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Another year, lots of new dreams…

So we’re in the second month of the year, I know. I also know I am really bad at keeping up with this but, it is what it is.

Anyway… Since the last time I posted, a lot of things have gone down.

Good things, of course.

The biggest thing to happen was… I accepted a job offer and moved back to Michigan.

Let me tell you, that was one of the most difficult yet happy decisions I’ve ever made. While I was sad to say my “see you later’s” (*I don’t believe in “goodbyes”) to my coworkers in Marion, I was beyond the moon happy to be moving back to Michigan–to be closer to my family, my friends. Being back in the state I am and will forever be proud to call my home.

I’m a Michigander at heart. No, I wasn’t born here but I was raised here and I for one, think it’s a pretty damn cool state. Except the winter. I could do without the harsh winters–especially being a working adult now and still having to go in no matter what. (*I so miss snow days as a student) The job isn’t in the city I grew up in but it’s muuuuch closer than Marion was so, I took it.

Now I’ve only been at this job a few weeks, well, now almost a full month, and living in my apartment for not even a full week (it’ll be a full week tomorrow) and let tell you, I love it. I had support from everyone moving back, although there were a few “Owosso, really? Mmmmk.” But, of course I didn’t let that discourage me from accepting the job offer and making the move to live here too.

The first couple of weeks I commuted from my parents’ house, which wasn’t the worst, but, it definitely wasn’t the best, either. Having to leave my house at 7 a.m. to get to work by 8 a.m. was less than ideal when I had to wake up around 5-5:30 a.m. to get ready. Thankfully, though, there were only like two major slippery/snowy days commuting and by taking my sweet time on the road, I made it in one piece.

Just a side note, I haaate driving in the winter. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. It gives me the worst anxiety and I am totally that person going 50 on the highway. I know, it’s just as dangerous to go slow on the highway as it is to speed but, it’s my life and the lives of others we’re talking about. And I know, we’re all just trying to get to work or to drop off our kids at daycare before work but, trust me, being a minute or two late given shitty weather conditions I think will have people empathize with you.

Anyway…

So like I said, it’s only been a few weeks but I seriously love it here. I love the job itself, my coworkers and town. Sure, it’s a small town, not much unlike Marion was but, there’s actually businesses still thriving here and a variety of businesses to pick from, whether it’s restaurants, grocery stores or fast food joints. Plus, my apartment I am even more in love with. I knew the moment I saw pictures online that I just had to see the units in person. And boy, am I glad I did. And I’m even more glad and thankful that a family friend made me aware of this apartment complex. I love it because it’s a loft style unit–a studio–and even though it’s a studio it has a partial wall so I have somewhat of a sense of privacy. It’s also a very secure building, which was huge for both my parents and me as I do live alone. The only downside is not being on the top floor because anything below you can hear people walking above. But, all in all the unit itself and the updated look to it is enough to overlook the poorly built floors and ceilings.

Of course while I do enjoy it here so much, I still miss my coworkers in Indiana. Thankfully we still talk often and Indiana really isn’t that far away but, I definitely miss our Snapchats pictures and group texts to each other when we’re sitting across from each other in the newsroom. 😉 On the bright side though, my co-worker did tell me I am still invited to her wedding this summer. YAY! (I love weddings! LOL!)

In other news… Since I last blogged in OCTOBER…

Cheeto Man/Toddler… Oh I’m sorry, I mean PRESIDENT Donald Trump was elected as our 45th President of the United States. What crazy news that was! I remember sitting with my coworkers at my apartment after leaving the office late and staying up as late as we could to find out who would win the election.

We would later find out, to my extreme disappointment, that he had in fact won. 😦 I know, people kept and still keep saying to “give him a chance” but man, he acts like a freakin’ toddler every time something doesn’t go his way. YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT! START ACTING LIKE IT!!!!

Anyway, enough about him.

I’m just going to pretend like I live in some sort of alternate universe until four years from now.

In the mean time, I am trying really hard to get back on the diet and exercise plan. Ever since my best friend’s wedding last August I fell as much off the bandwagon as I could. Like, to the point where I am embarrassed for myself. No one has said anything to me about it, which is great but, at the end of the day your self-esteem and your own thoughts of yourself are what matter most.

I remember in 2015 doing so well with diet and exercise and having lost 15 pounds. It wasn’t my goal weight but, 15 pounds, even 5 pounds, is a major accomplishment in my books. Of course, people, my loved ones, would never tell me I need to lose weight, but thankfully they’re there to offer support for when I tell them I want to lose weight.

It’s just hard though. I don’t know why I think or make it hard. I just love food too much and part my issue, too, whether it’s actually stress-related or not, is I tend to overeat, which, if I am not exercising is going to translate to putting on weight more quickly than if I didn’t overeat nor exercise.

Part of the reason I ended up getting discouraged, though, was because after awhile I started to get such bad shin splints that is discouraged me from working out. All I could think about was the pain and it turned me off from wanting to go to the gym. So then there went my days of actually kind of looking forward to and actually working out to being a couch potato hiding in my room watching TV. Which, unfortunately I still do, but, I am hoping I can work my motivation up enough to start working out again, in addition to eating healthier. But of course, that’s much easier said than done.

Well, that’s all the updates I have for you guys now so —

Until next time…

XO,

Ana

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Review: What Was Mine [novel] + other random thoughts

what-was-mine-9781476732350_hrEarlier this week I finally began a book I had bought about a month ago at Target that was marked 20% off. At first when I read the summary on the back of the book it sounded right up my alley, until I did a double take and realized it was probably better suited or relateable  for someone who has kids. But, I gave it some more thought and ended up buying it anyway.

I had the day off today so I decided I would do my best to finish the book since it was much shorter than the last one I had just finished on Sunday. Well, I did finish it today and I definitely have some mixed thoughts about how I feel about the overall book, and have strong feelings about how it ended.

The book is about a woman who kidnaps a four month old baby from Ikea whose mom walks away briefly for a work phone call, and ends up raising the baby as her own. She makes the decision to kidnap her after having tried for years to have a baby of her own, even suffering a miscarriage, as well as trying adoption. And then on top of all of that she and her husband separate.

The chapters alternate from the different viewpoints of the characters in the book. The woman’s name who stole the baby is Lucy. The biological mom’s name is Marilyn and her daughter’s real, legal name was Natalie, but, Lucy changes it to Mia. There are other characters who narrate the book, too, such as Mia’s nanny Wendy, Wendy’s husband, and child, Lucy’s ex-husband, and Marilyn’s husband, and children.

Overall, the book was written in a way that for the most part kept my attention and wanting to find out if and when Lucy would be caught for having kidnapped a baby and raised her as her own for 21 years. But, as I read on and it got to the part where *SPOILER ALERT* Mia finds out Lucy’s secret and she then questions her identity, it made me feel… indifferent. She acknowledges that Lucy is the mom she’s known her whole life but, after finding out she isn’t her “real” mom she feels a sense of betrayal and feels as though she no longer has a mom to turn to–neither Lucy or the mom her gave birth to her.

Here is why I feel indifferent. I understand the feelings of Mia, as it is definitely understandable and she has every right to feel the way she does. Now I know she is a fictional character and it’s a fictional story–but–situations like hers have very much happened in real life before and the way she feels, people in real life have and can definitely feel too although maybe not necessarily in the same manner.

For example… And I am not referring to myself in this scenario, but, for other people out there who have been adopted, or raised by someone other than their biological parents from when they were less than a year old (and therefore the people who raised them are all they know) they may have felt similar feelings that the character Mia did.

My problem is, however, that the character of Mia completely writes off Lucy when she finds out the truth. I get it, and like I said above she has every right to be angry at the news itself, but, to never want to be able to forgive her mom (although *SPOILER ALERT* she ends up doing so) and resenting her for lying to her all those years, she fails to recognize that while her “adoption” by Lucy wasn’t legal, she fails to recognize that she still was able to grow up in just as loving of a home had she not been kidnapped. She just assumes she now has no one to love her and lost her identity as soon as she found out she wasn’t who she thought she was.

Okay, so now I’m starting to not be able to make sense of the thoughts I had in my head before sitting down to write this but, what I am trying to say, is that this character was so willingly and able to disown her “mom” Lucy and go off and live with her biological mom, Marilyn, across the country, and a woman whom was essentially a stranger to her. I obviously don’t believe in kidnapping babies–whether fictional or real life, lol–but, Mia fails to realize that while what Lucy did was against the law, and bad in the eyes not just of the law but morals of the people around her, she kidnapped her to take care of and raise her–not to harm her. As I read on in the book I realized Marilyn was not a bad mom overall, she just made a human mistake of walking a little too far away to take a phone call, but, again, it’s fiction so.

I just felt that while Mia had every right to be angry and upset and feel like her identity was gone, it shouldn’t have been presented that way. Being a(n) (real) adoptee myself, I can’t imagine myself, should I ever be in that situation if I were to ever find/know my biological parents, that I would feel like my identity of the woman I today was gone. I was raised by my mom and dad since they adopted me when I was four months old.

Whoa, sidenote, I just realized I was the same age as the fictional character in the book. Anyway…

I don’t know a life any different, and while I wouldn’t be opposed to meeting or knowing more about them sometime down the road, it’s not something I’ll be sad and angry if I don’t. My identity and say, my culture and its history, is different than and not tied to who gave birth to me. I am in no way lessening the important role birth parents play in adoptions but, this book just seemed to me, to have it backwards. I tie my identity to how and who I was raised by and with. I tie it to my own likes I acquired on my own growing up. I of course tie it to my Guatemalan roots as well, as that is a part of me, but, it’s not all of me. I was raised in America.

Which brings me to a completely different point and in no way related to my loose review of the book…

I shake my head and literally have no words when more often than not in recent time have I been approached asking in some form, where am I from?

When people ask me, Where are you from? I respond: Michigan.

This answer, for the most part, satisfies people but, then you get the occasional, and seemingly more now lately, people who look baffled and question me even more. Take for example, my Uber encounter last weekend when I was back home.

I get in the car and the driver starts making conversation with me and he asks where I’m from. I tell him from the area and to his dismay, he presses on, and asks if I am Mexican.

Number of times in the last month I’ve been asked some variation of that question (or, if I speak Spanish, which I do not): A HANDFUL. 

I took a deep breath, trying not to lose my shit after wanting a simple, no big deal, and QUIET ride home from the bar, and respond, “no”.

Of course, he looks dissatisfied and questions me asking where am I really from, as if somehow, for some reason, I am lying. Then to satisfy him and shut up him, even though it clearly shouldn’t matter nor should it be any of his damn business, I tell him where I was born.

As you’re reading this you may be wondering why I would get so worked up and annoyed by such a simple question. Here is why…

The Uber driver, like others I have encountered over the last month, are making an assumption about me based on how I look. I clearly do not look Caucasian, I get that, I do. But, you know how many people I myself come across who clearly aren’t Caucasian and don’t assume or ask about where they’re from as a way to pry and be nosy, instead of the usual small talk like when I say to people in Indiana, “Oh I just moved here.” To which they reply, “Oh, where did you move from?” To which I answer, “Michigan”, and alas that’s the end of it.

But other times, such as during this Uber ride, he didn’t ask me to make small talk. Or, perhaps he did, as it was a ride home from a stranger but, to me, it doesn’t seem appropriate for small talk. It’s just like when people automatically start speaking to me in Spanish or ask me if I speak Spanish and when I say no they look all confused.

I get annoyed by that because I don’t look at people who aren’t of the majority race and ask if they speak what I speculate could be their native language, or even just their race. It’s not how I was raised and I just don’t see it as polite. It’s other people making an assumption based on how I look. And I am no in way saying that being Mexican or any other nationality or race myself would be a bad thing, it’s just not who I am and I don’t appreciate that people are so quick to assume things about another.

But that’s enough about that.

Just something I thought I would touch on going along with my brief review of the book I read.

That’s all for now. It’s #TGIT so that means it’s almost, kind of, time for my TV shows to come on.

Until next time…

XO,

Ana

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Thoughts of the day Thursday

So I decided I would try something a little different with this blog post today and do a list of my miscellaneous thoughts I have while going about my day. Could be interesting… I think. LOL!

 

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As of 11 a.m. Thursday, these are the thoughts I’ve had since waking up.

  1. Why in the hell is my volume ALL THE WAY UP on my phone when my alarm is set? Obviously forgot to turn it down last night–must have been too distracted pondering why and how the hell Jordan won Big Brother.
  2. Why do I have to be up before the sun is up? My mind still thinks it’s night time and therefore should still be in bed. But no, I am not in bed. I get up groggily being pissed I haven’t had my morning cup of coffee yet.
  3. Why is it going to be so damn hot outside today and the rest of this week AND for the next few weeks? Today marks the first day of fall but, must be April Fool’s Day because the temperatures outside DO NOT reflect the season. Then I wonder what to wear because 99.9 percent of the time the office is freezing like Antarctica but then I step outside and “bam! It’s a heatwave.” I choose to be sweating outside rather than freezing on the inside so I leave my apartment dressed in a long-sleeved black wool sweater and blue jeans and over-the-knee boots. LOL. Thank God I only had one interview scheduled for OUTSIDE of the office. I win! Although *side note*, the office isn’t even cold today so… that’s awkward. LOL.
  4. What do I want for breakfast today? Keep telling myself I need to and am going to diet but then what happens? I sabotage my own plan and eat fast food, etc. I think to myself that this morning I might as well eat the food I bought from the grocery store earlier this week so it doesn’t go bad–without regard for proper food portion since I already sabotaged my diet for the week, right?
  5. Prepares said breakfast food, which is a bagel–turn up the dial just a little bit higher than than the other day since the bagel did not toast. What happens today? The toast literally starts smoking and stinks up my entire kitchen. Does not eat bagel for breakfast, running out of time. Have to drive 45 minutes to Huntington today. Aint nobody got time for this. LOL.
  6. Why do I always get stuck behind slow cars? ALWAYS! I AM going the speed limit, and I would appreciate it if you did the same, or simply pulled over while I pass you, jerk.
  7. Why is that semis here in Indiana don’t seem to know that if you’re going to get in the left lane then you need to speed up just a hair and actually pass the semi that was previously in front of you. Michigan semi drivers know this, why don’t you? I have places to be, people!
  8. Once off the highway, I get stuck behind slow people yet again, this time behind a school bus and pick up truck. Cooooome on, people! I am literally so close to work I can smell it! LOL. But that’s okay, don’t think I don’t have anywhere important to be. Time apparently isn’t of the essence to some people.
  9. While doing an interview…  I really need to work on my eye contact vs. looking away ratio. I’ve realized I’ve gotten really bad at staring people down and not knowing how, when or where to look away and then I just come across as even more awkward as I am. HALP!
  10. I am so beyond excited this office got new computers AND a coffee maker, even if I am only helping here temporarily. It makes me really want to bring my extra Keurig from home to our newsroom. Think I will put that on my list of things to bring back here with me next weekend when I visit home. Also, great job and shout out to Tina for doing a deep cleaning of the newsroom and buying wallflower plug ins because the place smells and looks AMAZING!

Okay, those are all my thoughts for now. I’ll update this later after work because I’m bound to have countless more miscellaneous thoughts throughout the day. And as I’ve been told, even if only by one person (LOL), that my snap chat videos of my thoughts are funny so I am hoping these thoughts in print are just as funny, too.

*UPDATE: 7:04 p.m.*

1. Currently (trying to) enjoy(ing) dinner before I head home from work… wondering why this restaurant doesn’t have a “please wait to be seated” sign or anything out and then making me look like a fool for just standing there awkwardly waiting for someone to acknowledge me.

2.  Wondering why restaurants don’t make special sections with small tables for people who choose to dine alone.

3. Wondering why I am surrounded by families with kids and ALL the kids are annoying. Little boy, sit down. Eat your food and just be calm.

4. I am WELL AWARE I am Hispanic and that you assume I speak Spanish based on how I look but I don’t and you will, or SHOULD know after I talk to you IN ENGLISH, that I in fact do not speak Spanish. So why you insist to ask me IN SPANISH if I SPEAK SPANISH is counterproductive.

5. Like can’t a girl just walk into a Mexican restaurant and NOT be gawked at or it be assumed I speak Spanish. Please?

6. Family beside me is still super annoying and wondering how they haven’t left yet. Why are your kids so fidgety?

7. Just serves as another reminder as to why I don’t want kids.

8. Thought about getting a drink but seeing as I have to drive 45 minutes I passed but will be having one as soon as I get home. 

9. I had so many Kermit the Frog moments today, hence the needed drink. I just don’t get some people but, to each their own. I have bigger fish to fry so better luck next time.

10. Family beside me is FINALLY leaving. Slowly, but surely. 👏🏽

That’s all for now.

Until next time…

XO,

Ana

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I want to be your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye…

Call me crazy but, I love love love.

I’ve been in love before, and I hope, pray and know I’ll fall in love again. But, when?

Here I am X amount of years after a relationship wondering when and where, not if, I’ll meet my Mr. Right a.k.a. Prince Charming.

You’re probably wondering why I’m even rambling about this on a Monday night at 11 o clock. LOL! Just thinking about my weekend encounter when I tried to TALK to another human being of the opposite sex. 😂 LMAO! But more about that later on in this post…

Okay, so maybe I sound like some young, naive girl who still believes in “fairytales”. But that’s just it–I don’t still believe in fairytales. I just have and always will. Quite frankly, I don’t see what’s wrong with that?

Moving to a new state a few months ago I thought the dating scene might improve, meaning I’d have more selection and variety or, that I would just be more willing and able to give chances to people, without regard to where I meet them (online or in person). I come across men when I’m out at the bars back home and come across men all the time when I’m out in the field working; although the latter isn’t the appropriate time or place to meet eligible bachelor men. Lol. Anyway…

But, while meeting a cute guy at the bar and trying my best not to be awkward, I can’t help but think it’s his loss if he thinks in the end my awkwardness is too weird/a turn off anyway. Hell, maybe he is just interested in a hook-up, which, sure, on one hand doesn’t sound all that bad if I was still in college and in general, younger, but, at 26 I’m just no longer into it. Or maybe I just need to brush on my skills on how to flirt and not be awkward. LOL! HALP!

But look, I am a real adult now. Or you know, am for the most part. 😂 I live in a completely different town and state than where I grew up my whole life. I have a cute little two bedroom apartment that feels like home (to the best of my ability), and, am finally doing what I’ve always wanted to do–be a reporter. Thankfully I’m in love with my job but, I don’t want that to be my whole life.

Like I said above, and I’ve said before: I love love. I am fortunate to have experienced it once before, despite it not working out in the end, because I am a firm believer, and I think probably was before experiencing it myself–it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I don’t know whether it’s based solely on personal experience or from me watching fairytale movies whether they’re Disney or adult rom-coms, but, I definitely do believe love exists and believe I, too, am meant to fall in love again, at least (hopefully) once more.

Before I fell in love for my first time when I was 17 I thought people could only fall in love once. And I think a part of me thought that because I thought my (then) boyfriend and I would get that “happily-ever-after” I had always dreamed of. But when we broke up, and at that (still somewhat young) age, I wasn’t able yet to recognize that everything happens for a reason. Yes, it broke my heart and I was devastated, and didn’t think I would be able to love again or move on at the time–but, as time went on and I got older, I realized not just my life but, any person in general who has had their heart broken, has so much more to gain and learn about themselves and life in general in the “healing” and “moving on” process.

I didn’t see it at first at the time as I truly thought my world and life as I knew it was over but, I am thankful and grateful for having been able to love and experienced my own heartbreak for I would not be the woman I am today–the woman I was meant to be–without having experienced it.

But, flash forward to now–here I am at 26 years old, more than ready to fall in love again. I hope to not experience heartbreak again but should life have it happen that way then I accept it. Plus, I know heartbreak can come in forms beyond just love, and thankfully based on my past experience I can now accept it better should it happen again.

But at my age and my status in life–living and working in a completely new area–where is one to find a nice, single, decent guy?

I’m sure some people reading this think I’m being too picky. And sure, maybe I am. But, I believe so deeply and passionately about love, that I want to date, hell–hopefully marry–someone who feels just the same. Love is much too precious to me to be thrown around so casually. I don’t despise people who throw the word around loosely but, I personally wouldn’t throw it around loosely at my age and in this day. Because like I said, I was able to experience love firsthand myself at once before. And the age I was doesn’t affect my feelings and belief towards it. Some people may shake their head in disbelief that I could feel such a way at 17 but, as someone whose own parents are high school sweethearts and got married when they were that age, I think it’s perfectly fine and acceptable for me to feel and think the way I do.

And while I haven’t yet found that special someone, that doesn’t go to say I haven’t tried. Like I mentioned above, I’ve tried “meeting” people out at the bar–I.e. Us both tips-ily (if that was a real word, lol) flirting or simply talking with one another but, it didn’t extend beyond a casual exchange of numbers and one polite follow up text the next day.

And then of course there’s the whole world of online dating. Where do I begin with that? I am a supporter of online dating and definitely don’t see anything weird, or “abnormal” about it like some others may view it as. But, to be honest, I think my in-person awkwardness translates to the online world, too, lol. Again, some may say I’m being too picky but, I can’t imagine not setting the bar high enough and ending up with a “Barney”. (See: Clueless) I for one value education dearly, and while I understand and accept some people go on to live fantastic, perfectly great lives without a college degree, etc. I want someone who can atleast appreciate the effort of trying. If there’s another thing I learned in life it’s that nothing worth having comes easy. I am thankful to have parents who showed me that hard work will allow you to be successful and provide an opportunity for growth. I am proud of myself, and for both my parents and my entire family, for always being my cheerleaders along the way, pushing my to finish college strong, or any goal for that matter, regardless of how long it took–like to graduate. (I took an extra 5th year but, I finished)

I want to date someone who has that same motivation and determination I did and do, whether or not there’s a group of cheerleaders behind him. But of course, I do hope he does have a great support system, because that’s just as important to me.

You see, I am close with my family. I love my family and truly can’t imagine calling any other group of people my family. I am blessed and fortunate enough to be the youngest of six kids and have several nieces, nephews, great-nieces, etc. And that’s another huge thing for me when looking for Mr. Right, a.k.a. my Prince Charming–they have to value family as much as me. The truth is, if you don’t have family at the end of the day, who else can you lean and rely on?

I could go on and on about the qualities I look for in a guy. Sure, like I said, some people may say I’m too picky or this, this or that, but, at the end of the day I am happy with my life, working my dream job, and experiencing this new town and city. Obviously I would love to find a companion to share in this crazy adventure with me but, until then I’ll enjoy the ride solo.

So until next time…

XO,

Ana

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Change is inevitable, progress is optional…

So, it’s been a minute since I’ve last blogged.

Okay, so it’s been two months but, I’ve busy with work, a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, my 26th birthday, patiently (okay, not so patiently waiting) for the arrival of my nephew, etc. etc.

Alright, so maybe I haven’t been that busy to where I couldn’t blog but let me tell you, sleep is my number two priority after work. LOL. When I am not working or busy with other commitments you can guarantee I am sleeping or watching ridiculous Lifetime Movie Network movies.

Anyway… Moving along.

So today actually marks the two month anniversary of when I moved into my apartment and then on Saturday it will have been two months since I started my first day at C-T. (That’s The Chronicle-Tribune for those of you who don’t know the abbreviation, lol, because I don’t feel like repeatedly typing it out)

Work has been a learning process–fun, cool, exciting. I still consider myself a rookie because coming in I felt a bit rusty. I had just finished up my internship at HOMTV and yes, I obviously studied journalism and got my degree in it and had my intern at WLNS, etc., but, being back in a print-focused atmosphere was something I was struggling to get a hold of again. Thankfully my co-workers and boss are awesome and have been helping me out along the way. I mean yeah I still have more to learn, and always will, I believe with any job it’s like that, and thankfully I’ve had great mentors along the way.

Of course, while I’m learning a lot and still getting to know the town of Marion, I wouldn’t be being completely honest if I said I didn’t have some challenges along the way. Like for example, after the Fourth of July holiday weekend when I was leaving my cottage to come back I got upset, and quite honestly, it was hard to say my “see you later’s” to my family. My mom saw it firsthand, and as any good mom, she told me everything would be okay. And deep down I knew it would be, but, at that exact moment I didn’t want to leave after having spent an incredible weekend with my whole immediate family, plus my uncle Steve.

Fast forward to this past weekend, and same thing happened. I know, it sounds pathetic, especially being 26-years-old–an adult–living on her own but, it did happen again and, I have no doubt it will happen again until I become more familiar with Marion and meeting friends and having people to hang out with instead of just constantly being by myself in my apartment when I get home from work. Anyway, this time it happened not while I was leaving from home in Michigan to my home here, but rather, leaving Nashville and coming back home to Indiana but wanting to make it all the way back to Michigan for just the night so I could finally meet my nephew Stone.

So Stone was born on Wednesday, July 27, 2016. My sister-in-law, Jamie, went to the hospital early Tuesday morning (like the middle of the night), and my mom called me at 6:30 a.m. to tell me she had so. Of course that was the morning I was scheduled to drive down to Nashville to stay with my old college roommate and friend, Kayla, and see my cousin’s new house and then spend the rest of the weekend celebrating the bride-to-be, Alison, and I was put in a tough spot. Part of me was dying to go home instead so I could be there when he was actually born but, the other part of me wanted to stick to my plan and go on to Nashville because I thought it would be rude if I didn’t. Plus, what ultimately made me choose Nashville over the birth of Stone was that I knew I wouldn’t get to celebrate Alison and her bachelorette party again, but, that Stone would and will always be there when I visit home next. It was still a tough decision for me and as soon as he was actually born and my mom sent me pictures I felt like I was immediately starting to regret making the trip down south. He was more beautiful and perfect than I could have ever imagined. Words couldn’t describe the feelings I had when I saw him (in picture form) for the first time. But, let’s just say I was at out shopping at the mall at the time and definitely started tearing up, in the baby clothes department, looking all kinds of pathetic. LOL.

Fast forward to Tuesday, two days ago, and when I found out I would get to leave early from work I knew I had to make the 2.5 hour drive home to see my nephew. Sure, I will be going home again tomorrow but, I seriously just couldn’t take it any longer. I drove home as fast as I could and when I got to my brother and sister-in-law’s house, I RAN to the front door. (And for those who know me, you know I don’t run for anything–I HATE running, lmao.) I open the door and see Jamie feeding Stone, and I am even more shocked and taken away at how precious, beautiful and perfect he really is. I called Jamie as I was leaving town to tell her I was coming home and wanted to see him and also warned her I would probably cry when I saw him. Thankfully I was able to hold my tears back but I kid you not, every time I look at a picture of him, and even yesterday when I was out shopping for groceries at Meijer but then “somehow” ended up in the baby boy clothes section, I started tearing up. LOL.

I’m sure some of you are probably wondering why I am so emotional over Stone and maybe even some of my family members are thinking back to when their babies were born and how I didn’t act like this. It’s not that I love any of my other nieces and nephews any less or anything like that–I will tell you now that being an aunt is my greatest “gig” yet and I’ve been lucky enough to be one since I was 2.5 years old. But with Stone, it is different. And I will tell you why…

My older brother Adam, is someone, who despite us literally fighting sometimes or him just being a natural big brother and picking on me from time to time in general, is someone I appreciate and look up to. I look up to all of my siblings, yes, and I love them all the same. But, for those of you who know Adam–you know he is, how do I put it? A bit “rough around the edges”, if you will. He’s not perfect by any means but, who is? No one. When he was growing up he wasn’t a horrible teenager but, he wasn’t an angel either. (Love you, Adam) And so of course when he and Jamie told the family at Christmas last year that they were expecting I lost it. Mind you, I had a few glasses of wine in me, lol, but, even to present day, I get emotional thinking about him as a dad. I guess to be honest there were some days, some moments where I thought, “Adam as a dad? Yeah right, not any time soon–more like not for a long time.” And, I think part of me thought this because I had always known him to be the one who likes to have fun, doing whatever it may be. But, after the news broke and time went on, I knew he and Jamie were going to be forced to “grow up” (not saying that they were careless/reckless or anything like that) or rather, “upgrade” to parent status. It was weird to think about, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t have doubts but, at the end of the day, I knew they would make great parents. Like any parents, I imagine (I can’t speak 100% because I myself am not a parent yet), they will make mistakes and deal with Stone acting out as he grows up and gets older but, that’s normal for any family with kids. Seeing Adam transition from the “having fun” guy to dad, is something that’s very sentimental to me. (If that’s the right word to use??) Not that I am not proud of Jamie, or my other siblings with kids, but, this is my big brother, Adam, we’re talking about. It’s just something that’s hard to explain without it coming out wrong so if you’re reading this and taking it the wrong way, I am sorry. It just is something different with Adam being a dad. Even just typing this is making me emotional.

At the end of the day, I love all of my nieces and nephews the same. I hate that they grow up so fast, though, which, is also part of the reason I think I am so obsessed and in love with Stone. That, and we haven’t had a baby boy since… Calvin, I believe, and he’ll be 10 (?) this year. REALLY?! It’s just crazy how fast time goes by and how quickly each one of them grows up. Even Annabelle, who will be 3-years-old in December (OMG, that just hit me… THREE?!), has grown up so fast right before my very eyes. And that’s not to say my nieces and nephews aren’t as fun when they grow up, but, their priorities shift as they get older just like mine did. My niece Madi has two daughters, is engaged… My nephew Drew is in college, has a job… My nephew Zach is a SENIOR in high school and will graduate next year… My niece, Gabi, will be fourteen, WHAT?!… My nephew Max will be THIRTEEN (I think, right? See, I myself am getting too old to remember everyone’s age, LOL) in December AND he now has his own cell phone. I texted him a couple times so far and one time when I texted him asking him if he was watching Big Brother he said “no” and then didn’t really say much to me after that so he must have been too tired to text me too 😦 LOL… My niece Amelia and nephew Calvin will both be 10 in November… My nieces Raelynn and Gigi will both start Kindergarten in the fall… And like I said earlier, Annabelle will be THREE in December. And then my niece, Ashlyn, and her girlfriend are both working and have a place of their own and then my nephew, Corey, and his fiancee have their own place too with their two kids and pets. I mean, they’re all grown up! This is partly why I freaked when I wasn’t there when Stone was born because I there for just about every other birth of my nieces and nephews and to not be able to be there for Stone tore me apart. Even now, living away, it’s hard because I know I don’t get to see him all the time like I did growing up with my other nieces and nephews.

I have to remind myself though that I don’t live that far and can always come home on a weekend if I don’t work, but, living away in general is still taking getting used to. My mom and dad assure me it will be fine, and I know deep down they’re right. It’s just going to take time.

Hopefully soon I will meet people to hang out with and stuff, but, even if not, it’s a part of the growing up process–just like my mom told me. I am an adult now and she said herself, I can do it. I’m thankful to have the best parents in the world who refuse to let me give up when times get tough. They believe in me enough to know that I can work past whatever it is that is thrown my way. So mom, dad–thank you both. Thank you to all of my family for giving me that push I needed to make the move to work my dream job and do what I love most.

I know there will always be challenges here and there in the future, in whatever aspect/stage of life, but, they’re always there behind me.

Until next time…

XO,

Ana

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Dreams don’t work unless you do…

Well, I did it.

I not only accepted a job offer that would allow me to do what I love most and have always wanted to do–write and be a reporter–but, I also moved–OUT of state. What? Can you even believe it?

I still can’t.

I’m sitting here on a Friday night, having successfully completed my first week as a reporter for The Chronicle-Tribune. I tell ya, every time I walk towards my building and see the name on the building (AND see my byline in print) I get all tingly inside.

I know, it sounds a tad lame, but, after almost nearly two years of applying to journalism job after journalism job, I was beginning to think I might never get to work in my field. I thought, maybe I would be like most other college graduates where they earned a degree in something specific, but, then did something completely non-related–and not by choice.

After I had my in person interview I gave it a lot of thought and wondered if I could and actually would move away from home. Sure, I lived away for college, but, it was in the SAME state and only ONE hour away. My new home now is just under three, which is actually not quite as far is my cottage is up north, which is nice. But, I remember doing the Disney College Program three years ago and feeling happy on one hand I was working at the happiest place on Earth, but, then having the other part of me feeling like a part of me was missing because I was so far away from my family. And I mean yeah, I knew it wouldn’t be for forever–the program was only a semester long but, to me, it felt like it was going to be forever until I saw them again.

Flash forward three years later, to now, and here I am at just two weeks away from turning 26-years-old, living on my own, and working my dream career as a reporter. I smiled as I typed that because it just still seems surreal. While I am not 100% unpacked and therefore don’t feel 100% absolute settled in, I’ve been doing my best to adjust my life accordingly at my new apartment, my job and the town of Marion in general. And yes, I miss my family and friends like crazy but, honestly, I keep so busy that sometimes I just simply don’t have time to miss them. (Of course I don’t mean that as a bad thing. I always miss them in the back of my mind.)

Let me give you my opinion on the town of Marion…

It’s definitely different than back home. But, like any town across the U.S., it has both good parts and bad parts to it. The good/nice part about it is that it is trying to rebuild itself; it has the huge General Motors factory; and, it has some of the nicest people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. Sure, I’ve also had some “different” encounters, but, it’s what makes this new chapter of my life so interesting. And then there’s the bad–there’s some areas that are really run down, there’s a big heroin and pseudophedrine problem here. But, like I said, this town has good and bad just like any other.

Now, as for my job, even though it’s only been one full week of working at it, I really do enjoy it so far. My boss is awesome, as is my other boss, and my co-workers have been nothing but extremely helpful. It’s definitely a fast-paced job–probably more so than I was actually expecting, but, my boss cares about all of us employees and he even checked in with me today to make sure I was doing alright. Speaking of… I had a story due today for an upcoming Rubber Duck Race and, by accident, I deleted the interview from my phone through voice memos, and, sadly, in this day and age of iPhones, it couldn’t be retrieved. Now of course I did what any good reporter would do and I also wrote information down in my reporter’s notebook, as well as immediately told my boss what happened. He was understanding, and told me to write the article to the best of my ability. I told him I would get right on it, although, a small part of me on the inside was panicking, not thinking I would be able to pull it off. But, I did. And while it was aggravating for me to make a mistake like that so soon in the game, I was proud of myself for overcoming it.

Other than that flub, today and this week in general has been interesting. I say interesting because I can’t really think of a better way to describe it. I don’t mean it to be a bad thing but, the stories I’ve gotten to write have been unique. My first story assignments were about GM celebrating its 60th anniversary today at its Marion plant and the other was about the first performance for the Concert in the Park series. That was really cool because of all the people it brought to it, and the cute elderly couple I had the pleasure of interviewing and talking to. Another story I did was the goat show yesterday evening. Now that one I will tell you, I was super nervous about because I didn’t know anything about goats, let alone a goat show. But, I somehow pulled it off and I think it was a good piece. Which reminds me… A man who participated in the show wanted me to e-mail him a copy. I’ll do that later.

And then of course there was my story today. At the local county jail 34 men and women were baptized. Going into it I had my own personal thoughts about it, but, as a reporter it’s my job to be objective. So I went and interviewed a young woman who had tears in her eyes as she told me about how growing up she had a hard life and wanted to really turn her life around and how she thought getting baptized was a step in the right direction. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like to be in her shoes or any of the other inmates in there. But, deep down, I did hope that their baptisms really do lead them in the right direction. As did the sheriff there–you could tell by the way he interacted with the men and women that he really does care for them, and, he even told me he has high hopes of these individuals turning their lives around.

So as you can see, this week has been a whirlwind. I’m exhausted, and like I said, I’m still not fully unpacked, and, as I was working on unpacking some more before writing this post, I realized I have TOO. MUCH. DAMN. STUFF. Well, okay, so I blamed the small closet and cabinet space and lack of dresser but then I snapped myself back to reality and realized it’s just because I have too much stuff. If you look under my bathroom sink and see all of my Bath and Body Works body washes and hand soaps you would think I was a hoarder, which, maybe I am just a tad. 😉

But anyway… Fun/random fact… My dad was kind enough to buy me a hammer and nails so I could actually be an adult and hang the rest of the stuff he and my grandpa didn’t get to last weekend. LOL. So far I’ve hung TWO things. Woo! Making progress. HAHA!

Other fun facts…

  • I asked my friend Dennis who is originally from Indiana if they return bottles here and he said no, and said if I ask anyone that that they will call me a communist. LOL!
  • I’ve had three people ask me what church I go to–and have one man go out of his way to get me to join his. I appreciated all gestures.
  • The bar I went to last weekend that remind’s me of the Crystal Bar has SALOON doors as their bathroom stalls in the women’s bathroom. I died laughing.
  • Everyone here is SUPER nice–at least, the people I’ve met so far
  • My landlord said I had a neighbor that she thought was a doctor, however, I have seen no sign of ANYONE in the apartment as a piece of paper has been in the door ALL week and it’s been nothing but silence — ALSO, there’s been this car in the SAME spot ALL week as well, with clothes in it, and so no joke, I’m wondering if the person got kidnapped or…. Well…. Something…
  • My one neighbor’s dog downstairs barks at really obnoxious times–like almost every time I am walking up the stairs coming home from work and DOESN’T STOP barking
  • My other neighbor and her two sons are SUPER nice. Her one son was kind enough to help my parents, grandparents and me move stuff into my apartment last weekend
  • I almost hit a cat on my way to work yesterday. I know, awful. I kept thinking that if I had hit it I most certainly would have thrown up. Crisis averted.
  • On my way home from work the other night, a dog ran out in front of me and it made me sad that no one was even remotely close around looking for it 😦 I wanted to bring it home but obviously I wasn’t about to get fined by my apartment landlord, and I didn’t know if it was a nice dog or a mean dog. I do hope it found its way home or that someone else took it in.
  • Yesterday I got to do a phone interview with the country duo, LOCASH, who will be performing at next week’s Concert in the Park. Sidenote: They were SO nice! 🙂

I could go on and on about the little things I’ve observed/done in the week I’ve been here but, it’s now 11 p.m. and my laundry needs switched over, and I need to get some sleep tonight so I can wake up bright and early to pack and then hit the road back to Michigan tomorrow for the night. And as tired as I’ll be, I am SUPER excited because Cassie and I are going to Taste of Country in the afternoon AND my brother, sister-in-law and niece and nephew are coming to visit from Illinois. It’ll be a quick and bittersweet trip, but, well worth it. Especially since I’ll eventually have to work some weekends–hopefully not my birthday–but, even if I do, it’s okay because, I am doing what I love and practice will only continue to make perfect. 🙂

So, until next time…

XO,

Ana

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If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere…

This week is my last week as a HOMTV rookie reporter.

It’s crazy to think I began this journey back in January and it is now May. When I first started I wasn’t quite sure what to expect but, as time went on, I gained a better understanding based on my own personal experience and through the advice of advanced interns.

While I came in to this internship with some previous newsroom experience, which was helpful, I learned even more throughout my time at HOMTV. I believe the hands-on experience at HOMTV is unparalleled to any other internship in the area.

youthacademy

As I think back to my first day of orientation and meeting the then other 11 interns, I wondered what my relationship with them would be like by the end of the semester. The advanced interns from the fall 2015 semester came to talk to us that night and one shared how our fellow interns would become like family since we would be spending so much time together. At the time I wasn’t sure if I fully believed it, but now, I can say with certainty I do.

While we had some interns leave prior to now, I am so thankful to have met each and every one of them. I couldn’t have asked for a better group to share this experience with this semester. And so I want to give a huge thanks overall to the 11 other interns I started out with, and a special thanks individually to the 5 interns that remain.

Maya: It has been such a pleasure to meet you this semester. You are an extremely hard-working individual, and I truly believe you will go on to do great things in the TV news/sports industry. You have great potential. I thank you, too, for always helping not only me out, but others as well, when needed.

Treasure: Where do I begin? You are one of the funniest and kindest people I’ve had the pleasure to meet this semester. I see great potential in you and believe you too will go far in life. Thank you for always making me laugh and keeping my sanity in check when I at times thought I was losing it.

Brittany: You are such a helpful and kind person. You have been a coworker who is always willing to help others when they need it, and providing laughs as well. You are a hard-working, determined woman who I believe will go far in life as well. You have great potential–not just based on the stories you’ve covered (and kicked ass at), but, but being a great co-worker and team player as well.

Bri: You are someone I see with a bright future ahead of you. It’s been awesome to have experienced this internship with you, and I thank you for always helping me out specifically when it comes to tear down or set up of meetings–like with the cable cords. LOL. But really, you have been a great person to work with over this semester.

Alexis: It has been so great to work alongside you this semester. I feel we connected so well because of our background and interest in print. It has been a pleasure to have met you, and thank you for being such a great co-worker and friend and the many laughs this semester.

While I am eager and excited to see what the future holds for me post-HOMTV, I am sad to be saying goodbye to my fellow rookie interns. Like I said, I wasn’t sure if I would make that close of a bond with them like the advanced interns had talked about but, I did, which is what makes me sad about leaving.

I couldn’t have asked for better people to do this internship with and I thank them all, both the current 5 left and former ones, for making this an experience I won’t forget.

Of course, before ending this post, I must give thanks to the staff at HOMTV as well, for giving me and the other interns the opportunity to do this internship. I have learned so much during my time at HOMTV and it wouldn’t be without the knowledge and training bestowed upon us from everyone there. THANK YOU.

And, of course, a special thank you to our internship coordinator, Brandie, for being so helpful and always pushing us to do our best and help us see our true potential.

So, here’s to my last week and enjoying these next few days before I become an official HOMTV alumni.

Until next time..

XO,

Ana

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Forgiving you is my gift to you; moving on is my gift to myself…

Seeds of Growth

It’s officially Monday, and I meant to write this yesterday but sleep and work won so here’s my post now. Although, as exhausted as I am I should be sleeping right now, considering I have to be at work in the morning.

But, Sunday marked something important and prominent in my life that I felt the need to address it and talk about it.

What is this certain something, you ask? It’s the fifth year anniversary of my break-up with my high school sweetheart. Like to the DAY, five years ago. You’re probably wondering why I’m mentioning this event as an anniversary, but, for a lack of better words…

It was five years ago on a Sunday that a phone call would change my life in a way I would have never imagined.

At that point in time, being almost 21 and having dated my then boyfriend for three and a half years, I couldn’t fathom that it was happening to me. I knew break ups happened all the time between people but, after having dated what seemed like literally forever to me, I couldn’t believe it was really happening.

Like, having spent three and a half years of my life with someone who wasn’t just my first love, and friend first, but he was my best friend. Someone I was fortunate enough at the time to have a part of my life.

To be honest, it hadn’t even dawned on me that the 13th of March was the day it was official that we broke up except that Facebook’s Time Hop reminded me. Thanks, Time Hop.

But, after realizing it, and having just had a conversation about it with my best friend, it felt appropriate to talk about it on here and how much my life has changed and how I’ve changed personally, for the better, because of this break-up.

I’ll admit, it is a little strange to think that FIVE years have gone by since that fateful phone call. Of course at the time I was sad, and for quite some time after, not even fully understanding or accepting that we were in fact over. I was hurt. I felt I didn’t deserve it; I thought he was my soulmate. But my, what time can do to a person.

In the past five years I’ve worked on being who I am meant to be.

I finished college, earned my Bachelor of Science degree in journalism. I joined a sorority, Delta Phi Epsilon, and served as the public relations chair in fall 2012. I celebrated two milestone birthdays, 21st and 25th; took my first airplane rides by myself (which, to me was a very big deal the first time I did–I was terrified, haha). I worked different jobs, spent more time with my family and friends; grew closer to my friends. I’ve grown up. I’ve changed in ways I never thought would be possible because when the break-up first happened, and like I said, for awhile afterward, I truly thought I would never move on. And then I remember at one point my one brother telling me I have to accept the fact that I may never talk to or see my old boyfriend again. Of course, that wasn’t entirely true as we talked briefly last November but, that didn’t end on the best of terms so we are back to no longer speaking.

But you know what? I’ve accepted it. It’s okay. I am not opposed to being his friend if he comes around to changing his mind but, I don’t hold it against him. Five years later and I am at that point my life where I can look back on the relationship and be happy. I don’t regret it. Some days I used to, but, I now know everything happens for a reason. So, I am thankful for having had the relationship with him. No, it didn’t work out, but every experience in my life, this one included, helped shape me into the woman I am today.

So, in honor of it having been five years, I’ve decided to write a public letter. No, I’m not going to mail this to him, but, I am writing it not only for my own sake of fully letting go of the past and accepting it, but also in hopes of other women seeing it and realizing they too can move on from a break-up, a heartache, and be happy again. 🙂

I will admit, it is a little terrifying to put my thoughts like this out there but, at the end of the day it only matters what I think of my thoughts.

To The Boy Who Broke My Heart:

It’s been awhile since I’ve spoken to you. I’m almost certain I saw you out driving where I was out filming for work the other day but I can’t be 100% positive. It looked like you though, as did the truck look like yours. Of course I thought it was strange, only because what were the chances we’d both be in that area at the same time. That, and I was also wondering why you would be on that side of town anyway.

But, enough about that. I want to say I hold no hard feelings toward you. Sure, I wish we could be civil enough to chat–not on daily basis or anything–and to be friends, but, I guess it just isn’t meant to be that way. And that’s okay.

I will admit that for many months, and well, a few years I held both resentment and sadness about us breaking up. After all, you were my first true love, and the truth is, a small part of me will always hold on to that. I used to say I hated you for breaking up with me, but, looking back now, it’s kind of silly to hate someone because they don’t want to be with you anymore/don’t love you anymore. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you back? I questioned that for a long time and I now know that us breaking up did us both a favor.

When I think back to our relationship, I think of all the memories–both the good and bad. Mostly the good, as I don’t want to live with resentment over the bad times, and I smile. We had some great times and while there are times to this day I wish I could send you a text or call you up to tell you something funny, I thankfully have other people in my life for that. No, we’re no longer part of each other’s life, but, I wish you well.

During the time we dated you taught me a lot about love. I fell in love with you and you fell in love with me in return. You and I were opposites and yes, at times I wasn’t sure if we would date for as long as we did but, indeed we did. When I dated you I truly felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Like a princess. Not to say our relationship was perfect, because ours wasn’t, and no one’s is, but, the good times we had I am so happy I will forever have those to cherish.

I thank you. I thank you for asking me out. Oh, the way you asked me out–Won’t ever forget that. Too funny. You were more than just my boyfriend and first true love, but also my best friend. And of course, you were my first real heartbreak. But, as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. It took a long time, yes, and at times I thought I would never fully get over you–as pathetic as that sounds but boy, am I one determined and strong woman who was finally able to say “goodbye” to that chapter of my life. For the longest time I thought my life was over because we ended but oh how wrong I was. I realized that our relationship was just a chapter in my life, not the whole thing. It is in fact when my life really began.

Now I know you may never see this, and we very well may never talk again, but I do want you to know I wish you well. I’m grown up now and no longer not wish you well. Because, you know, I had to be young and immature by wishing you the worst. That of course was before growing up to be older and wiser. I no longer wish that. Because another thing I learned is that it takes up too much time and energy to hate someone. I have so many hopes, dreams and desires I intend to achieve in my life that I decided and realized I would no longer dwell on the past and think you’re a total jerk for breaking up with me. Like I said earlier, you did us both a favor. But, looking forward, if I ever have kids some day, or even if I am just talking to friends or my family (nieces and nephews) as they get older, I’ll speak fondly of our relationship. We had fights but, I choose to focus on the good of our relationship and for that, I am thankful.

Thank you for loving me, and allowing me to love you back. Thank you for allowing me to be such a special part of your life for three and a half years. Thank you for being a part of my life during those years and being there for me through both the good times and the bad. I wouldn’t have made it through the bad times as easily without your support.

I hope you too can look back at our relationship and not hold resentment toward me. But, should you, that choice is yours. I won’t hold it against you. I truly wish you well and if our paths happen to cross again, whether as acquaintances or friends or whatever, wonderful. But, if not, that’s fine too. Just know, no matter what, you’ll forever hold a special spot in my heart for having been my first love. And that for that I will be forever grateful. Thank you.

Ana

Until next time…

XO,

Ana

Posted on

Invest in people who invest in you…

investment

Walking into my house with the smell of Kipper lingering in the air isn’t exactly the welcome home I envisioned upon returning from being gone all day.

Thankfully I work at Bath and Body Works and am obsessed with our candles and have countless of them that I lit one right away in hopes of the smell fading. So far, the Kipper is still winning. -_-

And I’m thinking about how I need to allow 12 hours to fast before tomorrow morning since I have to get blood work, etc. done. Because you know, nothing says “Happy Friday” more than that. Ah… Good times. Thankfully I’m heading to visit my best friend after that for the night. Haven’t seen her new place since she’s moved.

Speaking of friends… I got to thinking today how friendship should always be a two-way street. If it’s not then is it really a friendship to begin with?

I tell ya, friendship is something I hold dear to my heart. I consider myself an extremely blessed person for having the friends I do in my life. My closest friendships, especially, have endured some tough times. Sure, we’ve had countless fun times with endless laughter, but, the true test of friendship comes, in my opinion, when you can endure hardships together.

And, I have more than one best friend.

Now, if you ask my brother Tom, he’ll say you can have only one best friend but, I disagree. I consider my group of “best” friends the best for a reason. Some I’ve known since kindergarten, others middle school, junior high, college. While I’ve known some longer than others, to me it isn’t about who I’ve known the longest but, who’s been by my side from the beginning and never left–even when times got tough.

Now I know that’s a cliche, but, it’s a cliche I find to be very applicable to my life. And in recent years, months, I’ve come to realize that while I consider myself to have a decent amount of friends in general, not everyone may consider me one back.

I’ll be the first to admit I am not the perfect friend. I’m human, and I make mistakes and say stupid things. But, I make up for it by being what a friend should be to begin with. Loyal, honest, trustworthy, apologize when necessary, and overall just be a listening ear when there are no words.

But, in general, like I mentioned above, friendship should always be a two-way street. I think when you’re the only one putting time and effort into it, or the other person offers effort when it’s only convenient for him or her, then perhaps it’s time to cut your losses. After all, life’s much too short to spend it on people who only want to be in your life part-time.

parttimefriends

It’s funny how friendships work out though. Or don’t. For example, a prime one… Today, I spent the day “working” with my friend, Melinda, who I just met in January through our internship. We had so much fun together that it honestly didn’t feel like work. And those are the type of friendships and people I value and appreciate having in my life.

We’ve only known each other for just two months now but, after today, I feel like I’ve known her much longer. She is genuinely one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, and, I realized in some ways, we are exactly alike. (Which, to others, I am not sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing, LOL!) But, like I mentioned above, friendship isn’t always about who we’ve known the longest. Sure, I’ve only known her for two months but, she’s someone I’ve come to know as kind, loyal and trustworthy. And also, freaking hilarious! I seriously laughed so hard with her today that I snorted, and I’m sure some people thought I was totally nuts. (Side note: I was getting a little slap happy and acting a little loopy since I am so exhausted and don’t even know how I am still up, writing a blog right now. Oh wait, yes… COFFEE! Coffee for the win!)

Anyway… Some friendships in my life I feel as though I should ween myself off of simply for the fact because I feel they don’t serve me much purpose. Like, I wonder what I am gaining from these individuals? Especially, when they’re the ones who are only in it partially.

I get it, people are busy with their own lives–myself included, but, if someone really wants a friendship to work out, he or she will make the effort to make it work. Now, for some friendships, in my life for example, I don’t need to talk to my friends everyday to know we’re still friends. And I’m sure other people are like that too. To me there’s nothing wrong with that–it just reaffirms my friendship with that person and shows how truly strong our bond is.

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But, for other friendships, I feel as though more semi-frequent communication/contact with each other is essential. Or, just, nice. But at an appropriate time. Like I also mentioned above earlier, I am not the most perfect friend and I don’t always make the time to touch base with my friends when I should but, thankfully I have wonderful friends and they realize we’re all busy with our own lives sometimes. Other people though, I feel as though they treat a friendship with me, in this case, or in general, a person, and only contact them when it’s convenient for him or her, or, otherwise, when he or she is simply lonely? Bored? Not sure what the right word is but, the bottom line is, it’s not a full investment in the friendship. And that’s just something I can’t get on board with.

Sure, it’s something I myself need to work on because I’m sure I come across this way to some of my friends, and after feeling as though I’ve been treated like this myself, I definitely wouldn’t want others to feel the same way. It’s not a great feeling. So, in honor of it still being considered a “new” year (in my mind anyway–who cares if it’s March, lol) my goal is to better myself as a friend (touch base with my friends more often, listen more carefully) and personally weed out the friendships in my life that I consider dying/don’t really serve me a purpose and say “bye” to them as needed. It’ll suck, but, it’s not the end of the world, and who knows, it may not actually be forever. After all, just like other types of relationships, sometimes friendships just need a break.

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And, also remember, some friendships just aren’t meant to last forever. Same goes for romantic relationships, jobs, etc. I don’t say that to be harsh or a Debby Downer, but, to speak of reality. But, if you do want to make it last forever, or you know, for a long time, then you need to be willing to INVEST in it. It cannot be a one-way street or it will just never work out.

“You get out of it what you put in.”

That above applies to many things in life so, keep it in mind.

Until next time…

XO,

Ana

Posted on

Never chase love, affection or attention…

Why do we do this?

Both men and women. Boys and girls.

alexandgigi

Trust me, I’ve seen He’s Just Not That Into You, enough to know when a guy is not interested.

And yet, I, like the main character, Gigi, continue “chasing” after these guys like they’re something extremely special and think maybe, just maybe he’ll come to his senses and like me back.

Psh!

WRONG!

But it’s not just me, no. I see it all the time in movies, television–real life.

And I always wonder, why do women do that to themselves, and guys the same?

Like Alex says in the movie, if a guy likes you, he will make it clear. He won’t play “games”.

You’re probably wondering why I am even writing about this, right?

Well, because I believe not only do I deserve the best and shouldn’t be “chasing” after men who clearly aren’t interested, but, neither should other men and women.

I firmly believe in soulmates and so I got to thinking that perhaps it’s not working out with the current men in my life because my soulmate is still out there.

Okay, so it sounds cheesy and not everyone believes in soulmates, but, I do. I believe in that happily-ever-after with the right person… At the right time.

Ah, time. That brings me to my next thought.

Why is everything about timing?

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I’ve spent the past few years being single, for the most part enjoying it.

After all, I was and still am young while (currently still) being single and it’s allowed me to not only grow as an individual, but, also made me realize what I will and won’t settle for in a relationship.

But fast forward to the present and I see all these people I know dating, living together, getting engaged and married; having kids. Like, when did that become the thing to do? Am I missing out? Did I miss some memo?

I’m not saying I’m ready right this second to move in with someone or even get engaged right off the bat, but, seeing everyone living this way, it makes me question if I’m right where I should be at this very moment in my life right now.

My point is, while I’m sure the people who are dating each other, living with each other and getting married are (hopefully for the long run) meant to be, what about the rest of us?

I’m not meaning for this to be a pity party, no. I’m just sick and tired of not just myself but other men and women putting themselves out there only to be rejected. Like if you’re not interested in someone, make it clear, lay it out flat. Otherwise, that person is left thinking maybe there could be some spark ignited while that person knows damn well it will never progress to anything more.

Sure, the truth will hurt, but, I’d rather hear the truth and hurt for a little while than be lied to and think in my head something will progress into something more when it really won’t.

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Besides, isn’t honesty the best policy, anyway? I think it is. I mean sure, people tell white lies every now and then, usually to spare someone’s feelings, but, when it comes to the dating world and men and women, I think it’s important to be up front.

If not, then, you must be into playing games. And I tell ya, after how long I’ve been single, the last thing I have time for is games.

Yes, I am still young, but, like I’ve said, I’ve had the time to think about what I really want out of not just life in general but, in a relationship too. I want someone who’s just as crazy about me as I am about them. I want someone who loves me for me and doesn’t care if I dance like a fool when a good song comes on Pandora, or don’t want to interact with people until I’ve had coffee. Someone who understands it takes me at least two hours to get ready. I can get ready in less than that, but, I like to lolly gag and dance like a fool to Pandora, lol.

I want someone who appreciates my quirks, supports my dream of being a reporter, enjoys big families and doesn’t mind my family’s uniqueness (lol). I want someone who not only enjoys this but, can handle it.

Perhaps I may be asking for too much but, I know there are people out there in the world who ask and have received much more so, really, I don’t think I am asking for too much. But again, maybe I am, hence why I am still single.

In the mean time I am going to continue pursuing my dream of being a reporter–work on my professional life–and, you know, still be on the online dating scene, and I guess the real world dating scene, even if my prospects are just average. Who knows? I told myself earlier this year that this year is the year of taking chances so, I am going to try my best to be even more open when it comes to dating but, at the same time, not just being open for the sake of being open. I gotta draw the line somewhere, right?

Ah, until next time…

XO,

Ana

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