross again, whether as acquaintances or friends or whatever, wonderful. But, if not, that’s fine too. Just know, no matter what, you’ll forever hold a special spot in my heart for having been my first love. And that for that I will be forever grateful. Thank you.

Ana

Until next time…

XO,

Ana

August 25, 2014August 25, 2014

What To Know: Life as a Central Michigan University Chippewa

It’s hardly half-way through the first day of classes at CMU and already I am missing so many things…

I was done with classes in May so it’s not like I just gave up what I miss yesterday or anything, but, I can’t help feel nostalgic after seeing all my friends’ social media posts. In honor of the first day of my alma mater’s classes, I will post some things I personally miss, along with advice/tips incoming freshmen and anyone in general should check out/know during their time at CMU.

TIPS/ADVICE:

Tip #1: Invest in FLEX dollars. These are absolutely worth it and can be used to buy copious amounts of Starbucks at the University Center OR to buy endless spicy chicken sandwiches, also at the U.C. Or to buy anything else your heart desires, as long as it’s on CMU’s campus.

Tip #2: When driving to the U.C. and PARALLEL parking, make sure you do JUST that–PARALLEL park. Don’t park too close to the front or back line and mess up the parking for everyone else. If there’s one thing that peeves me the most it’s when people don’t take the two seconds to readjust their parking. Besides, you don’t want anyone else accidentally hitting your car or something, do you? Just do it and save yourself a scratch or fender bender.

Tip #3: It’s an unspoken, unwritten rule that where you sit on the first day of school is where you’ll sit every day after–unless your professor assigns you seats–in which case sucks. But, if you don’t have assigned seats then know where you pick to sit on the first day is pretty much guaranteed where you’ll be sitting the rest of the semester. In other words, please don’t be THAT person who decides halfway through the semester that he/she doesn’t like his/her seats and sits in someone else’s and then messes everything up for everyone else. Just don’t do it. Pick carefully.

Tip #4: While it’s still technically summer and not fall for another month, remember to dress for the appropriate whether. As it was just brought to my attention from one of my sorority sisters, there isn’t AIR CONDITIONER in the buildings. Meaning as soon as you step foot inside whatever building your class is in you’ll be wishing you could jump in a pool or have one of those portable fans with you like the ones that were popular (although I never understood why) when we were younger. It’s hot and depending on how long your class is, or regardless of how long your class is, you WILL be miserable if dressed in clothes made for cooler fall temperatures or even winter. And as an extra precaution: pack water, or something else to hydrate.

Tip #5: Join RSOs (registered student organizations). I can’t stress this enough. I will admit I wish I had joined an RSO sooner than the start of my junior year but you know, it is what it is. Anyway… Join a group, whatever it may be, as soon as you can. You might be worried you won’t have the time to commit to it, which was my major concern, but trust me, you will, and in the end it will benefit you immensely. And for the times you really don’t have the time for it, again, it will be worth it in the end. There are so many groups/clubs to join on campus that if you really can’t find one then, well, you’re probably doing it wrong. You’re bound to find something that sparks your interest or may end up sparking your interest if you at least give it a try. Check out Orgsync for a list of all the RSOs CMU has–that is, if you didn’t already check out Main Stage this past weekend. Even if you’re not sure about joining a club right away at least attend one meeting/event or even e-mail the president to get a better feel of what that particular club is about. Trust me, you won’t regret joining an RSO. Besides, after having joined my sorority, Delta Phi Epsilon, I use that in my cover letters when applying for jobs talking about my experience as the Public Relations Chair AND how to effectively engage/work with different kinds of people as my sisters and I are all different.

Tip #6: Get to know your professors, especially ones in your department of study. Don’t just know their name but, when their office hours are, a little background info about them–like what inspired them to teach what they do, where they went to school, what type of internships they did, career advice, etc. When it gets closer to graduation and you’re applying for post-college jobs or even internships earlier in your college career, you may (or MOST likely) will be required to submit letters of recommendations to said job. And who better to have write you one than someone who knows you for longer than one semester? Once you’re at the point where the majority of the classes you’re enrolled in are your major classes then you will most likely have the same professors from there on out. Utilize them. They were once students too and while it was a different time when they went to college than it is now, they can still offer valuable insight and advice on how to successfully reach your goals both academically and professionally.

Tip #6: This pertains more to Welcome Weekend, which already happened, but also can apply to any other weekend. It’s no secret Central is known as a “party school”, which, to some may seem like an elite title while others look the other way. Regardless, in my opinion, students like to let loose–whether it’s every weekend or once in awhile. And just because you let loose doesn’t mean you have to be raging all night until the sun comes up the next morning or even drink at all, but you should still remember this next tip. Watch out for your friends! I’m not sure if it’s still up, but at one of the bus stops outside of Pearce Hall there is a poster that says something to that effect–take care of each other. Not everyone is friends with everyone at CMU but, if there’s one thing I really appreciated learning my freshman year was that everyone was at least friendly/cordial with each other. You don’t have to be besties but during my experience at CMU I realized how close-knit we are and are there for each other through the good and bad. Might sound a bit cheesy but trust me, you’ll be thanking your peers later if you ever go through a rough experience. My point in saying watch out for your friends, and non-close friends (peers) in general is because that’s what CMU Chips do. Even though CMU has the “party rep” and can be seen as negatively, I know CMU can also do a lot of great, positive things. So, if you see something, say something. All of CMU chips know this motto as every new student/freshman is required to attend the “No zebras, no excuses” skit put on by SAPA every fall semester. It’s okay to have fun–by all means, I think if you’re not having even the slightest bit of fun at college then you’re doing it wrong (although, just MY opinion)–but, be safe too. Some people might think the fun they’re having now and the capturing of it via pictures/social media, etc. won’t have an effect on them later in life but trust me, it will. After all, once something is posted online is never fully goes away–even if you do “delete” it. Have fun, but be smart about it and take care of each other.

Tip #7: Put quarters in your meter. I can’t stress this enough because although you may THINK you can get away for parking at a meter for a mere 5 minutes, trust me, the parking enforcement officers will be out and you WILL get ticketed. Sometimes you get lucky and you can get away with it but in my experience during my time at CMU–they’re ALWAYS watching, ALWAYS there–somehow, someway. Just pay your meters. It will save you the hassle. Plus, if you think you can get away with ripping the ticket up and throwing it away, it won’t do you any good. The parking enforcement office will continue ticketing your account and eventually can put a hold on your CMU account until the fees are paid in full.

Tip #8: As a freshman it’s easy to go overboard buying all the CMU apparel, mugs, stickers, tattoos, etc. your heart can desire but think ahead and ask yourself how much of it you’re actually going to wear/use in the future? (Side note: Think of when you graduate and able to buy the alumni apparel/gear–that I think is way more fun. But, just my opinion.) Especially LANYARDS! Okay, just kidding, this is an exception. While I do believe it’s a “freshman” thing to wear a CMU lanyard around your neck 24/7 with your car keys/dorm keys/CMU ID on it, people continue to do it after, myself included, in which case I say: rock on. People can silently judge you all they want but in reality they’re probably doing the same thing as sophomores, juniors and seniors–you just can’t tell because it’s typically freshmen who wear the lanyard all the time. Just saying… Embrace it. Plus, a lanyard is really handy and even to THIS day, I use mine for my car keys so I can easily find and access them from my purse.

Let’s see, I can’t think of any other tips off the top of my head but, if you have any to share please feel free to in the comments section.

But, back to what I miss and will continue to miss while being a graduate of CMU…

I’ll miss seeing the colors of the leaves change as I’m walking to class each day. I’ll miss meeting with my sorority sisters for lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Down Under Food Court. I’ll miss going to my weekly CM Life, GC Mag and Yellow Ribbon meetings. (I know I used to complain a lot about my life seeming like it was just all about meetings but trust me, I miss that familiarity now.) I’ll miss going out on Thursdays with friends, being so happy and thankful I didn’t have Friday classes–because let’s face it, that doesn’t happen post-college life. Jobs are five days week! II’ll miss seeing all my friends on a regular basis, and even more if/when I ever move further away than I am now.

I will miss A LOT of things about CMU, too many for me to name, but thankfully I’ll always have the memories to look back on. For all of you new and current students at CMU enjoy your time. Make the most of it. Have fun but don’t go too overboard. Take pride in being a CMU Chippewa. I know it’s something I’ll take pride in until the day I die.

Forever a Chippewa. FIRE UP!

Until next time…

– Ana

August 18, 2014August 18, 2014

If your dreams don’t scare you then they aren’t big enough

In one week another school year will begin at my soon-to-be alma mater.

As I read the many Facebook updates, tweets and snap chat pictures, I get a feeling of nostalgia knowing I won’t be resuming classes with the rest of my friends. Classes for me ended in May and this summer I spent my time fulfilling my last collegiate requirement, an internship, before graduation.

At times I thought spring semester would never end. I’m pretty sure I was ready for it to be over even before it began. That feeling of knowing I was so close to the end I could taste it made it a challenge to stay focused and put 110% effort into my school work before getting to that point. But, as time got closer to filling out my last ever S.O.S. form and studying for my last ever final exams, I knew I was going to miss it.

I think the moment it truly hit me was when I was going through senior farewell for my sorority, Delta Phi Epsilon, on April 26. Now I know the sisterhood is a lifetime commitment and membership but not being physically there with my sisters for more school years to come on a regular basis is extremely weird, and sad. And it’s not just my sisters I’ll miss, but my non-Greek friends too–as well as my professors and CMU itself in general.

Flashback five years… Moving into my dorm freshmen year I didn’t know what to expect. But then again, did anyone really? I’m sure people had conjured up their own images of what college life would be like but for me I knew that anything I had imagined would probably be different in reality. There wasn’t anything wrong with that but I knew if I kept imagining things then I would be let down when reality set it and it wasn’t the same.

During freshmen year I had as much fun as any college student could have but, I was still missing home a lot. It was a new experience for me, for all the incoming freshmen, but I just couldn’t bear being away from my family and boyfriend at the time. Thankfully I didn’t live far so I could go home when I pleased but I can’t help but sometimes wonder what the weekends I went home would have been like had I stayed at school.

Fast forward… Through the rest of my college years to (almost) graduation. Looking back on my overall college experience I enjoyed every moment, good and bad, of it. It’s crazy how fast time flew by and how I am now on the hunt to finding my first “big girl” job.

There were honestly more times than I can count when I thought college might never end. It was during the not-so-good, super stressful times, that I couldn’t wait to leave. And while I am super eager to see what my future holds post-college, I can’t help but wonder if the people who always told me “stay in college as long as you can because as soon as you enter the real world you’ll miss it” were right. The second I got on the highway to head home on Thursday, May 8 I instantly missed my sorority sisters, my friends, professors and the campus itself. I missed everything and everyone so much I started tearing up, thinking my college experience had flashed right before my very eyes. But, as time has gone on since that cloudy, windy day, I realized I will always have the memories to cherish. And the friendships I’ve made will always be in tact as long as I’m willing to put forth the effort, which I will. It will be tough at times, especially once I find and begin my big girl job and become super busy, but, if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s… “No matter where I roam CMU will always be my home.”

I can’t forget where I come from, both my alma mater and my actual hometown. It will be tough, it will be an adjustment should I ever move away (whether it be an hour or hours), but, I know if I am serious about making my dreams come true then I have to go above and beyond my comfort zone. I have to do whatever it takes. I say this with every intention of following through, even though deep down somewhere I know I will probably run scared in the opposite direction but, it’s the thought that counts, right? I’m not a huge fan of change even though in theory it sounds great. And well, it is said it takes 21 days for something to become habitual. Who knows, maybe after a 21-day adjustment period I will become adjusted to whatever change comes my way. But I guess since nothing like that has actually happened yet, post-college life anyway, I shouldn’t worry so much. Perhaps that’s something I could work on–not worrying so much about the unknown future or about things in general.

Anyway, while I continue the process of applying for big girl jobs and hoping I am given a chance to showcase my skills and previous experience I’ll enjoy what’s left of this summer with my loved ones, friends and family, and cherish every single moment.

Until next time…

– Ana