If your dreams don’t scare you then they aren’t big enough

In one week another school year will begin at my soon-to-be alma mater.

As I read the many Facebook updates, tweets and snap chat pictures, I get a feeling of nostalgia knowing I won’t be resuming classes with the rest of my friends. Classes for me ended in May and this summer I spent my time fulfilling my last collegiate requirement, an internship, before graduation.

At times I thought spring semester would never end. I’m pretty sure I was ready for it to be over even before it began. That feeling of knowing I was so close to the end I could taste it made it a challenge to stay focused and put 110% effort into my school work before getting to that point. But, as time got closer to filling out my last ever S.O.S. form and studying for my last ever final exams, I knew I was going to miss it.

I think the moment it truly hit me was when I was going through senior farewell for my sorority, Delta Phi Epsilon, on April 26. Now I know the sisterhood is a lifetime commitment and membership but not being physically there with my sisters for more school years to come on a regular basis is extremely weird, and sad. And it’s not just my sisters I’ll miss, but my non-Greek friends too–as well as my professors and CMU itself in general.

Flashback five years… Moving into my dorm freshmen year I didn’t know what to expect. But then again, did anyone really? I’m sure people had conjured up their own images of what college life would be like but for me I knew that anything I had imagined would probably be different in reality. There wasn’t anything wrong with that but I knew if I kept imagining things then I would be let down when reality set it and it wasn’t the same.

During freshmen year I had as much fun as any college student could have but, I was still missing home a lot. It was a new experience for me, for all the incoming freshmen, but I just couldn’t bear being away from my family and boyfriend at the time. Thankfully I didn’t live far so I could go home when I pleased but I can’t help but sometimes wonder what the weekends I went home would have been like had I stayed at school.

Fast forward… Through the rest of my college years to (almost) graduation. Looking back on my overall college experience I enjoyed every moment, good and bad, of it. It’s crazy how fast time flew by and how I am now on the hunt to finding my first “big girl” job.

There were honestly more times than I can count when I thought college might never end. It was during the not-so-good, super stressful times, that I couldn’t wait to leave. And while I am super eager to see what my future holds post-college, I can’t help but wonder if the people who always told me “stay in college as long as you can because as soon as you enter the real world you’ll miss it” were right. The second I got on the highway to head home on Thursday, May 8 I instantly missed my sorority sisters, my friends, professors and the campus itself. I missed everything and everyone so much I started tearing up, thinking my college experience had flashed right before my very eyes. But, as time has gone on since that cloudy, windy day, I realized I will always have the memories to cherish. And the friendships I’ve made will always be in tact as long as I’m willing to put forth the effort, which I will. It will be tough at times, especially once I find and begin my big girl job and become super busy, but, if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s… “No matter where I roam CMU will always be my home.”

I can’t forget where I come from, both my alma mater and my actual hometown. It will be tough, it will be an adjustment should I ever move away (whether it be an hour or hours), but, I know if I am serious about making my dreams come true then I have to go above and beyond my comfort zone. I have to do whatever it takes. I say this with every intention of following through, even though deep down somewhere I know I will probably run scared in the opposite direction but, it’s the thought that counts, right? I’m not a huge fan of change even though in theory it sounds great. And well, it is said it takes 21 days for something to become habitual. Who knows, maybe after a 21-day adjustment period I will become adjusted to whatever change comes my way. But I guess since nothing like that has actually happened yet, post-college life anyway, I shouldn’t worry so much. Perhaps that’s something I could work on–not worrying so much about the unknown future or about things in general.

Anyway, while I continue the process of applying for big girl jobs and hoping I am given a chance to showcase my skills and previous experience I’ll enjoy what’s left of this summer with my loved ones, friends and family, and cherish every single moment.

Until next time…

– Ana

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Elan Mudrow


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