Advice – ThirtySomething Shenanigans

August 24, 2020August 25, 2020

1 Out Of 5 Stars, Would NOT Recommend 2020…

Well hello there! Capture

Long time, no see. Literally. Am I right?

Let’s see — the last blog post I did was in April, so, four months literally to the date. And no, I didn’t plan that, oddly.

*** Disclaimer: I started this post last Thursday with the intention of finishing it the same night and then I got sidetracked and then flash forward to now: Monday.

So, four months since my last post and well, not much has changed. I mean, we’re still in the middle of a, excuse my language — fucking — pandemic. Like, and at this point, I, and I assume like many other around the world, are FLIPPING OVER IT!

I mean, seriously. When my work transitioned us to working at home in March, never did I think in my wildest dreams that we would still be working from home until now, and, let alone until at least through the new year.

YUP.

You read that right, reader. My work has sent us official word that we will be working home until at least through Jan. 4, 2020.

Now, that could certainly change again as the time nears, and at this point, I can only hope it doesn’t.

Why?

Well, let me tell you why.

So, I have never been a huge public speaker (I mean, OK yeah, on some of my social media platforms more than others) on my “mental illness,” if you will. I know, I shouldn’t use quotes around that term as it is a very much real subject and simply thing countless people have/experience/live with.

I am one of them.

But, to be honest, and I don’t mean to be offensive when I say this — but, I don’t like that term. It’s probably because of the negative stigma still so very much associated with it, even though by now, 2020, I thought we would have made some progress as a society in terms of how we would view and treat those with mental illness — both treatment socially and medically.

Anyway, not my point. Yes, I do suffer from mental illness, though. I have depression and anxiety.

What? Me? No?

Yep. True. Not fake news.

Why?

Well, Jesus, I wish I knew WHY. The “why,” is what’s been increasingly getting to me during this pandemic. And well, let’s be honest, this pandemic and quarantine itself aren’t helping matters at all. They’ve both just made things worse, to be honest.

Which, brings me to why I decided to blog about it. Is this terrifying? Oh yeah, you know, only slightly!? But, I want to share this in hope it inspires other reading this to know it’s OK to not be OK sometimes. Whether you are someone who suffers from mental illness directly, or have someone in your life that does, or you just are otherwise going through a rough patch — it’s OK to seek help/support.

Believe me, after having become really honest with myself, I knew I had to share with other people so they don’t feel hopeless or defeated in their pursuit to get better.

“But Ana, everyone has bad days. You’ll get over it.”

Right. You would think depression is that easy, wouldn’t you? In fact, that’s a common misconception about depression specifically, is that an individual is just having a bad day and will only temporarily feel sad.

NOPE, WRONG!

During this pandemic, being quarantined with the rest of the world, my depression and anxiety told me I (and others who suffer from depression/anxiety/any other mental illness) had it the worst. No one would simply understand.

So what happened? Well, I literally began losing my marbles. I began to feel super isolated. Even though I was still able to see my parents, my one brother and dog, it didn’t make me feel better 100 percent.

I missed my sense of normalcy. I still do.

I began to dig myself into this imaginary rut/hole that I felt there wasn’t any escaping from. Mix this in with a long-distance, fairly new-ish relationship. I mean, could I really handle everything that I was forcing onto my plate? I didn’t think so.

So over the past few months I’ve thankfully still been able to continue therapy with my therapist through Zoom video chats and have gone to see my GP doctor a handful of times in hopes of finding a medication to balance my therapy in hope of both of them helping dig me out of this rut I felt myself falling further into.

Well, therapy has been great. I have been seeing my therapist for over a year now and I’ve grown to really like her. At first I was skeptical. Not because it was my first rodeo seeing a therapist, but, because I had my own misconceptions and stereotypes about therapists that made me cringe thinking of he/she asking, “And how does that make you feel?” There was no way I could handle that.

But, I gave her a chance and it’s definitely helped, but, it wasn’t enough. And that’s when she explained and a light bulb went off in my head that there is something wrong chemically in my brain. It was a silly conception to think at first — in fact, I shrugged it off, like, yeah, right, lady. OK.

Finally, though, I gave it more thought and realized she was right. I knew I was going to need something more than just therapy. Now granted, I had already been taking medication prior to and with therapy, but, it got to a point where it no longer felt like it was helping make things better. And then, like I said, enter in this quarantine in the middle of a pandemic and feeling isolated from the world, well, that’s when things really took a turn.

And again, I am sure there are some people reading this and will make it to the end and think, OK, yeah, I think you’re just being dramatic. And if you want to believe that, go ahead. I know not everyone buys into “mental illness” and health, but, like I said previously, I am hoping by sharing those post it will not only be therapeutic for me, but, also for others out there who are going through something similar.

Fast forward to now… I still struggle, absolutely. In fact, these past two weeks before my staycation at Ryan’s house, or, at the very beginning of it, I lost it. I truly felt like I had hit rock bottom.

I was terrified. I couldn’t wrap my mind and deal with why I felt so sad when I knew I have so much to be grateful for in life. It’s always a struggle between fighting to be happy while also realizing it’s perfectly normal to feel the way I do. Is it is ideal? Hell no. And to be quite frank, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

But, thankfully/luckily — I have an amazing support person — a support system, really. Seriously, though, major kudos go to Ryan — who, along the way, we have both learned to be even more patient and understanding when I get in one of those low moods.

I’ve shown my ugliest side to him — both metaphorically and literally. And his reaction and dealing with is it the definition of true love.

True love is partly what has helped me through this. Yes, of course, I have an infinite about of love from my family, but, they’re my family — it’s their job to love me. 😉 Kidding, sort of.

But, Ryan has a choice day in and day out to love me. And not once has he ever wavered. I have never met a more selfless, loving, caring, kind and patience man. I mean, I thought my past boyfriends were the bees knees, but, clearly I was wrong. I am and will forever be grateful to God or whatever other higher power is up there that led Ryan into my life. I can’t imagine showing my true, true self with anyone else.

Although I’ll be honest, that didn’t come easy. Even little things, like little quirks or whathaveyou, I did not want Ryan to be seeing/experiencing any of that. I mean, some things a significant other just does not need to know you do/say. LOL! But, over time, my guard lowered and I became more comfortable. I felt safe. Like I could be my true self and have that be enough–for the most part, anyway. (Remember, my mental illness tells me more often than not that I am not worthy of such a great love/relationship in my life.) I felt like I could say what was really weighing on my mind and tell him without needing to provide an explanation.

Of course, with my depression and anxiety, I so badly want to be able to explain it and the fact that I can’t, infuriates me to no end. He understands I can’t, and doesn’t expect me to explain, but, for someone who is on the receiver end of the illness and meh, maybe just a tad obsessive compulsive, can make me my own worst enemy.

My point in all of this is this: Let go of what others think of you. At the very least, speak up and speak out. Help end the stigma related to mental illness. If you are feeling sad or angry or even happy, really — share it. Reach out if you need help. Reach out even simply just to talk.

Will be it absolutely terrifying to do? Hell yes. But, look at me. Look at me blasting all my random thoughts in my head typed out into words and this time not on Twitter. (Because on yes, my Twitter account is just like an open diary to whomever wants to read it. But, also, again, because I am hoping maybe I can inspire others, even if only one person, to speak up and speak out; or just feel heard and know they’re not alone.) My family reads this–OK, maybe not every single person, but, I am sure some–strangers read this. My friends read this. I really don’t know who reads this but, if you are reading this and you either a) feel inspired, reach out and let me know. OR, if you need/want additional resources, my favorite is: 1-800-273-8255.

It’s OK to ask for help. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak.

I believe it’s so important to seek help when you need it, even when it can be scary. Why? Because I lost someone to suicide when I was younger and while she was an adult at the time, and I a child, to this day it still impacts me very much. I can’t help but wonder why such a kind, loving and beautiful soul had to be dealt the card of mental illness in life. I wonder why her mental illness had to consume her to the point where she felt there was no other way out other than to end her own life.

It happened long ago while I am now 30 years old today, I am and always will be an advocate for mental illness and suicide prevention. Especially since I myself have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, which are forms of mental illness. I want to be better. I want to do better. I don’t want my life to be defined by my actions as a result of my mental illness. I want to try and understand better so I can really believe people when they tell me it’s treatable and that there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel so to speak.

So until next time… I will work on small victories of self-care, which is how I will try to cope with my mental illness of depression and anxiety. Whether it’s something silly but small and still a victory like — getting dressed and doing my hair and makeup for the day; going outside to mow my lawn while listening to my favorite music; karaoking while in the shower or during work (when I am not receiving or making outbound calls, of course); giving myself at least one compliment a day, or even week (baby steps)–self love–something I struggle with a lot; not taking a nap after work because I am so tired from who knows (depression, etc); journaling; etc. These may seem small and trivial, but, like my therapist and Ryan like to remind me — I have to start somewhere and find what works for me. Remember, everyone is different and so self-care for me may look totally different to the next person.

Tell me, what are you doing during this pandemic to show yourself self love and care? Do you have any recommendations for me that I may have overlooked and you think I could benefit from?

Let’s get the conversation going to help #EndTheStigma.

XOXO,

Ana

October 2, 2018October 3, 2018

A lot can happen in a year…

Five months. Boy, do I really know how to maintain a blog.

Oops!

Well, regardless, here I am at the beginning of a new month and a few weeks into a new season: fall.

I like fall, and a new season in general, but if I’m being completely honest, the shorter amount of sunlight during the fall/winter days makes me not at my peak of happiness.

I don’t believe I have actual seasonal affective disorder and to be clear, I’m certainly not saying there is anything wrong with those who suffer from it.

Then again, this month marks something of somewhat significance. OK, I shouldn’t say somewhat because it was an experience that meant a lot to me and one I cared for deeply, and unfortunately it didn’t turn out how I had hoped for.

I’ve talked about it before — the last time being in May, which was coincidentally also the last time I blogged at all — that time about how I had felt like I moved on. Now, that wasn’t entirely false. I had, I did. But slowly old feelings re-emerged and I realized maybe I hadn’t given myself quite enough time to grieve my heartache like I should have. Of course, the saying goes, it takes half the time you dated someone to move on from them, and in May it had been half the time. But, now in a matter of days (Oct. 12 to be exact), it’ll mark one year since I said goodbye to another chapter of my life in hopes one day I might be able to open that door again, if only even in the form of a friendship. But, eventually would I learn the truth that some things can never go back to the way they were.

And that’s a cold, hard truth.

And it’s not a surprise, nothing new. I’ve said goodbye to former flames and even friends without reconciliation, but even as I’ve gotten older, I realized it never quite gets easier because of that. Especially in the day and age of social media and how advance it has become, like Facebook reminding you of past memories of every day of the year. Yeah, great for most memories but not like the night when you treated your now ex-boyfriend to an expensive dinner only to have you guys break up an hour afterward. (Actual true story, by the way.)

I guess I’ve always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. I think in my mind it was my thought process that a person needed to change (I thought they should) and that if they did, everything would go back to the way it was. But, I learned that that isn’t reality and we can’t make people change — especially those who don’t think they need nor want to change. Plus, maybe it’s not even that we think people need to change, but that in our mind we become so consumed with that thought because it’s the only way we can wrap our mind about why said person left our life to begin with and wondering what we could have done to make them stay.

But get this — and people have and I know will continue to tell me this until I find my Mr. Right, or even if I simply close the door to a friendship — that what’s meant to be, will be. It can be so easy for us to become attached to a human, think that they’re beyond right for us, only to be faced with the cold hard truth that, said person leaving your life isn’t doing it to be mean, but simply because said person knows they’re not meant for your life.

For me, that’s a particular hard pill to swallow. Which, in all honesty it shouldn’t be as I feel I have personally written people off for a lot less — people I originally wanted so badly to stay in my life.

And those people who have done what I do/did to those leaving mine, trying desperately to do whatever I can to keep that person. I try my best for one more chance, only to be told it isn’t going to happen… like ever (hey, T-Swift); just like others have asked me for another chance, whether intentionally or subtly, I must and have to close a door.

What I’ve learned about breakups and ends of friendships is that even though they suck, I have been beyond blessed to be surrounded by loved ones, both friends and family, who offer a shoulder to cry on or lend a listening ear. They let you say you miss said person, that you want to see and talk to said person, only afterward to be that good friend or family member and remind you of everything you have to offer to someone who will actually cherish it.

Sure, we all can fall into these funks, especially when we’re hit with a new season that comes with less daylight and messes with our serotonin, the happy, feel good chemical our brain releases. But, like the time it actually happened, the breakup of a significant other or a friend, we find ourselves relying on our loved ones to get us through and remind us we’re strong; we’re capable of overcoming our feelings of sadness and loss; and most definitely will find another person to fall in love with or create an everlasting friendship with.

And like I’ve said before, while breakups in particular suck, no matter how long or little you two dated, or even how long ago the split was, in my opinion I will forever be grateful to have loved and lost rather than to never have loved at all.

So for those of you reading this who have mourned a romantic breakup or end of a friendship, know the storm doesn’t last forever. It’s so cliche, but like I mentioned earlier, I felt peace at one point before and I know in time, especially when this one year anniversary is over this month and a new season comes upon us — preferably spring/summer — I’ll be back to feeling 100 percent how I was before I even began the relationship or friendship.

It’s not just a matter of time healing all wounds, it’s a matter of changing your mindset to “I know I will be OK. I was OK before said relationship and I know I can and will be OK afterward.” Things happen in life that we don’t always agree with, but I believe they ultimately happen for a reason (even if it takes us awhile to fully understand that reason) and shape us into the person we are meant to be.

And trust me, there are far worse things in life to be sad about than someone not liking you. Their loss! Am I right or am I right?

Until next time…

XO,

Anamaria

October 2, 2017October 2, 2017

The first step to accepting yourself is to stop comparing yourself to others…

It’s officially fall.

The season changed to fall Sept. 22, but who’s counting?

With a change of season I feel like comes a change for many of us. Or, at least those seeking a change. To be honest, I’m not quite sure if I am ever actually seeking a change, or, if I just think I should be doing something different than the same old, same old.

As for this new season?

I could say I am up to changing this or that, but the reality is, I would probably let whatever change I set my mind to fall to the way side because, let’s face it, that’s just who I am.

I will say this, perhaps I won’t do anything drastic, but, as time moves on and I get older each day (because, let’s face it, we all do) I realize I need to stop and smell the roses — er, coffee. I must do this before I just continue to freak out about my two years old mid-life crisis at 27 and wonder why my life isn’t how I pictured it to be when I was younger?

I don’t know when exactly it was but at some point, I started to panic about being whatever age I was at the time and wondering why I wasn’t at the same point in my life as my friends. It never used to bother me, and then one day I found myself constantly obsessing, wondering if and when I would reach certain milestones or other goals people my age tend to make.

In reality, I know me obsessing and freaking out about what I haven’t yet accomplished is a big waste of time and and stress on me, but, I haven’t quite mastered yet the art of just “letting it go.”

How does one “let go” anyway? I think it’s much easier said than done. Right?

And you know, I’m not even sure if this freaking out is because I really think I should have accomplished these milestones by this age of 27, or, if I am more so freaking out about if and when, if ever, these milestones will be crossed for me?

I really think it’s a matter of if and when. After all, on the one hand, I can’t really picture myself as being married and having kids, or another milestone, at this very moment. Not that there’s anything wrong with being married and having kids right now, at whatever age you are, but, personally for me, having kids right now would just be irresponsible of me.

I mean, I am not engaged. I live in a studio apartment. Work five days a week, sometimes 6, up to 8 hours a day. It just wouldn’t be ideal to have a kid. And then as for a wedding? That’s a lot of time and money, too, that, unfortunately I just don’t think I have right now. Obviously in the future I anticipate and hope to, but, that’s the future.

Then, if I don’t stress myself out about myself enough, I feel like I get stressed for other people. People my age getting married, having kids, doing this and that. It can make my head sometimes spin wondering how they are going to balance the process of those things, and the end result, all while maintaining their jobs, friend and family?

I don’t know, perhaps all of these people handle stress and change better than I do, which is likely the case, but then I also wonder when and why it became the “norm” to do all this stuff, which to me, seems so soon?

OK, so it’s really not soon. I mean, I am now officially closer to 30 than I am 20 and that thought alone is terrifying. When I was younger I thought I would be married by the time I was 26 and probably, if ever, have kids shortly after. Funny, right? But, true.

For whatever reason, that wasn’t in the cards for me, which is fine but, with more and more people my age settling down with their significant other and having been steady in their career for a long time, I can’t help but feel I somehow got far left behind in that bandwagon.

Now I know, some people are probably reading this and have actually questioned me like, why is this such a big deal to you and my response is always the same. I don’t know. Perhaps, honestly though, a twinge of envy. Obviously I am happy for other people who are happy, and that’s not to say I am not happy but, I can’t help but wonder (if and) when I will get to experience all these great milestones that they’re reaching. Perhaps, because I am how old I am I figured I should have already reached these milestones? Maybe, but, life has its own way of playing out, which is something it took me a long time to realize.

I used to hate it when people would say, “Everything happens for a reason.” My eyes would bulge out of my head and I would think, “They’re crazy.” Example being, if a loved one died, whether it was of natural causes or terminal illness or accident. WHY? Why did this awful thing have to take my loved one away? I could never fathom why people would say that and I refused to believe it was true until I got older and I essentially forced myself to believe it.

And so perhaps that’s what I need to do now. Force myself to believe that when the time is right, and when it’s meant to be, I will reach all these great milestones so many others I know already have. Perhaps it really isn’t a matter of if it will happen, but when, and it will happen when it’s meant to.

For now, I just to focus on the present. Focus on what is now, not what was or what will be, but the now. And the me now needs to focus on being happy, not envious, of my fellow peers, and focus on thriving on my own. Being happy for myself, by myself, and focusing on my career. I myself have a lot going for me personally and I tend to forget that sometimes.

But like I’ve said before, this is all much easier said than done. And with that, I will likely have to “fake it until I make it”/force myself to believe that when it’s meant to be, I’ll be content with my life and genuinely 100% happy/0% envious of those around me. It pains me to say I have a twinge of envy but, I gotta be honest with people and myself. Otherwise, it’ll just eat away at me and I’ll be miserable.

Anyway…

Until next time…

XO,

Anamaria

August 7, 2017August 7, 2017

Everything you want is on the other side of fear…

I am fully aware just now neglectful of this blog I am but with an apparent short attention span and a full-time job as a reporter, it can be a challenge to want to sit and write some more outside of what I do for my job.

Anyway, it’s been five months (yes, five months, O-M-G!) since I’ve posted anything and quite frankly, a lot has happened, in a sense.

So two months after my last post something incredible happened. I was given a second chance at a relationship that I was really hoping and praying wasn’t the end of it for good the first time.

Now look, I’m sure there are some people reading this wondering was this relationship really worth a second chance? If there’s anything useful and important I learned in life it’s to not worry about what others think — especially when it comes to YOUR relationship. On the other hand, I do believe that not all relationships are meant to work out (i.e. my previous relationship during high school and part of college) but, looking back now, I’m pretty sure that was doomed from the beginning, I just didn’t see the signs. But, I certainly don’t regret that relationship because it taught me about love — and the things that come with it — what I should strive for in my next relationship, what I will accept and won’t settle for etc. But this relationship I’m in now, I knew it was different. I’ve known that since the moment I met him.

It’s funny, and kind of bizarre — we met at work not even two years ago but we actually went to the same college at Central Michigan University for all four years before that. We just never met during that time. It seems weird to me on the one hand that it has been such a short time since we’ve known each other because I feel like I have known him for much longer.

Now let me tell you — up until a certain age I think I believed in love at first sight. But then, as time went on I thought, ‘there’s no way that’s possible. In fact, people who think that are out of their mind,’ but — at 27-years-old now, I am beginning to change my mind again. I’m not sure if it’s that I actually believe in love at first sight but, I do think that two people can meet and just have a special instant connection. Something else at first sight.
I feel kind of scared — OK, I feel absolutely terrified to even be sharing/revealing this but — I do believe in that special connection and I feel as though I am experiencing it currently. I say I feel terrified because, it’s a new thing for me. I’m not saying that with my last boyfriend I didn’t feel it but, let’s be real — that was young love (yes, I was in love with him some years ago) and now I am a grown adult — a lot has changed about not only myself personally but how I feel towards relationships, love and even fear.

I am also fearful for another reason but, I’m coming to realize that fear really doesn’t have a spot in my life. People get scared all of the time about different things but do they let it hold them back? NO. Or, you know, they try their best to not let it hold them back, which is something I am currently in the process of working on. I am fearful because what if the feeling isn’t reciprocated? I am not saying that’s the case — and definitely not limiting that feeling to just my relationship — but for anyone out there. I know where my relationship stands, however, I can’t help but feel a different kind of happy, go-lucky, giddy feeling than the same feeling I felt when I dated my previous boyfriend. I think part of it might be because back then I was young therefore a bit naive, and didn’t know any better. Well, now I am older and certainly know better, or, like to think I do anyway. I guess what it comes down to is, I think I am trying to shift the focus of who thinks what of how I feel to others — rather than myself. Even though in reality, it’s me who I am worried about I feel. It’s not that I am not confident in how I feel, but, on the other hand, am I crazy for feeling this way so fast? Of course, while I really cannot compare my relationship to any other as no two relationships are the same, (and I need to quit trying to compare mine to others) I have considered others’ relationships and for them, to me, it seems like they have that feeling I do only they’re not questioning it like I am. They’re just going with it. And for me, that’s much easier said than done.

Like I said, it’s not because I don’t actually feel it. I do. I have this intense feeling of “fondness” if you will, toward my relationship but I think maybe I am feeling it too fast, too soon. Of course no one but myself and my boyfriend can be the judge of that, but, I do look to others because I simply admire their relationships. Take my parents for example — they’re high school sweethearts.

When I dated my former boyfriend I had long assumed and hoped that’s what our relationship would be. It didn’t up being the case of course, which, for the both of us ultimately was the best thing for us, but, the me now wants that same kind of love my parents share.

Love — yes I said it. I love love. I really do. And it is because of not only my parents, but Disney fairy tale cartoons, too. Call me cliche, call me cheesy, but I have always been one of those girls who idolized the princess and prince charming ending up happily-ever-after. Although, side note: If you’re an adult watching Disney movies then you can see just how truly barbaric some of the story lines are. I mean, a prince “rescuing” the princess a.k.a. damsel in distress?

OK, not my point. My point is, aside from the somewhat outdated story lines, it’s the elements behind it. Cinderella, for example, while she was “rescued” from her evil stepmother and stepsisters, she wound up living happily-ever-after with her prince. Now of course, this is modern day, and reality of course, not some scripted cartoon movie, and relationships don’t always mean a happily-ever-after. That’s not to say people won’t stay together forever, but rather, relationships “aren’t always rainbows and butterflies.” (Cue: Maroon 5, for those of you who caught that reference.)

Relationships take work. They take patience. Kindness. Understanding. Everything. And I am beyond grateful and can’t thank God enough for allowing me this second chance at this relationship I’m in now. For quite some time after my former relationship, even sporadically until now, I have carried that emotional baggage around with me. Eventually, I knew I had to let that baggage go in order to fully accept and actually be present in this current relationship. Of course, while I let go of that baggage it seemed I picked up new “baggage,” if you will, only this time — about the future.

Obviously I or anyone else has no idea what the future holds but for some reason, I am determined to try and figure it out. Never in my life have I wondered, or worried, so much about the future. I guess maybe it’s in part because I have gotten older and will only continue to get older, just like everyone else because it’s a part of life. It’s inevitable. But, on the other hand, I feel like that’s just maybe who I am as a person — a worrier? But why? That remains a mystery to me.

I’ve been trying hard to be more present and focused on the present and it’s a process. I started, sort of, a hand-written journal that I truly hope I can utilize regularly to my benefit. It’s part hand-written, part “vision” journal, meaning I am cutting pictures and images out of old magazines for both short-and-long-term goals I hope to achieve.

The journal is a work-in-progress, much like (me) trying to regain focus on the present outside of my journal and being grateful for the now of my life because well, it’s pretty damn great. But I will say this, as another potential reason for my worry about the future: I don’t want history to repeat itself.

I know, I’m 27-years-old (Eek! That’s still so weird to me sometimes), a grown adult, and really I only have the one other relationship (that was significant and had a major impact on my life) to compare things to, but, that heartbreak was hard. Of course, all heart breaks are hard (even if it was ultimately a blessing in disguise), and everyone handles them differently. For me, as a woman who’s always been an emotional being (for whatever reason), it was one of the more difficult things in life to go through. It obviously wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever experienced as I consider the death of a loved one or pet, or something along those lines, as the worst things I’ve had to experience in life. But anyway — the heartbreak was difficult then, and even during my last “heartbreak” in this relationship during the two months we broke up and hardly spoke, were awful. I really wasn’t sure and didn’t entertain the idea too much if we would get back together. I had hoped, obviously, as our relationship just hadn’t felt like it should have ended there and thank God and my boyfriend, and myself too, for realizing the feelings were still there and that in order to move on some things would need to change to make the relationship even better the second time around.

And let me tell you, they are. When he and I met up for the first time after two months it wasn’t at all awkward like I kept telling myself and my friends it would be. I was terrified to see him in person because I honestly had no idea what to expect. He was simply just “coming over to visit.” But, it turned out what I could have only dreamed of and from there it’s been much different, but certainly in a good way.

My point is, there’s a lot of unknowns in life. And fear is a thing that never goes away. But, we find a way to overcome the fear and accept the unknowns as they make their presence known in our lives. And as for feelings, which in this particular case mine are tied to fear — I can’t let it. I can’t and shouldn’t feel scared, or sorry for the way I feel. I can only hope and pray for in the future for things to be equal among us.

For now, I will continue my relationship, and life in general, as it is. Enjoy each moment and it comes and try not to stress out so much about the future. Be confident in where I am in life now. And that goes to you, too, whoever is reading this post.

Until next time…

— Anamaria

March 1, 2017March 8, 2017

What it’s like being a journalist in a world of ‘fake news’…

If you’ve been paying attention, you’d know President Donald Trump has declared a war with the media.

Why, you may ask?

Because according to him, all the media prints are ‘alternative facts’ and ‘lies.’

Well, I for one, call bullshit.

I’m not saying that news outlets are perfect and never make mistakes, because we do–usually unintentionally–but, what he is implying is outright ludicrous, offensive and damaging to our credibility as journalists. And I especially take offense because I am a journalist. And I’ve worked damn hard, just like the rest of us, to become one.

Now I can’t sit here and claim I’ve never made an unintentional mistake or two here and there because that would be a lie. I’m only human, after all. And Despite Trump doing his best to make media the anti-Christ, there are people out there who, thankfully, still believe in us media. They rely on us to report the truth, inform them of current events and breaking news happening locally, nationally and internationally.

And to those people who support us, I thank you.

As for those who are on Trump’s side in regards to the war with media, I am astounded. I am astounded because so often I come across people on social media sharing and re-posting news articles that aren’t from a reputable or even real news site but, believe it’s real. They fail to do any work of their own to check the credibility of that site/publication and instead just assume that actual, legitimate news organizations are just full of straight crap.

As a reporter, I strongly urge to anyone reading this to please, please, please in the future consider double-checking the news sources from where you’re getting stories and re-sharing from. Because not only do I take offense to this on a professional level, but it also makes me lose respect for your personally to see you didn’t care enough to even bother double-checking your source(s).

It truly is a shame that there are so many people who side with Trump when it comes to blasting and ragging on the media day in and day out. And I don’t simply say that just because I am a journalist. I would be pissed even if I wasn’t a journalist because I would still rely on them to report the news and keep me informed and educated. I would rely on them even if I wasn’t a journalist because I know that they actually went (or you know, should have) to school to earn their degree in it. And yes, a degree in my opinion separates the real journalists from the non-real journalists. But, that’s a completely different topic in itself.

Being a reporter in the present when Trump is president is tough. It’s not easy. And while the chances of Trump ever noticing and calling me out personally or the newspaper I work for on something we reported on are like 1 in 1 million, I still stand by my fellow reporters across the state, across the nation and across the globe. And I appreciate so much the news outlets who took a stand against Trump and Sean Spicer regarding their recent press conference by not attending it even if they were actually on the very exclusive, small list Trump created.

Being a reporter in the present when Trump is president is frustrating. Even though I work for a small paper, I (well, mostly the paper I work at or any newspaper/other news outlet in existence for that matter) still deal with and experience people’s nasty comments on news articles we write–saying we’re this and that because of what we report; or how dare we report on this; how dare we not report on that; etc. Of course, there is always going to be something, whether it’s Donald Trump or regular everyday people sitting behind their computer monitor, that people dislike about what my newspaper or other news outlets report on. And that sucks.

No profession goes unscathed by people who call out their flaws and rag on them now and then but, in Trump’s term as president right now, the media is definitely subject to more scrutiny and hatred a lot more openly and frequently.

So my point is, please consider formulating your own thoughts about the media before just blindly jumping on Trump’s (or any one who is anti-media) bandwagon. Perhaps through your own fact-checking you’ll see that maybe it’s not actually the media that has it wrong, but the viewer/reader of the news just happens to have a different perception of what is being reported.

It’s OK to have different perceptions, thoughts, opinions — all that. That is what is great about this country–our ability to have different perspectives. But, what’s not OK is simply bashing the media and/or other people/professions just because you don’t agree with them on every minute detail. The media can’t and shouldn’t be the enemy just because you or Donald Trump don’t agree with what is being reported. You can’t claim something is a ‘lie’ or an ‘alternative fact’ simply because you disagree.

Like I said, I for one stand with the media whether I am a part of it or not. Who knows, maybe one day in the far future I may no longer work in the media but you can be sure as hell I will still support them 100 percent. And trust them. They do have a degree in it after all. And, because I know well enough and understand that journalists are human, too, and make mistakes from time to time but that just because they do doesn’t mean they’re bad people, ignorant, stupid, or reporting ‘alternative facts.’ Sure, you can be a Trump supporter all you want but, for crying out loud, politics aside, even before this war was declared with the media by Trump, you should have been doing your damn research. And so if you haven’t, now is as good a time as any.

Just be informed, OK?

Again, even if I wasn’t a journalist, I would still be urging you to do the same–fact check. But I am even more strongly urging you to be informed because I am a journalist. Trust me, nothing makes anyone more annoyed (I can only assume), when people don’t bother to fact-check and make sure that the news they’re seeing, re-sharing and believing is actually legitimate.

So please, do your part by verifying the news site’s legitimacy before hitting “share” on Facebook or “retweet” on Twitter. It’ll give a lot of people, but especially us reporters, less of a headache.

Until next time…

XO,

Anamaria

August 25, 2014August 25, 2014

What To Know: Life as a Central Michigan University Chippewa

It’s hardly half-way through the first day of classes at CMU and already I am missing so many things…

I was done with classes in May so it’s not like I just gave up what I miss yesterday or anything, but, I can’t help feel nostalgic after seeing all my friends’ social media posts. In honor of the first day of my alma mater’s classes, I will post some things I personally miss, along with advice/tips incoming freshmen and anyone in general should check out/know during their time at CMU.

TIPS/ADVICE:

Tip #1: Invest in FLEX dollars. These are absolutely worth it and can be used to buy copious amounts of Starbucks at the University Center OR to buy endless spicy chicken sandwiches, also at the U.C. Or to buy anything else your heart desires, as long as it’s on CMU’s campus.

Tip #2: When driving to the U.C. and PARALLEL parking, make sure you do JUST that–PARALLEL park. Don’t park too close to the front or back line and mess up the parking for everyone else. If there’s one thing that peeves me the most it’s when people don’t take the two seconds to readjust their parking. Besides, you don’t want anyone else accidentally hitting your car or something, do you? Just do it and save yourself a scratch or fender bender.

Tip #3: It’s an unspoken, unwritten rule that where you sit on the first day of school is where you’ll sit every day after–unless your professor assigns you seats–in which case sucks. But, if you don’t have assigned seats then know where you pick to sit on the first day is pretty much guaranteed where you’ll be sitting the rest of the semester. In other words, please don’t be THAT person who decides halfway through the semester that he/she doesn’t like his/her seats and sits in someone else’s and then messes everything up for everyone else. Just don’t do it. Pick carefully.

Tip #4: While it’s still technically summer and not fall for another month, remember to dress for the appropriate whether. As it was just brought to my attention from one of my sorority sisters, there isn’t AIR CONDITIONER in the buildings. Meaning as soon as you step foot inside whatever building your class is in you’ll be wishing you could jump in a pool or have one of those portable fans with you like the ones that were popular (although I never understood why) when we were younger. It’s hot and depending on how long your class is, or regardless of how long your class is, you WILL be miserable if dressed in clothes made for cooler fall temperatures or even winter. And as an extra precaution: pack water, or something else to hydrate.

Tip #5: Join RSOs (registered student organizations). I can’t stress this enough. I will admit I wish I had joined an RSO sooner than the start of my junior year but you know, it is what it is. Anyway… Join a group, whatever it may be, as soon as you can. You might be worried you won’t have the time to commit to it, which was my major concern, but trust me, you will, and in the end it will benefit you immensely. And for the times you really don’t have the time for it, again, it will be worth it in the end. There are so many groups/clubs to join on campus that if you really can’t find one then, well, you’re probably doing it wrong. You’re bound to find something that sparks your interest or may end up sparking your interest if you at least give it a try. Check out Orgsync for a list of all the RSOs CMU has–that is, if you didn’t already check out Main Stage this past weekend. Even if you’re not sure about joining a club right away at least attend one meeting/event or even e-mail the president to get a better feel of what that particular club is about. Trust me, you won’t regret joining an RSO. Besides, after having joined my sorority, Delta Phi Epsilon, I use that in my cover letters when applying for jobs talking about my experience as the Public Relations Chair AND how to effectively engage/work with different kinds of people as my sisters and I are all different.

Tip #6: Get to know your professors, especially ones in your department of study. Don’t just know their name but, when their office hours are, a little background info about them–like what inspired them to teach what they do, where they went to school, what type of internships they did, career advice, etc. When it gets closer to graduation and you’re applying for post-college jobs or even internships earlier in your college career, you may (or MOST likely) will be required to submit letters of recommendations to said job. And who better to have write you one than someone who knows you for longer than one semester? Once you’re at the point where the majority of the classes you’re enrolled in are your major classes then you will most likely have the same professors from there on out. Utilize them. They were once students too and while it was a different time when they went to college than it is now, they can still offer valuable insight and advice on how to successfully reach your goals both academically and professionally.

Tip #6: This pertains more to Welcome Weekend, which already happened, but also can apply to any other weekend. It’s no secret Central is known as a “party school”, which, to some may seem like an elite title while others look the other way. Regardless, in my opinion, students like to let loose–whether it’s every weekend or once in awhile. And just because you let loose doesn’t mean you have to be raging all night until the sun comes up the next morning or even drink at all, but you should still remember this next tip. Watch out for your friends! I’m not sure if it’s still up, but at one of the bus stops outside of Pearce Hall there is a poster that says something to that effect–take care of each other. Not everyone is friends with everyone at CMU but, if there’s one thing I really appreciated learning my freshman year was that everyone was at least friendly/cordial with each other. You don’t have to be besties but during my experience at CMU I realized how close-knit we are and are there for each other through the good and bad. Might sound a bit cheesy but trust me, you’ll be thanking your peers later if you ever go through a rough experience. My point in saying watch out for your friends, and non-close friends (peers) in general is because that’s what CMU Chips do. Even though CMU has the “party rep” and can be seen as negatively, I know CMU can also do a lot of great, positive things. So, if you see something, say something. All of CMU chips know this motto as every new student/freshman is required to attend the “No zebras, no excuses” skit put on by SAPA every fall semester. It’s okay to have fun–by all means, I think if you’re not having even the slightest bit of fun at college then you’re doing it wrong (although, just MY opinion)–but, be safe too. Some people might think the fun they’re having now and the capturing of it via pictures/social media, etc. won’t have an effect on them later in life but trust me, it will. After all, once something is posted online is never fully goes away–even if you do “delete” it. Have fun, but be smart about it and take care of each other.

Tip #7: Put quarters in your meter. I can’t stress this enough because although you may THINK you can get away for parking at a meter for a mere 5 minutes, trust me, the parking enforcement officers will be out and you WILL get ticketed. Sometimes you get lucky and you can get away with it but in my experience during my time at CMU–they’re ALWAYS watching, ALWAYS there–somehow, someway. Just pay your meters. It will save you the hassle. Plus, if you think you can get away with ripping the ticket up and throwing it away, it won’t do you any good. The parking enforcement office will continue ticketing your account and eventually can put a hold on your CMU account until the fees are paid in full.

Tip #8: As a freshman it’s easy to go overboard buying all the CMU apparel, mugs, stickers, tattoos, etc. your heart can desire but think ahead and ask yourself how much of it you’re actually going to wear/use in the future? (Side note: Think of when you graduate and able to buy the alumni apparel/gear–that I think is way more fun. But, just my opinion.) Especially LANYARDS! Okay, just kidding, this is an exception. While I do believe it’s a “freshman” thing to wear a CMU lanyard around your neck 24/7 with your car keys/dorm keys/CMU ID on it, people continue to do it after, myself included, in which case I say: rock on. People can silently judge you all they want but in reality they’re probably doing the same thing as sophomores, juniors and seniors–you just can’t tell because it’s typically freshmen who wear the lanyard all the time. Just saying… Embrace it. Plus, a lanyard is really handy and even to THIS day, I use mine for my car keys so I can easily find and access them from my purse.

Let’s see, I can’t think of any other tips off the top of my head but, if you have any to share please feel free to in the comments section.

But, back to what I miss and will continue to miss while being a graduate of CMU…

I’ll miss seeing the colors of the leaves change as I’m walking to class each day. I’ll miss meeting with my sorority sisters for lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Down Under Food Court. I’ll miss going to my weekly CM Life, GC Mag and Yellow Ribbon meetings. (I know I used to complain a lot about my life seeming like it was just all about meetings but trust me, I miss that familiarity now.) I’ll miss going out on Thursdays with friends, being so happy and thankful I didn’t have Friday classes–because let’s face it, that doesn’t happen post-college life. Jobs are five days week! II’ll miss seeing all my friends on a regular basis, and even more if/when I ever move further away than I am now.

I will miss A LOT of things about CMU, too many for me to name, but thankfully I’ll always have the memories to look back on. For all of you new and current students at CMU enjoy your time. Make the most of it. Have fun but don’t go too overboard. Take pride in being a CMU Chippewa. I know it’s something I’ll take pride in until the day I die.

Forever a Chippewa. FIRE UP!

Until next time…

– Ana