I don’t like kids.
There, I said it.
Now, before you get your boxers in a bunch and write me off as the world’s meanest woman. Hear me out.
It’s not that I necessarily think kids are the most awful things to exist on the planet (okay, maybe sometimes)–after all, I myself, and the rest of you, used to be kids once. But, I just don’t think they’re for everyone.
I have said for as long as I can remember that I simply don’t want kids. I’ve thrown out every possible reason why and people always seem to give me this judgmental stare. Like, how dare I not want kids when I am a woman and *most* have children. (I say most loosely because, well, there are a ton of women in the world and I am not sure exactly just how many have children already or are expecting.)
I then get asked why not, and how being a mother is the greatest thing in the world, all the while I am looking back at said person just waiting for her to be done talking.
Sounds terrible, right? But seriously, bear with me. I promise I am not a total baby hater, or mother hater for that matter.
I am simply at a time in my life where a) I am still young (even though I may say otherwise from time to time) b) I still live at home (that post-college life) c) I am SINGLE! (Pretty big one right there… Although, not saying that just because I get into a relationship I am automatically going to have kids) d) I am not yet fully established in my career and as a single woman, my main focus is and has been, my career.
I have always told myself that my career will be my number one focus until I achieve it. Now obviously once I achieve it and move on to the next chapter of my life (i.e. a relationship and-maybe kids) then that will be just as main of a focus in my life as my career.
But seriously, I don’t get why I get the stink-eye or other weird look when I say I don’t want kids. Of course, people tell me all the time that I could change my mind, and I assure them “NO” but, I’ve been thinking lately, that maybe–just maybe–one day I could change my mind. This new thought came to my mind after I found out one of my brothers and his wife are expecting a baby boy come July. I thought maybe someday I want my nieces and nephews (along with my new future nephew) to have a cousin(s) to play and grow up with. Of course, there are already cousins to play with, but also the fact the other women in my family–like my sisters and niece–have had their own kids as well. The point is, I just got to thinking and thought, maybe I shouldn’t write kids off completely.
Now I must explain, part of the reason I say (literally) “I’m so good” on having kids is because I do have so many nieces and nephews already–I am surrounded by kids. I mean, I have been an aunt since I was TWO AND A HALF YEARS OLD! TWO AND A HALF! And ever since then they’ve just kept on coming, lol. Plus, being the youngest of my five siblings in addition to having so many nieces and nephews, I just never felt like I was missing out on a ton by declaring I don’t want kids.
But, like I said, whenever I say I don’t want them it seems like people write me off right then and there. Sure, maybe I say it a little harshly but, in my opinion, not everyone has to have kids. In fact, I believe some people really SHOULD NOT have kids and yet, there they are–having kids. But that’s a whole different story-blog in itself.
I remember telling my mom one time a month or so ago that as a woman, I shouldn’t feel obligated to have a kid. I feel like society puts this pressure (whether it’s intentional or not) for women to have kids. Plus, not only that, but when we see celebrities like Brangelina adopting kids left and right… Or the Duggars and their 19 kids… Etc. Etc. I can’t help but think some people are influenced by that. However, I am not. I mean, to each their own for how many children they have but IF I ever were to have kids I sure as hell would not want that many. If I had the money like Brangelina then MAYBE, but, NINETEEN like the Duggars–NO WAY! But again, to each their own. My whole thought on kids if you are going to have them–properly take care of them. They need shelter, clothes, food… But most importantly–they need LOVE. What good is the rest of the stuff if it isn’t in addition to being loved?
I think what bothers me is that there are people out there who believe that just because they have a kid (or kids) that they can and are equipped to take care of them.
Um, I’m sorry, but NO.
That is not always the case.
As a woman who was adopted, I thank my birth mother for making the tough, yet smart decision to place me for adoption so someone else could give me all the things she couldn’t (like food, a good home, stability, education, etc.).
But, again, that’s another story in itself.
My point is, women (and even men) shouldn’t feel like they need to have a child(ren) just because everyone else in society does or because they get pressure from family and friends. I am a believer that kids just aren’t for everyone and that is fine. And if it’s not fine with you well then, sorry I’m not sorry.
My other point is, is that maybe–MAYBE–I could see myself having a kid one day.* (*Far future, not any time soon.) Plus, people always tell me to “never say never” and you know, maybe they’re right. But, if I do decide to have kids one day then it will be when I am READY. Not just for the sake of it–not just for shits and giggles.
So just a friendly reminder that the next time you want to write someone off as a bitch, or horrible person, or whatever, for not wanting or not yet having kids, consider WHY they might not want one. (Just a thought)
I know I’ve been adamant, and well, even now as I type this, that motherhood isn’t for me–but maybe, just maybe, I may change my mind in the future. Because even though quite frankly, other people’s (outside of my family and close friends) kids annoy the shit out of me (sorry if that’s blunt but, it’s how I feel), I do love my nieces and nephews and see the joy they bring to my siblings (their parents).
So, here’s to the future… Trying to not remain so dead set on never having kids, ever, but, being open to the possibility, should one day I have all of my ducks in a row–i.e. dream job, dream house, dream man, etc… Or at least, you know, a decent job, house and man to start and raise a family with. 😉 God only knows what my future holds… Well, and me too technically. But anyway…
Until next time…
XO,
Ana
ThirtySomething Shenanigans 