baby – ThirtySomething Shenanigans

So, it’s been a minute since I’ve last blogged.

Okay, so it’s been two months but, I’ve busy with work, a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, my 26th birthday, patiently (okay, not so patiently waiting) for the arrival of my nephew, etc. etc.

Alright, so maybe I haven’t been that busy to where I couldn’t blog but let me tell you, sleep is my number two priority after work. LOL. When I am not working or busy with other commitments you can guarantee I am sleeping or watching ridiculous Lifetime Movie Network movies.

Anyway… Moving along.

So today actually marks the two month anniversary of when I moved into my apartment and then on Saturday it will have been two months since I started my first day at C-T. (That’s The Chronicle-Tribune for those of you who don’t know the abbreviation, lol, because I don’t feel like repeatedly typing it out)

Work has been a learning process–fun, cool, exciting. I still consider myself a rookie because coming in I felt a bit rusty. I had just finished up my internship at HOMTV and yes, I obviously studied journalism and got my degree in it and had my intern at WLNS, etc., but, being back in a print-focused atmosphere was something I was struggling to get a hold of again. Thankfully my co-workers and boss are awesome and have been helping me out along the way. I mean yeah I still have more to learn, and always will, I believe with any job it’s like that, and thankfully I’ve had great mentors along the way.

Of course, while I’m learning a lot and still getting to know the town of Marion, I wouldn’t be being completely honest if I said I didn’t have some challenges along the way. Like for example, after the Fourth of July holiday weekend when I was leaving my cottage to come back I got upset, and quite honestly, it was hard to say my “see you later’s” to my family. My mom saw it firsthand, and as any good mom, she told me everything would be okay. And deep down I knew it would be, but, at that exact moment I didn’t want to leave after having spent an incredible weekend with my whole immediate family, plus my uncle Steve.

Fast forward to this past weekend, and same thing happened. I know, it sounds pathetic, especially being 26-years-old–an adult–living on her own but, it did happen again and, I have no doubt it will happen again until I become more familiar with Marion and meeting friends and having people to hang out with instead of just constantly being by myself in my apartment when I get home from work. Anyway, this time it happened not while I was leaving from home in Michigan to my home here, but rather, leaving Nashville and coming back home to Indiana but wanting to make it all the way back to Michigan for just the night so I could finally meet my nephew Stone.

So Stone was born on Wednesday, July 27, 2016. My sister-in-law, Jamie, went to the hospital early Tuesday morning (like the middle of the night), and my mom called me at 6:30 a.m. to tell me she had so. Of course that was the morning I was scheduled to drive down to Nashville to stay with my old college roommate and friend, Kayla, and see my cousin’s new house and then spend the rest of the weekend celebrating the bride-to-be, Alison, and I was put in a tough spot. Part of me was dying to go home instead so I could be there when he was actually born but, the other part of me wanted to stick to my plan and go on to Nashville because I thought it would be rude if I didn’t. Plus, what ultimately made me choose Nashville over the birth of Stone was that I knew I wouldn’t get to celebrate Alison and her bachelorette party again, but, that Stone would and will always be there when I visit home next. It was still a tough decision for me and as soon as he was actually born and my mom sent me pictures I felt like I was immediately starting to regret making the trip down south. He was more beautiful and perfect than I could have ever imagined. Words couldn’t describe the feelings I had when I saw him (in picture form) for the first time. But, let’s just say I was at out shopping at the mall at the time and definitely started tearing up, in the baby clothes department, looking all kinds of pathetic. LOL.

Fast forward to Tuesday, two days ago, and when I found out I would get to leave early from work I knew I had to make the 2.5 hour drive home to see my nephew. Sure, I will be going home again tomorrow but, I seriously just couldn’t take it any longer. I drove home as fast as I could and when I got to my brother and sister-in-law’s house, I RAN to the front door. (And for those who know me, you know I don’t run for anything–I HATE running, lmao.) I open the door and see Jamie feeding Stone, and I am even more shocked and taken away at how precious, beautiful and perfect he really is. I called Jamie as I was leaving town to tell her I was coming home and wanted to see him and also warned her I would probably cry when I saw him. Thankfully I was able to hold my tears back but I kid you not, every time I look at a picture of him, and even yesterday when I was out shopping for groceries at Meijer but then “somehow” ended up in the baby boy clothes section, I started tearing up. LOL.

I’m sure some of you are probably wondering why I am so emotional over Stone and maybe even some of my family members are thinking back to when their babies were born and how I didn’t act like this. It’s not that I love any of my other nieces and nephews any less or anything like that–I will tell you now that being an aunt is my greatest “gig” yet and I’ve been lucky enough to be one since I was 2.5 years old. But with Stone, it is different. And I will tell you why…

My older brother Adam, is someone, who despite us literally fighting sometimes or him just being a natural big brother and picking on me from time to time in general, is someone I appreciate and look up to. I look up to all of my siblings, yes, and I love them all the same. But, for those of you who know Adam–you know he is, how do I put it? A bit “rough around the edges”, if you will. He’s not perfect by any means but, who is? No one. When he was growing up he wasn’t a horrible teenager but, he wasn’t an angel either. (Love you, Adam) And so of course when he and Jamie told the family at Christmas last year that they were expecting I lost it. Mind you, I had a few glasses of wine in me, lol, but, even to present day, I get emotional thinking about him as a dad. I guess to be honest there were some days, some moments where I thought, “Adam as a dad? Yeah right, not any time soon–more like not for a long time.” And, I think part of me thought this because I had always known him to be the one who likes to have fun, doing whatever it may be. But, after the news broke and time went on, I knew he and Jamie were going to be forced to “grow up” (not saying that they were careless/reckless or anything like that) or rather, “upgrade” to parent status. It was weird to think about, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t have doubts but, at the end of the day, I knew they would make great parents. Like any parents, I imagine (I can’t speak 100% because I myself am not a parent yet), they will make mistakes and deal with Stone acting out as he grows up and gets older but, that’s normal for any family with kids. Seeing Adam transition from the “having fun” guy to dad, is something that’s very sentimental to me. (If that’s the right word to use??) Not that I am not proud of Jamie, or my other siblings with kids, but, this is my big brother, Adam, we’re talking about. It’s just something that’s hard to explain without it coming out wrong so if you’re reading this and taking it the wrong way, I am sorry. It just is something different with Adam being a dad. Even just typing this is making me emotional.

At the end of the day, I love all of my nieces and nephews the same. I hate that they grow up so fast, though, which, is also part of the reason I think I am so obsessed and in love with Stone. That, and we haven’t had a baby boy since… Calvin, I believe, and he’ll be 10 (?) this year. REALLY?! It’s just crazy how fast time goes by and how quickly each one of them grows up. Even Annabelle, who will be 3-years-old in December (OMG, that just hit me… THREE?!), has grown up so fast right before my very eyes. And that’s not to say my nieces and nephews aren’t as fun when they grow up, but, their priorities shift as they get older just like mine did. My niece Madi has two daughters, is engaged… My nephew Drew is in college, has a job… My nephew Zach is a SENIOR in high school and will graduate next year… My niece, Gabi, will be fourteen, WHAT?!… My nephew Max will be THIRTEEN (I think, right? See, I myself am getting too old to remember everyone’s age, LOL) in December AND he now has his own cell phone. I texted him a couple times so far and one time when I texted him asking him if he was watching Big Brother he said “no” and then didn’t really say much to me after that so he must have been too tired to text me too 😦 LOL… My niece Amelia and nephew Calvin will both be 10 in November… My nieces Raelynn and Gigi will both start Kindergarten in the fall… And like I said earlier, Annabelle will be THREE in December. And then my niece, Ashlyn, and her girlfriend are both working and have a place of their own and then my nephew, Corey, and his fiancee have their own place too with their two kids and pets. I mean, they’re all grown up! This is partly why I freaked when I wasn’t there when Stone was born because I there for just about every other birth of my nieces and nephews and to not be able to be there for Stone tore me apart. Even now, living away, it’s hard because I know I don’t get to see him all the time like I did growing up with my other nieces and nephews.

I have to remind myself though that I don’t live that far and can always come home on a weekend if I don’t work, but, living away in general is still taking getting used to. My mom and dad assure me it will be fine, and I know deep down they’re right. It’s just going to take time.

Hopefully soon I will meet people to hang out with and stuff, but, even if not, it’s a part of the growing up process–just like my mom told me. I am an adult now and she said herself, I can do it. I’m thankful to have the best parents in the world who refuse to let me give up when times get tough. They believe in me enough to know that I can work past whatever it is that is thrown my way. So mom, dad–thank you both. Thank you to all of my family for giving me that push I needed to make the move to work my dream job and do what I love most.

I know there will always be challenges here and there in the future, in whatever aspect/stage of life, but, they’re always there behind me.

Until next time…

XO,

Ana

I don’t like kids.

There, I said it.

Now, before you get your boxers in a bunch and write me off as the world’s meanest woman. Hear me out.

It’s not that I necessarily think kids are the most awful things to exist on the planet (okay, maybe sometimes)–after all, I myself, and the rest of you, used to be kids once. But, I just don’t think they’re for everyone.

I have said for as long as I can remember that I simply don’t want kids. I’ve thrown out every possible reason why and people always seem to give me this judgmental stare. Like, how dare I not want kids when I am a woman and *most* have children. (I say most loosely because, well, there are a ton of women in the world and I am not sure exactly just how many have children already or are expecting.)

I then get asked why not, and how being a mother is the greatest thing in the world, all the while I am looking back at said person just waiting for her to be done talking.

Sounds terrible, right? But seriously, bear with me. I promise I am not a total baby hater, or mother hater for that matter.

I am simply at a time in my life where a) I am still young (even though I may say otherwise from time to time) b) I still live at home (that post-college life) c) I am SINGLE! (Pretty big one right there… Although, not saying that just because I get into a relationship I am automatically going to have kids) d) I am not yet fully established in my career and as a single woman, my main focus is and has been, my career.

I have always told myself that my career will be my number one focus until I achieve it. Now obviously once I achieve it and move on to the next chapter of my life (i.e. a relationship and-maybe kids) then that will be just as main of a focus in my life as my career.

But seriously, I don’t get why I get the stink-eye or other weird look when I say I don’t want kids. Of course, people tell me all the time that I could change my mind, and I assure them “NO” but, I’ve been thinking lately, that maybe–just maybe–one day I could change my mind. This new thought came to my mind after I found out one of my brothers and his wife are expecting a baby boy come July. I thought maybe someday I want my nieces and nephews (along with my new future nephew) to have a cousin(s) to play and grow up with. Of course, there are already cousins to play with, but also the fact the other women in my family–like my sisters and niece–have had their own kids as well. The point is, I just got to thinking and thought, maybe I shouldn’t write kids off completely.

Now I must explain, part of the reason I say (literally) “I’m so good” on having kids is because I do have so many nieces and nephews already–I am surrounded by kids. I mean, I have been an aunt since I was TWO AND A HALF YEARS OLD! TWO AND A HALF! And ever since then they’ve just kept on coming, lol. Plus, being the youngest of my five siblings in addition to having so many nieces and nephews, I just never felt like I was missing out on a ton by declaring I don’t want kids.

But, like I said, whenever I say I don’t want them it seems like people write me off right then and there. Sure, maybe I say it a little harshly but, in my opinion, not everyone has to have kids. In fact, I believe some people really SHOULD NOT have kids and yet, there they are–having kids. But that’s a whole different story-blog in itself.

I remember telling my mom one time a month or so ago that as a woman, I shouldn’t feel obligated to have a kid. I feel like society puts this pressure (whether it’s intentional or not) for women to have kids. Plus, not only that, but when we see celebrities like Brangelina adopting kids left and right… Or the Duggars and their 19 kids… Etc. Etc. I can’t help but think some people are influenced by that. However, I am not. I mean, to each their own for how many children they have but IF I ever were to have kids I sure as hell would not want that many. If I had the money like Brangelina then MAYBE, but, NINETEEN like the Duggars–NO WAY! But again, to each their own. My whole thought on kids if you are going to have them–properly take care of them. They need shelter, clothes, food… But most importantly–they need LOVE. What good is the rest of the stuff if it isn’t in addition to being loved?

I think what bothers me is that there are people out there who believe that just because they have a kid (or kids) that they can and are equipped to take care of them.

Um, I’m sorry, but NO.

That is not always the case.

As a woman who was adopted, I thank my birth mother for making the tough, yet smart decision to place me for adoption so someone else could give me all the things she couldn’t (like food, a good home, stability, education, etc.).

But, again, that’s another story in itself.

My point is, women (and even men) shouldn’t feel like they need to have a child(ren) just because everyone else in society does or because they get pressure from family and friends. I am a believer that kids just aren’t for everyone and that is fine. And if it’s not fine with you well then, sorry I’m not sorry.

My other point is, is that maybe–MAYBE–I could see myself having a kid one day.* (*Far future, not any time soon.) Plus, people always tell me to “never say never” and you know, maybe they’re right. But, if I do decide to have kids one day then it will be when I am READY. Not just for the sake of it–not just for shits and giggles.

So just a friendly reminder that the next time you want to write someone off as a bitch, or horrible person, or whatever, for not wanting or not yet having kids, consider WHY they might not want one. (Just a thought)

I know I’ve been adamant, and well, even now as I type this, that motherhood isn’t for me–but maybe, just maybe, I may change my mind in the future. Because even though quite frankly, other people’s (outside of my family and close friends) kids annoy the shit out of me (sorry if that’s blunt but, it’s how I feel), I do love my nieces and nephews and see the joy they bring to my siblings (their parents).

So, here’s to the future… Trying to not remain so dead set on never having kids, ever, but, being open to the possibility, should one day I have all of my ducks in a row–i.e. dream job, dream house, dream man, etc… Or at least, you know, a decent job, house and man to start and raise a family with. 😉 God only knows what my future holds… Well, and me too technically. But anyway…

Until next time…

XO,
Ana

Tag: baby

Change is inevitable, progress is optional…

19 Kids and Counting? How about zero kids and counting…