wedding – ThirtySomething Shenanigans

Let me tell you something. Something random.

I love pictures. I love being both in front of and behind the camera.

Why?

Because pictures capture moments, memories. You capture people’s personalities, sometimes even a glimpse into a rare, not often seen side of said personality.

I love pictures because even though relationships among the people in those photos can change, those photos themselves never will. A picture is a treasure you can keep and cherish forever.

Every so often I find myself scrolling through my Facebook photos from previous years and I feel an array of emotions—mostly happiness—I get happy reminiscing about those certain moments I shared with my loved ones, family and friends. It’s almost like I can remember exactly how I felt in that particular moment and wishing I could experience some of those moments again, because they were so fun and wonderful.

For example, being with my best friends on St. Patrick’s Day last year. It was the first time in a long time the four of us had hung out. It was a bittersweet feeling; bitter knowing it would likely be a long time again before the four of us hung out again, but sweet in the sense that we got to hang out period that day.

Or the time I got see Sleeping Bear Dunes for my first time last May. I had only ever seen photos and to experience it myself, hiking to the top, was exhilarating, exciting.

The time with my two former coworkers at one of their weddings. How grateful and blessed I felt that day, having been invited to her special day when having known each other for only about a year but, feeling like it has been much longer.

My 27th birthday at the Crystal Bar. My favorite bar, my hometown bar. Celebrating turning a year older with my family, best friends and then boyfriend. My favorite photo from that night was one of me and my then boyfriend–it didn’t make social media, but it was of me having had one too many and leaning against him, both of us sitting in chairs and him with my plastic birthday crown on his head. It was such a silly picture but one that, despite how different things are between me and him now, makes me smile and laugh any time I see it. That was a good birthday, probably one of my favorites. The other two being my 21st and 25th. 🙂

Visiting my best friend/former college roomie in Nashville and us visiting Arrington Vineyards. The background was breathtaking, a shot of the entire vineyard behind us. How breathtaking that view is.

That time I made my then boyfriend ride a camel at the fair. I laugh whenever I see that picture because it was so random; he never had ridden a camel and I’m pretty certain the guy operating the camel rides thought we were children.

The picture of my grandpa and me at my nephew’s wedding all dolled up. It’s not very often we get pictures together, especially all dressed up.

And oh how that day was anxiety-ridden at first; knowing my first ex-boyfriend would be there, but I was proud of myself for being the bigger person and going over and talking to him briefly before the night was over. I thanked him for helping my grandma find her way about since she can’t see that well anymore.

Anyway…

The pictures of my niece and I meeting our favorite band, Simple Plan during their meet and greet. I love those pictures because it’s actual proof I got to meet them. LOL! They are such sweethearts/down to earth in real life. All the more reason to love them.

The picture of my best friend and me in front of the MSU rock on campus; it having been at least a year or close to it since we saw each other last. That day was so fun. I got to finally meet her boyfriend and she got to meet my (then) boyfriend.

The picture of my two best friends and me in front of the state capitol during Silver Bells. A tradition we had done so many times before.

That’s why I love pictures. Each picture represents a certain time and even though moving forward the people might change in them, the pictures themselves don’t.

I know phones and cameras can sometimes be a nuisance and that were told to focus more on the moment itself rather than trying to capture the “perfect moment” but sometimes, just sometimes, capturing a particular moment on camera can be just as great. Just look back on your past pictures. Remember how they made you feel. Remember the scenery, the smells, everything.

So here’s to another year, until next March, or whatever month I just happen to catch myself looking at pictures from the year before.

Until next time…

XO,

Anamaria

still-life-07

I know I don’t say it enough but I have to say, I am extremely thankful to have the people I do in my life.

Whether it’s my family, best friends or acquaintances, they have proved to me in both good times and bad that I can rely on them, sometimes without me even reaching out to them first.

Reeling with a breakup is tough. I won’t be afraid to admit it that this one hurts like hell. And I know, I’m well aware I need to move on, and in time, I will.

I know I need to quit analyzing what went wrong because no matter how hard I try, it won’t ever make sense to me and I’ll likely never have a definitive answer, anyway. That’s the hard part. I hate not knowing things, the reasoning. Perhaps it’s part of my natural curiosity for things in general? Who knows…

For the longest time I never believed in “everything happens for a reason” but, as I got older, I realized that for me personally, it was the only way I could live my life. I had to believe there was a reason, even for the bad things, as to why they happened.

And I believe in it whole-heartedly now. While I may not know the answer now or ever, I must and do take comfort in knowing God must have something bigger up his sleeve for me.

I got to thinking the other day when talking with my cousin’s girlfriend about how her grandpa wants her to get married before he dies. It got me thinking to why I felt I was in such a rush to fall in love and get married and I realized that’s one of the reasons.

Of course, when I told this to my mom she said, and I of course agreed with her, that I couldn’t marry someone only for that fact. But, it definitely does play a big factor. On the other hand, I’ve wanted to fall in love and get married for as long as I can remember. I just love love. There is no simpler way for me to say it.

And while unfortunately I’ve dated frogs and haven’t found my prince yet, it was through those experiences that I learned what I will and won’t settle for when I do find true love and how thrilling and exciting it will be when I do find Mr. Right.

It also was through those experiences that I learned I do have true people in my life who I can lean on and whose shoulder I can cry on when my heart gets broken or for any other rough patch in life. People who will love me day in and day out and continue to do so no matter how many mistakes I make, or in this case, get my heartbroken and feel as though I’m not good enough.

Let me tell you, having a support system like I do is the greatest thing of all in life. I wouldn’t have made it through my past breakups, or other hardships in life, if it weren’t for my amazing friends, family and others who have gone out of their way to make sure they know I am always loved and cared for, and that my value doesn’t decrease just because of someone else’s inability to see it.

Sure, I roll my eyes — with a smile — when they tell me, because while as much as I don’t feel like I’m worth it when my heart and spirits get crushed, deep down I know it’s true, that I am loved.

Not only by them, but by God, too. I’m not a hugely religious person or anything but I do believe in God and ironically enough yesterday as I was driving back home I passed a church sign that said, “When all else fails, God loves you.”

It was a message that couldn’t have came at a better time for the situation I am dealing with right now. OK, so not all has failed me, like my mom pointed out, and that there are people beyond God who love me, but still, it was just both eerie and a nice reminder to know that I am not alone in feeling like this at the moment.

Like I said, in time I will get over this heartbreak. But it will take time. This I know.

It’s strange, though, while I am sad, I am also grateful for the experience because like I said above, it taught me what I will and will not settle for in the future. And like the quote goes,”It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”

So we didn’t work out? It sucks. But the people who end up being wrong for us end up leading us to the person who is right for us. And for that I am excited.

But my point of this particular post is, is that I couldn’t get through this without my friends and family. The ones who continue to lift me up a little more each day and remind me I am worthy of someone who loves me back just as I love them.

It wasn’t my last boyfriend and that’s OK. And again, I will be OK too, in time.

For now I will continue to grieve my breakup and focus on me and doing what makes me happy alone. And then one day when I am ready, I will get back in the dating game full-swing. Because whether anyone else believes it or not, I sure do, I will fall in love some day and have my “happily-ever-after.”

So my family and friends, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I truly can’t say it enough for I probably would never want to get out of bed because you know me, I like to be super dramatic and believe things are way worse than they actually are. But I know there are way worse things in the world than a breakup. My breakup wasn’t the first and it won’t be my or anyone’s last.

Remember, just because one person doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean no one else loves you. Hell, even a stranger might love you but you won’t know it until you meet that “perfect” stranger. 🙂

Until next time…

XO,

Ana

Tag: wedding

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